SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

GOOD FOR YOU BROTHER !!! GOOD FOR YOU !!!!

But, during the course of that talk, she told me she's considering going down there again this weekend.

I hate your wife !!!

I said, "I'll have a lawyer fix that. You go down there, don't come back. I will file for divorce and I will move on with my life."

She thought for a second and said, "What about our son? What am I supposed to do with him?"

I replied, "You should have asked 'what about our son' when you decided to take up with another man. We're way past that point now."

YES YES....FUCK YES !!!! Handled like a champ !!! You could be the new spaceghost !!!

Sounds good, but you need to be prepared. You promised you would file if she went with other man, you better believe that her and other man are going to get them a lawyer, maybe will file a police complaint against you. Truth and right don't play into this, not until you get your day in court, which could be weeks or even months. Protect yourself and have the attorney in place now, be ready ahead.

You're right, you shouldn't have answered him. There is no sense in arguing with someone who is that incredibly delusional. No need to try to reason with Captain Save-A-Ho. That said, in the grand scheme of things, your brief exchange isn't that big of a deal. Don't beat yourself up over it.

Your conversation with your wife was perfect. Just be prepared to enforce those boundaries if need be. There are a lot of betrayed spouses who are reading your posts with a lot of respect and admiration. Most of us weren't this strong and decisive in the early days. You're pretty awesome.

POSOM: I actually agree with your premise. I have only stepped up because you were acting incorrectly. If you treat her correctly then I will stay out of it.

well...my blood is boiling. This guy is certainly an arrogant POS. Makes me happy I haven't engaged my WW's AP....I'd be in jail.

POSOM: I actually agree with your premise. I have only stepped up because you were acting incorrectly. If you treat her correctly then I will stay out of it.

Considering he has 3 failed marriages behind him, he is in no position to talk about doing things correctly.

Fucking someone else's wife while still married is NOT "correct" regardless of your denomination.

I hate sanctimonious fuckwits, he is trying to draw you into an argument, remember, he is coaching her, and probably trying to build a case to get you removed from your home... No contact = no ammo.

[This message edited by MollyMoo at 12:55 PM, May 14th (Thursday)]

UAB, I'm not sure how strong you sound in all this. I must say, your story, as awful as it is, is truly inspiring. I'm the kind of person that needs to weigh my options before I act, to understand them. It created an emotional hell for me. Your actions, taking the advice here and going with it, well, it's the best you can do for yourself and your son at this point and for that, I applaud you. Good job sir.

So what was the outcome after talking about your son with her?

Your actions will speak to her much louder than your words. If you tell her you will file for divorce, you'll have to show her how serious you are.

False domestic violence charges and protection orders do happen. I'm one of those guys dealing with one now. It's unpleasant to say the least. Your WW, her pity party and a mother in law that wants to blame you, well you just never know how far she'll take this. Protect yourself, be careful of your words when you speak to her and watch your anger, even when you are frustrated as hell, it's hard, but watch yourself, vent tha anger here. We do understand it and we'll support you through it. "I'm sorry you feel that way" -- is beyond frustrating to say, especially when you feel as though you need to be heard and are completely fed up with listening to her as she blames and insults you. To keep things from escalating though, it's what you need to say for your protection. By wary of anything you say that could be taken as a threat, by her, she's 'playing the victim', it's frustrating, but that's most likely her state of mind. It's a form of manipulation. Protect yourself and don't allow her to manipulate you.

I seen in one of your earlier posts -- you don't want her to hate you. I completely relate to they feeling. Truth is, at this point in time, she doesn't give a shit about you. She can and most likely will hate/resent you. There is nothing you can do about that right now. So don't even worry about it. In the future, maybe that will change, but for now, the resentment will likely build despite what you do. It's just part of the cheater handbook.

I'm sorry you are facing this bud, it's bullshit, no one deserves to be treated like this. We're here for you, whenever you need us.

I've already had the consultation with the lawyer I'm using. And, my brother is spotting me the cash.

Thanks for the encouragement, y'all. This shit was so hard to do on my own.

I know I saw a question asked of me last night, asking if I feel better now that I've found everyone here to help me. The answer is YES!

Thanks, LonelyLucas.

Thank you all.

I'm not going to lie. I had a talk with my younger brother this morning. He's the typical bad boy... lots of muscle, piercings, tattoo sleeves... he's a pretty scary looking dude. And, he's got anger issues. LOL.

He asked me today if I want to take a road trip with him to beat the shit out of POSOM this weekend.

I... thought about it. Especially after that high and mighty Captain Save-A-Ho message. He needs to be beaten within an inch of his life. While she watches, preferably.

Having said that, I politely declined my brother's offer.

Good idea to decline - it's not worth getting a record or sullying your name over a dog turd of a human being... even if has more in common with the former than the latter.

I said, "I'll have a lawyer fix that. You go down there, don't come back. I will file for divorce and I will move on with my life."

She thought for a second and said, "What about our son? What am I supposed to do with him?"

I replied, "You should have asked 'what about our son' when you decided to take up with another man. We're way past that point now."

Yea, you are. Sadly, your only option is to tell him he is welcome to visit anytime. Legally, you're screwed. What does your stepson think of all his mothers shenanigans?

My stepson is furious. At both of us. He let us both have it with both barrels last night.

He said he means no disrespect but, he feels frustrated that neither of his parents have the emotional maturity to get their shit together.

He's furious at her for what she's doing. And he told her that.

He's also furious at me, for leaving needs unmet.

I've tried to explain, real adult relationships are not perfect. But, he doesn't want to listen right now. And again, I get that she felt like she wasn't getting attention or appreciation. But, that's not an excuse for cheating. There is NEVER an excuse for an affair. It is the lowest, worst and most hateful betrayal of them all.

I was delusional yesterday when I said I didn't want my wife to hate me. She already does. The mental gymnastics going on in her head have made sure that she does.

I was delusional yesterday when I said I didn't want my wife to hate me. She already does. The mental gymnastics going on in her head have made sure that she does.

It doesn't help that both she and OM have no intention of stopping, even though you have tried to appeal to both of their better natures.

Neither of them are going to back down on this, so unless she has a major epiphany, there's only one path this can go down.

What "needs unmet" is your stepson talking about? It's quite a mature way of putting it, has his mother been putting ideas in his head or summat?

I replied, "You should have asked 'what about our son' when you decided to take up with another man. We're way past that point now."

Wow! That's one of those perfect things you think of later...or someone here posts as a better reply...

Even the conversation with the OM....you did great. He has got to realize that he is dealing with a rational husband not some crazy loon. Him on the other hand...To preach to a husband about respect and being noble while he is screwing his wife??? Something is mentally wrong with this guy.

I'm very interested in if she leaves for the weekend. She hasn't known this guy for very long and he has already lied to her about being a Partner... and who knows what else. He isn't working and I'm sure his EX wives are taking a large chunk of his retirement...Probably thought he had 2 months to figure this all out.

you rock

UAB-- I love your brother! What a great offer! But no, don't take him up on it.

Regarding the message from OM, I wouldn't respond to him at all. No good can come of it.

Stay strong --stay calm -- don't give anyone ammunition to use against you.

Do what your lawyer says and get this divorce process moving forward.

Keep your eye on the goal: a happier future life

Laura's post reminded me of another post I made a while back.

A friend of mine told me something to help me from doing stupid shit, or from doing things to unnecessarily rev my XWW up:

What is your objective, and how does the action you're considering further that objective?

Your wife has a decision to make. If she makes the unacceptable choice, you must follow through on your consequence.

Good on you for not take your brothers suggestion. We're better than that. Tempting though.

I've tried to explain, real adult relationships are not perfect. But, he doesn't want to listen right now. And again, I get that she felt like she wasn't getting attention or appreciation. But, that's not an excuse for cheating. There is NEVER an excuse for an affair. It is the lowest, worst and most hateful betrayal of them all.

I'm sorry he feels that way. You were perfectly correct in what you told him. Now it's up to you to show him how to deal with a situation like this. Not all of life's lessons are easy.

I'll bet you dollars to donuts that a lot of his anger at you is really anger he has at his mother. But, she's his mom after all.

Strength

UAB, I think you've handled things really well! And at least you have the POSOM on the record saying that your WW cheated on you.

I'd offer your son that you'll pay him for at least 3 sessions with an individual counsellor. I think it might help him tremendously. Take him out to run or take him to a gym. Help him blow off some steam in a healthy manner.

Keep us in the loop, we're here for you!

Best wishes

Yeah, he's a very mature kid. We did a good job raising him.

I know he's hurting and mad. I expected this.

She s on the fence. Knock her ass off. Lawyer up,file for divorce, kick her out, and go dark on her. I would stop letting her be in charge of what happens. You have to be willing to lose the marriage to save it.