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She should be served either Friday or next week. But sooner the better as far as I’m concerned.

My wife has been getting phone calls from friends and family about her bullshit. Accusing me of telling people our business.

Just curious but did you get screenshots of those messages between your WW and her AP making fun of you? It’s especially impactful when those family and friends can reference specific quotes from those screenshots and ask your WW what the hell she was thinking and what kind of monster would talk that way about their own loving spouse. She’ll spend more time trying to defend her statements than getting you to defend your airing out the situation.

Waywards generally pull the privacy card on occasions like this. It’s their only cover they have to carry on their bullshit behavior. When she went behind your back with a third person about both your marital issues she nullified any right to demand you keep the issues just between you both. On top of that she used the marital issues as fodder for her and the AP to get their jollies off. Any family member or friend reads those messages should immediately understand why you are upset and who is the cause of it.

I did not get screenshots of the messages. I was thinking I was going to get caught. But she has a crazy story she said she is going to put out to her family and friends. I doubt she Calls anyone because that puts their relationship in jeopardy because I’m sure he doesn’t want to be found out because he has a family. But when she heard that I talked to a loose lip confident she exploded. Hurling insults saying how she was done and all this. I told her to get her shit and bounce. Not telling her about the D papers on the way. But the long and short of it is she is at my house now. Guess why? Because the AP already has a family and she can’t move in.

Will she be served at work?

Do what is right for you and your recovery.

The truth will set you free!

Buffer

No. Chose to have her served at home. If she actually moved out then I will have them serve her at work.

No. Chose to have her served at home. If she actually moved out then I will have them serve her at work.

Another common response from WS's.

"You told someone about my A? That is huge betrayal of trust that I CANNOT stand! Our M is OVER because of YOUR ACTIONS!"

The righteous indignation on this one is common and never fails to surprise me. I will never understand this one. Wayward thinking at its finest I guess.

My wife has been getting phone calls from friends and family about her bullshit. Accusing me of telling people our business.

To be fair she introduced a third party into your M. Turn about is fair play.

Stay the course. You are on a path to a happier future with endless possibilities. It will suck for awhile, but in the end you will be free from her NPD tendencies. Become your own plan A.

Ryan

I did not get screenshots of the messages. I was thinking I was going to get caught.

That's unfortunate. Is there any way you could get another shot at it, maybe when she is asleep? Time is of the essence. You need that tangible proof in case you need to prove what transpired. She doesn't sound like a technical genius to me if she still can't figure out how you got his name.

But she has a crazy story she said she is going to put out to her family and friends.

The classic rewriting of the narrative every adulterous spouse uses to make themselves the good guy and not feel guilty for stepping out on their partner. See, this is why you need the screenshots, in case anyone buys the bullshit she is peddling.

I doubt she Calls anyone because that puts their relationship in jeopardy because I’m sure he doesn’t want to be found out because he has a family.

Man! That's almost funny if it weren't tragic. He has a family. Hmmm. Do you have any idea where this mook lives?

But when she heard that I talked to a loose lip confident she exploded. Hurling insults saying how she was done and all this. I told her to get her shit and bounce.

Wow, she's not suggesting an open marriage any more? I wonder what could have happened? Shit, this part IS funny. She's getting angry and desperate.. why? Her big plan relied on a couple of things:

You would be so pussy bombed you go along with her "I am the prize" bullshit.

Her boyfriend would choose her over his family.

It does not look like either of those things have happened.

Not telling her about the D papers on the way. But the long and short of it is she is at my house now. Guess why? Because the AP already has a family and she can’t move in.

I'm sorry. I know this is your wife and I mean no actual disrespect, but it's there's kind of a feeling of cosmic justice going on now..

Keep on keeping that balance of power shifted in your direction. I really loved that comment about "pack your shit and bounce". It conveys everything correctly.

Kingofnothing. It is crazy. No she is no longer suggesting anything. I must have told her enough times that I wasn’t down with that program. However, after that blowout I was expecting and I’m sure she was expecting the white knight to ride in and rescue her. No such luck. I am really confused with how a woman who is close to 50 and knows how the game is played is caught up in this particular situation I honestly think she tried to change the rules of engagement with him and now look. He ain’t leaving because of he was he had plenty of time to do it. Note she sitting at my house stressed and upset because she doesn’t really know her next move because the whole thing was based on this guy. If he ends up at least helping her move somewhere that would be great but I just don’t see her leaving at all.

Kingofnothing. It is crazy. No she is no longer suggesting anything. I must have told her enough times that I wasn’t down with that program. However, after that blowout I was expecting and I’m sure she was expecting the white knight to ride in and rescue her. No such luck. I am really confused with how a woman who is close to 50 and knows how the game is played is caught up in this particular situation I honestly think she tried to change the rules of engagement with him and now look. He ain’t leaving because of he was he had plenty of time to do it. Note she sitting at my house stressed and upset because she doesn’t really know her next move because the whole thing was based on this guy. If he ends up at least helping her move somewhere that would be great but I just don’t see her leaving at all.

Why is she still at your house?

The1stwife. That’s a very good question. It seems obvious to me that her AP is not leaving his family. I guess no matter what amount of pressure she may be putting on him. On her own financially she can’t leave. Or she would have. She had completely fucked herself in this deal. She knew he had somebody and I guess initially this was just supposed to be for fun. Then SHE caught feelings. Trying to clear the deck for somebody who has no intention to leave his family. And why would he leave his family for someone who cheated on their husband with him. He can see and knows what she’s doing to me. He’d be a straight fool to leave. Her on the other hand has caused so much damage behind this bullshit that when it hits she’ll be wondering to herself why she even bothered with that.

She’s a bewildered entitled princess.

She will contact you and explode once she is served. Guaranteed.

Are you still open to R?

I’m sure somewhere in her mind she thinks that I will file. I don’t think it will be completely unexpected. Will she explode? I would have to say that she shouldn’t but we’ll see. I think filling will really put her in a spot because the AP has not completely signed on yet. Am I open to R? Right now I have mixed emotions. I probably would if she did complete and 100% participation. With counseling and stuff. Change phone numbers, no contact, and iTunes tracking her locations until some manner of trust but verify was done. I don’t know if she would agree to all of that once she’s blown up but if not. Then no to R.

You need to prepare yourself for the 48 hours after she is served.

There is a reaction that is fairly predictable.

She will experience fear of change...and she will want to know that you love her and that she can come home, seek forgiveness, and keep her plan B (you) open ended.

She will display overly dramatic emotions...professing that the loves you, is confused, sorry, can't understand, can't believe she did XYZ...you deserve better...and so on.

It is an act. She just wants to know that her plan B is still open if she needs it.

Turn your phone off, turn off the volume on her voice, and lock down your emotions. Be a robot for 48 hours if you must be around her. She is going to tug at your heart strings hard....plus try to sex bomb you if all else fails.

It is a power play to bring you in line with her wishes and her control.

Shut it down...

I’m sure somewhere in her mind she thinks that I will file. I don’t think it will be completely unexpected. Will she explode? I would have to say that she shouldn’t but we’ll see. I think filling will really put her in a spot because the AP has not completely signed on yet.

I agree. You sent her the paperwork last week and she didn't explode then. She just asked you if you were sure you wanted to do this. TBH, I thought your answer looked indecisive at the time ("you seemed sure") but now I don't think so. You communicated your intention clearly-- there would be consequences for her choice. I do think she will be shocked and dismayed that things have escalated to this level so quickly, but unlike a lot of cheaters she seems to have some grasp of reality. Even if she's coming across as delusional for her assumptions. Reality just isn't cooperating with her messed up plans right now, that's all. No wonder she's grumpy.

[This message edited by KingofNothing at 8:05 AM, February 21st (Friday)]

Kingofnothing. I’m missing her grasp on reality here. None of the situation that she got herself into makes any sense to me. I think she is still in a fog but it might be wearing off a little as the AP cools off. He signed on for a good time not to uproot his life. I was on the road the last two days and haven’t been home but I noticed on the alarm system that she got home early from work and set the alarm to stay less than an hour of her getting home. That never happens like that. Maybe with all of this she is feeling the pain and stress. Pain that AP isn’t coming around and stress of what’s next.

It’s all about her. No one else mattered much.

This was carefully planned and executed.

No fog caused that. She knew exactly what she was doing.

[This message edited by Marz at 8:52 AM, February 21st (Friday)]