SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

If I promise not to commit actual violence, can I just go scream in her face to grow the fuck up?

The definition of utter selfishness is harming a child. In what universe does your wife think it is ok to bring drama into a home where a sick child lives?

I think you know everything you need to to get out of infidelity. Get out of your marriage.

I send you giant hugs in hopes you feel a little comfort that you have an army at your back.

Thank you all so much. Your anger helps me as I've been so angry but having to sit on it a bit. This, my friends, is the joy of being a man on the betrayed side. We don't get to yell, or throw, or hit.... if my wife did it someone might say to stop but wouldn't bat an eye. If I did, the cops would be called and .y kids taken from me.

Make no mistake. I do not want to hit or beat my wife...but there are some subtle differences being a betrayed man.

I feel absolutely sick thinking about what I have to do tomorrow. My heart is breaking aga

I can do a drive by screaming at her if she lives in Texas....

Interesting random unrelated info. Did you know when you donate in someone’s name to a political party they just won’t stop calling you? And they sell your name to lots of places....... Now- I’m a super liberal person, but I’d consider donating to a super conservative political party if I knew the phone calls would piss that person off......

I’ve said too much.

Maybe ordering her a huge butt plug on Amazon? From her AP? You can open a fake email in his name, and buy a burner Visa card and buy the butt plug. And then send one to him in her name. It could be fun.......

I feel absolutely sick thinking about what I have to do tomorrow. My heart is breaking aga

Your only other option is to stay where you are letting her rub this in your face.

Sometimes it's best to "make a decision".

Thanks for checking in with us. I wish there was another way than living through it every day but there isn't. All you can do is stand in the right and persevere. Anytime you feel low, know that it's going to pass. Your future waits for you beyond all this sadness and confusion. Like you, I try to understand but get no answers.

Big day today. Hang in there. This is the first day of your new life.

If you haven't already done so, stop chatting with her about anything other than the kids and how to settle the divorce. Don't chat about your plans. Don't chat about what is going on in your life and don't let her talk to you about what is going on in hers.

Remember, she fired you, so all of her crap simply isn't your problem anymore.

And conversely, from here on out you are none of her business. Ghost her as much as you can.

Well, I hired an attorney yesterday. I did not file yesterday per his advice. Got to get a few things ironed out first. Told my wife who reacted calmly, but then got emotional despite telling me she's met her attorney a few times. We bickered a bit back and forth...I'm not taking her shit anymore

As my IC said....the moment will suck but try to see how life looks on the other side. Just by hiring the attorney I can feel more detachment...it's good but sad. We'll see how this plays out

Well, I hired an attorney yesterday. I did not file yesterday per his advice. Got to get a few things ironed out first. Told my wife who reacted calmly, but then got emotional despite telling me she's met her attorney a few times. We bickered a bit back and forth...I'm not taking her shit anymore

Loving Dad, you’ve got to stop telegraphing your moves. She can see from a mile away that you’re trying to get a response from her. It is weak and women easily spot it.

Remember that she knows you very well. Which is why when BHs go hard shock and awe it throws them. Also Don’t buy any of her phoney emotions, it’s simply to keep you immobilized.

Yeah, I'm not playing the games. On both sides. I took my attorneys advice. Why make this process harder than it needs to be. I'm not trying to shock and awe. What for? Winning her back? Nah, forget that...she's had every opportunity to do what needs to be done, being an asshole isn't going to right the ship in any capacity. The goal now is to get through this process. Better days ahead....they say

The opportunity for you to do the shock and awe has past

8 months ago. Now you just move forward as smoothly as possible.

This is for your kids. Right now they only have you because your wife is emotionally absent. She can be in the room with them but her heart and mind are with her boyfriend.

I just strongly advise you to not display any weakness to her.

After this is done, you will be kicking yourself for a long timefor Giving her the satisfaction of getting the upper hand. Not advocating that you be a jerk but no Mr Nice Guy.

I do not think the time for shock and awe has passed.....but it depends on how you define shock and awe.

Personally, I do not think rage and anger are very effective with a WS......they EXPECT that.

More importantly, after knowing their BS for years, they know how to ‘read’ their BS’s emotional reaction to things.....this gives them insight into how to manipulate and maneuver the BS with their own words and emotional displays.

IMO.....true shock and awe is going completely cold and detached.....short, civil but COLD answers to questions, and only those about the kids or D proceedings.

For example.....in OP’s recent situation....

His WW was emotionally manipulating him when she showed upset after he talked to a lawyer....

And it worked.....he bickered with her and got emotional back.

This shows her that she can still manipulate him through her words and actions.....and that she still has control over the situation because it is still HER choice if she wanted to try to get the M back.

In her mind, she will still think she has the power to come back into the M if she wants to, thinking that his response shows if she were to beg for another chance (even if she was just faking it for more time/cake-eating) her BH would lap it up.

That’s why I think the most effective ‘shock and awe’ (which OP can still do beginning this moment) is to go completely ‘gray rock’ on her.

With no emotional responses from OP, and him only discussing kids or the D proceedings, his WW will have NO clue on how to manipulate him.....she loses her control of the situation.

Plus....the hard 180 is ALWAYS healthier for the BS!!

Detaching from and emotionally manipulative and abusive cheater is the best thing for them in these situations.

So OP.....

I say give your WW a dose of true shock and awe for her....

Go totally cold on her....NO emotional reactions at all.....cold and civil responses only to kids or D questions only.

Make HER wonder where the man she has known for so many years (and how to manipulate him) has gone.

Take back control of your life from this cheater.

I'd let your attorney know that your W has already had numerous consultations with her lawyer.

Keep in mind, that she has been a step ahead of you the whole time.

She wants me to think she's a step ahead. Every lie she tells revolves around her image. I don't doubt that she's talked to an attorney at some point but she's not "steps ahead" at this point.

I appreciate the sentiment on the "gray rock.". And I agree, but will say that we don't interact at all at this point. Fuck any "tactics" at this point. I'll get through the shit and move on

Just gave her a parenting plan to go through and she flipped shit. I didn't expect anything less but I'm tired of the abuse. This doesn't have to be this hard...she had her chance or whatever her anger is....Good damn I'd kill to have a good woman by my side lol

Agreed. Having to sort out things alone while the other person is irrational is exhausting. Each day brings a new challenge. Taking as much time for yourself and limiting the drama from her is about the best you can hope for. I'm truly sorry she chose this path and is making things even more difficult. You deserve so much more.

This is going to be awful. I can't do anything without getting abused. I had to visit my lawyer today and she text me to ask me how the visit was. I have no idea how she knew I went in...hell, the appt wasn't even made until today.

My life is being destroyed...I wish hers was

This is going to be awful. I can't do anything without getting abused. I had to visit my lawyer today and she text me to ask me how the visit was. I have no idea how she knew I went in...hell, the appt wasn't even made until today.

My life is being destroyed...I wish hers was

If you've got any close friends involved they could be running interference. That or plant some red herrings so she can't get a full picture of what you're doing.

Also, make sure any destruction is legal. I know people will harp about the high road, but there are no brownie points for taking the high road once you shuffle out of this mortal coil. If you're satisfied and can walk away from it cleanly, don't hold back.

Get yourself a VAR (voice activated recorder). Keep on you at all times when your at home. You do not want your WW maki g any false accusations of domestic abuse against you.

double post

[This message edited by Jsmart at 8:19 AM, July 3rd (Tuesday)]