SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I have been with my current boyfriend on and off for about 6 years. He has sent nudes to men and women multiple times and each time I’ve found out by accidentally seeing it or going through his messages. This has occurred around 4-5 times that I have caught and he just recently did it while away on a vacation. He told me he has an addiction to wanting to send pictures to other people and he feels ashamed to tell me when he feels these urges which I have told him before to tell me if he ever feels like he wants to do it again. Problem is that after I found out he cheated again he then had the audacity to do it the very next day as well after I found out about the pictures while he was on vacation. I feel stuck because I love him and want to see myself married to him because he’s my best friend but I don’t see how this will ever change. I know I deserve better but cannot imagine starting over and losing not only him but his family too. He’s helped me through the worst times in my life but I also feel like I put more effort into the relationship than he does and I don’t gain anything from it. I don’t think I have set in place boundaries that I need and he just keeps doing it because he knows I will not leave him. He sounds like he regrets it but if he regretted it why would he do it again the very next day after I found out. I know every-time we have been on a break no matter how long it had been he would always right away start asking people or sending nudes even without people asking for them. I just don’t know how to regain trust if he isn’t willing to be honest with me. Where do I go from here?

Where do you go from here?

Very good question.

First I’m sorry you are constantly stuck in this situation. You deserve better than this. I’m going to suggest some professional counseling just for you. Six years of an on again off again relationship that has multiple instances of lying and cheating and disrespect is not healthy.

You describe the relationship as "him being your best friend" but also "you put more effort into the relationship" and "you don’t want to start over" or "lose him and his family".

It sounds like you are either very happy or very unhappy depending upon the day and his behavior. You seem like you are living in an emotional roller coaster as his GF.

Long story short, he has an addiction to sending photos to people. Has it gone further than that? I’m not sure. But it doesn’t appear that he values certain ideals such as honesty, monogamy, respect etc. Adductions are very difficult behaviors to stop without professional help.

Your married life w/ him will be exactly your life now. Marriage will not change nor stop this pattern.

Again I strongly urge you to get some professional counseling. It will help you understand so many things about your BF and help you make some decisions about your future.

I hope this helps you. Notice I’m not giving you advice or suggestions on what the lying cheating BF should be doing. IMO there is no point to that as he has issues of his own that need to be addressed.

Hi, Gemstone, welcome to SI. So sorry you find yourself here, and I'm sorry your boyfriend can't be faithful.

Gently, he has shown you repeatedly who he is, please believe him. Lather, rinse, repeat.

You are in for a lifetime of heartache with this guy IMO.

Find a good counselor to figure out why you would tolerate his abuse for so long.

You deserve better.