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Has anyone ever heard of someone getting their spouse fired from their company and am I wrong if I do. I have been treated so badly and it is very hard to think about the fact that she has been justifying the way she treated me for me asking what was going on and I have a plan but I want to see what others know or have done so please let me know

Are you attempting reconciliation? If you are and she hasn’t quit her job of her own volition it won’t work. If you’re divorcing you should check with your lawyer to see if her being fired would impact alimony.

Unless there’s a power differential between them or exposure would affect business her employer will likely do nothing.

She works in the health care system and we are not divorced yet and I want to see what she does and how she acts so I can report her but I am still gathering information as we speak.

Second what asc said.

If you’re thinking divorce, talk to a lawyer before you do anything.

Best wishes.

I am extremely angry, and right now I am focused on gathering as much evidence as possible. What I cannot get past is how long this has been happening. Every time I questioned her behavior or asked about something that felt suspicious, she would respond in ways meant to hurt me. She withdrew all affection and justified it by saying she could not be happy with me because I was "too jealous." She told the kids, her family, and even my own family that I was crazy, jealous, and clingy.

Finding out that she was actively and successfully trying to meet men through her job makes me feel foolish for trusting her. I spent years asking her simply to stop being hateful and cruel toward me. Now I can clearly see it was a pattern. There were times when I did everything I could to keep peace — tolerating disrespect, accepting criticism, and blaming myself — believing she was reacting that way because she thought I was wrongly accusing her. In reality, she was lying while continuing to treat me badly.

Even when I walked on eggshells and begged for affection or connection, she would deliberately create conflict so she would not have to speak to me or be intimate with me. This became routine. While I was trying to repair the relationship, she was involved with other people. I am now trying to determine exactly who they are, and I believe I am close to confirming that information.

At this point, I believe I already have enough evidence to jeopardize her employment. What hurts most is realizing how many years I spent waiting alone, hoping she would return to the person I once knew or simply treat me with basic kindness. Every attempt I made only seemed to make her more hostile. I supported her throughout our entire life together, including helping her through school and planning our future around raising our children and improving our financial stability. After all of that, this is what she chose to do.

From my perspective, responsibility for these actions rests entirely with her. If she chose to risk her career, education, and the promises she made to me and our children, then the consequences belong to her as well. I am no longer in the stage of sadness. I have lived in this situation for years, and I no longer want to continue the relationship. After seeing how she communicated with others and where her priorities truly were, I cannot look at her the same way.

What stands out most is that her focus was not on her children, her career, or the responsibilities expected of a parent of four. Instead, her attention was directed toward other men, social attention, and personal interests that ignored the realities of family and shared responsibility. From where I stand, her decisions reflected concern primarily for herself and whoever gave her attention at the time.

SandwichExpert (that’s good!),

If you spend time on this site, you’ll find your exact story 100 times.

Think about what’s best for your kids.

Remember about unintended consequences.

Talk to a lawyer.

Best wishes.

If you’re going to divorce her I’d save the proof for friends and family. Since she’s been treating you like shit she’s likely been running you down to everyone. If any of her affair partners are married make sure their wives know.

If her getting fired doesn’t impact alimony, sure, tell HR.

I’m of the opinion that consequences are the only useful gift that a cheater can receive.

Also, since your state is single party consent for recording, buy a voice activated recorder. Once the cat is out of the bag have it on you and running anytime you have to be around her. False domestic violence charges are not unheard of in your situation.

If you haven’t already, check out the healing library here. Pay particular attention to the simplified 180.

Sorry you find yourself here. Read in the healing library above in the yellow box. You need to heal and take care of you and your children. You have been doing the pick me dance. It never works. She sees your actions in trying to please her as weakness. Always value yourself. Read about and implement the 180. No idle chit chat. Speak only on child and financial issues. Do not argue or engage her. She will only demean you and show disrespect. The 180 allows you to gather your thoughts and some balance. It is not a strategy to win her back.

Always value yourself. Be firm. You are moving on without her. See an attorney to learn your rights. You’ve been abused long enough. Be the strong, honest parent for your children. Good luck. Keep posting.

This situation is extremely difficult for me because I have spent more than 20 years taking care of her, supporting her, and standing by her, yet she shows no consideration for me or for everything I have done. Instead, she cut me off emotionally and now acts as if I do not exist, choosing to give her time and attention to men who have contributed nothing to her life beyond temporary validation. There is a complete lack of respect, both toward me and toward herself.

I am also deeply concerned about what her coworkers may know, because I strongly suspect she has been involved with someone at her workplace as well. One of the most damaging things she has done is drive a wedge between me and my children by portraying herself as a victim, creating distance so she could disappear and do whatever she wanted without accountability. Discovering that she appeared to be planning actions that could seriously harm or undermine me has been devastating.

I could have understood if our marriage had simply reached a point where we grew apart or she no longer wanted the relationship. If that were the case, she should have chosen divorce honestly instead of strategically positioning herself while simultaneously weakening my relationship with my children and treating me with ongoing disrespect and withdrawal of affection. She created an environment where I was made to feel guilty and responsible, while her own actions remained hidden. She clearly did not expect me to uncover the extent of what was happening, yet the evidence has begun to connect through names, locations, and patterns of behavior that I never would have imagined from her.

Financially and personally, I trusted her completely. I allowed her to make decisions involving my money as though it were equally hers. At one point, she became angry simply because I helped my own mother by paying for a roof, despite the fact that the home was essentially mine. Everything consistently had to go her way, yet none of this justified the choices she ultimately made.

What makes this even harder to process is that over the past year she began attending church with her brother and spoke frequently about becoming closer to God, living righteously, and praying for me because she claimed I had personal issues or did not know how to treat her properly. She presented herself as morally upright while, at the same time, investing her time and energy into relationships with men she had only recently met, all while putting our family and her own stability at risk.

I supported her without hesitation and believed she valued what we had built together. I do not believe she expects the consequences that may follow once everything comes to light. After what has happened, I cannot imagine allowing her to remain part of my life. She made conscious decisions that risked her marriage, her family, and even her career for outside attention.

I am currently speaking with legal counsel and preparing to protect myself moving forward. If reconciliation is ever mentioned, full honesty and disclosure would be required. My priority now is understanding the full truth and ensuring that the reality of what occurred is no longer hidden. The person I believed she was and the life I thought we shared no longer align with what has been revealed. This whole situation is just very embarrassing for me and my family and I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I have felt sick to my stomach ever since the day I found all this out and I did not deserve this.

I'm really sorry your W is not committed to you. From what you've written, I don't see the point of trying to get her fired, because she'll either have more time on her hands to hunt for sex partners, or she'll just get another job where she can hunt for new partners.

I'm concerned that you've accepted years of mistreatment from your W. Your W is responsible for cheating and mistreating you. You're responsible for accepting the abuse.

I know it's very difficult to break free from an abuser, but it looks - from what you've written - like that's your best bet. If you can't bring yourself to do that, a good IC can help.

Alas, nothing in your life will change unless you change it.

D – Don’t
E – Even
T – Think
A – About
C – Changing
H – Her.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:47 PM, Friday, February 27th]

Great advice here so far. I would add that you take the legal counsel and present her with the idea of soon to be filed divorce papers. This allows you to seize the initiative and take back your agency after a long time not having it. It will also allow you to see how she responds. The reality of D will pour cold water on her fantasies and help her grapple with her dopamine fueled behavior. If she doesn't care, you know that D is exactly the right answer and you will have your agency back. If she is horrified and wants to reconcile, you can then see if her actions align and that will help you make a decision whether you want to try to reconcile or not. You can always slow the D filing or stop it if you believe you want to attempt R.

All of this will help avoid rug sweeping and being her doormat. Be strong!