SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

The papers have been filed. Now I have to get her served.

I think you are doing the only thing you can at this point. And take heart in knowing, I have head may people say they regret staying with a cheater. But I have heard none say they regret leaving one....

She asked for a year with the POS on her way to become an ideal partner. In her head she may have been very confident about her plan and your agreeing to it. Like many WSs when BS act like he is going to end the marriage she may get in to a crisis mode and react in numerous ways. Be prepare for that.

what you must ask yourself is, After being thrown away and disrespected so completely by her. Do you really want to stay married to someone who could do this to you? Is this truly what you want in a life partner???

Rynoz, I understand, it is not easy, even when you have been betrayed, as you have.

I think most of us have been where you are. I can tell you that it was the start of my recovering who I am and enjoying life again.

You are cutting loose a lot of dead weight and struggle you have been carrying around. It will better, but will take some time.

Just linked up with the process server. Note everything is underway. That’s a relief.

My wife has been getting phone calls from friends and family about her bullshit. Accusing me of telling people our business. Well first off this is my life too. Am I supposed to sit in a dark corner while she is carrying on? That’s crazy. Maybe these calls are starting to shine a negative light on her fantasy? I don’t know but you doing it. Why get mad when you called on it?

Don't respond to her attacks. She won't listen to anything you say.

Your wife's response is actually typical for cheaters.

Among other things, they absolutely hate any consequences for their behavior (e.g., exposure).

Her adulterous action occurred outside your marriage. Her decision to commit adultery was not a joint marriage issue (subject to marital privacy) but rather a secret independent personal decision she is 100% responsible for.

I'm rooting for you rynoz. You're doing what needs to be done; getting out of infidelity and taking your life back. Keep the heat on your WW; maybe she'll learn from it. Telling family and friends is the right thing to do. Exposure to the light of day is the best thing you can do for a cheater. Keep moving forward toward freedom. Take care of yourself. I wish the best for you.

She asked for a year with the POS on her way to become an ideal partner. In her head she may have been very confident about her plan and your agreeing to it.

goalong: I thought the same thing. The first post describes her intense efforts to love bomb rynoz into thinking that proposal would be remotely acceptable to him. You know, because that's what civilized people do. Like being nice to someone would make them agree to something they had fundamental issues with. It's actually kind of funny that she thought that would even work.

My wife has been getting phone calls from friends and family about her bullshit. Accusing me of telling people our business. Well first off this is my life too. Am I supposed to sit in a dark corner while she is carrying on? That’s crazy. Maybe these calls are starting to shine a negative light on her fantasy? I don’t know but you doing it. Why get mad when you called on it?

Good for you, rynoz. She can't call you on telling the basic truth. The short answer is, yes, this IS your life. It IS your business to either tell or not tell, other people. You are the victim of her choices and schemes. She doesn't get to enlist you to be her PR flack after she broke everything with her selfish choices. You don't owe a cheater you have no plans to reconcile with any basic courtesy OR discretion. If you were negotiating reconciliation, maybe, but she has pretty much destroyed that possibility with her ridiculous "live with the OP for a year" or open marriage proposals. You can't trust her, and you don't have to make adultery convenient for her either. Too bad if she looks bad. It's adultery. When you choose that road, you never end up looking like a hero (or heroine).

[This message edited by KingofNothing at 8:56 AM, February 19th (Wednesday)]

Rynoz,

Good work on exposing you are not obligated to lie to others about why your marriage ended and it is unhealthy to do so.

You did not take a vow of dishonesty when you wed your wife.

The exposure also removes your wifes fantasy of introducing OM to her family and friends as something other than affair partner. It makes real life close in on the cheaters that much faster.

The OM will have a dirty reputation which he rightly deserves, along with multiple broken bones.

Part of me was hoping that the fog would lift and find some way to R. This last blowout which I didn’t follow the 180 and engaged while she spit her venom. At this point the b-ball is rolling towards D but in the back of my mind dopey me thinking maybe she’ll come around.

Hope you stand by the "act like to end to save it" approach in your R effort. It is a red flag when a WS poke fun at the BS with the POS.

Her bizarre one year transition period may be just to make sure that the POS is ok to move in with.

She said she hasn’t been happy for the last 3 years and felt like she wasn’t really married.

Most of the time these sorts of statements end up being not true, or only partially true. It's known as "rewriting the history of the marriage."

Am I supposed to sit in a dark corner while she is carrying on?

Answer: No.

Screw her and her entitlement.

At this point the b-ball is rolling towards D but in the back of my mind dopey me thinking maybe she’ll come around.

If she changes her tune make sure it’s genuine. Repeats happen. You don’t want to go through a false R.

Sometimes, the only way out of hell is through it.

Action creates peace and joy as you move farther and farther along to your destination.

Good luck. It's a hard road.

And my guess is she has read something somewhere about polyamory as this shit is all over everything women read these days. Its the new enlightened pathway to happiness and they discover they can cake eat.

BR is right. This shit is everywhere these days and it almost always -- especially in feature articles in the mass media -- seems to go in one direction.

Rynoz, hats off to you, sir. If all of us were as decisive as you've been in the early days we wouldn't be here that's for sure. The way this cake-eating "eat, pray, love" polyamory trend ends is for more betrayed husbands to simply say "no" and walk away.

So he did what i call hitting the iron and getting swole.

Going to the iron temple, and getting serious about a protocol and clean diet, is one of the quickest, cheapest and most effective things a betrayed husband can do for themselves. Learn meal prep, commit to it and you will see amazing results. It's also much faster than most men think: Only one month of hitting the iron temple relentlessly can have noticeable results. 2 months makes it stick. Three months and people will wonder if you're doing 'roids.

I always recommend Jim Stoppani's "Stoppani's Shortcut for Size" protocol. Easy to find spreadsheets for it on the internet. It's not really a "shortcut" but it is remarkably effective if you stick with it.

Were you told when she will be served?

Good luck and stay strong!!!!