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Onions wants to kill this affair with one blow. He needs more solid proof to delivery that killing blow. His WW is more wily than any I've heard of, on SI and RL. Cold and calculating, she is. I doubt if she'd crack with what he has on hand now.

Onions wants to kill this affair with one blow. He needs more solid proof to delivery that killing blow. His WW is more wily than any I've heard of, on SI and RL. Cold and calculating, she is. I doubt if she'd crack with what he has on hand now.

I agree with all of the above.

It's going to take solid, irrefutable evidence in hand to ensure a convincing argument that CO indeed knows the truth.

She is indeed very wily and her tactics to date make detection and verification very difficult.

I agree with everyone here that Onion needs to get as much evidence as possible. But if he isn't able to get any more evidence, what he has up to now is enough to expose the EA/PA/whatever it is. The whole thing won't just blow over with the evidence he has, and WW will not be able to successfully argue that nothing is happening.

Hey ChoppingOnions, It's great you have so much support on here. I'm sorry you are going through this, it must have been difficult to type out the messages between them - I know I couldn't, let alone read them.

Redflags are flapping in the wind - I don't think you need more evidence. It's there in the texts. They will be not be communicating on the work email for sure (my fWH purposely avoided it) and lots of the blackberry. You can go to the trash folder or sent items folder if she forgets to clear it. How about phone records? When you talk to her you should definitely talk about how you are feeling things aren't good and how you want it to be - she'll probably feel guilty and think twice (or maybe not). You're doing a good job. The only thing I would have done is hire PI when I suspected.

I appreciate everyone's support. You've all been great at giving me ideas and offering support.

Agree with palerider -- one killing blow to this affair would be nice.

There's been pretty much radio silence since she returned. Nothing in her emails anyway (watching all inboxes, deleteds, sent mail, etc.). Don't know about texts because of that INFERNAL BLACKBERRY FROM HELL.

Called [Edit:emailed] a lab about confirmatory testing on the undies...they said, "Sure thing, bring it on over, but you you don't get it back." Guess she'll be minus one pair. All for $299.

As soon as she's back to work, I'm making a beeline to the undie testing lab.

[This message edited by ChoppingOnions at 2:47 PM, April 7th (Thursday)]

Yeah, I figured it'd be pricey, but I'm still placing odds that your preliminary go at it points to a positive, just not enough to be certain. A lab will appease the conscience and give you that certainty.

And driers eat one sock out of a pair all the time...why not an occasional pair of undies?

Interesting angle about the lab tests. Not sure if all they test for is semen, but it might be possible to get DNA of the donor. Might be an interesting way to approach OBW, that you have solid proof of an A, circumstantial proof that he is, and a DNA sample for comparison if she wants proof.

If you live in a fault state you could threated to subpeona a DNA sample from OM.

No, actually doing this would not help your situation, but the threat of this might be enough that somebody gets thrown under the bus, and however silly it might sound, BS's are known to do irrational things, and the career implications for her would be so horrific that she might come clean and defog rapidly.

Glad to hear that you are going to run the britches over to the testing lab. Did they give you a time frame of how long it will take for results?

This is brilliant. Hoping you have the evidence in hand before long!

I don't care much about the DNA (which they will do for some more $$$). Testing for seminal fluid is enough proof for me.

If it's positive, then maybe I'll ask if they can hold the sample for DNA testing if the OMW wants it. Will cross that shitstor...er, bridge later. I'm pretty sure they would want a cheek swab or something, although I'm sure they could do hairbrush or toothbrush if needed, since very little DNA is needed.

One step at at time.

She's still ill, so it might not happen tomorrow (make that today, it's late). She seems a bit down mood-wise. I don't think I've blown my cover unless she's gotten concerned about the missing undergarment.

I asked about turnaround time in my email, but they didn't answer that part. I'm sure I'll find out when I drop the sample off.

Tonight I walked the dog, and I thought about all the things I might say to her if I ended up with proof. Holy hell, I can't believe where this is going. All I can think about is my little princess and how this might affect her. %*^$&

I'm so burned out on this stuff. Thanks for listening.

CO, I'm sorry for your pain. I've been following your thread and really pulling for you.

She's probably feeling down because her little trip with POM is over and is having withdrawal like symptoms. Another thing is, I believe you mentioned early, that they're project is over. If that's the case maybe they really won't be working with each other anymore and she's feeling really down about that. Again withdrawal like symptoms.

My FWH said it was like a drug, the feelings he got. He knew it was wrong, but couldn't stop. In my case it was a ONS, but they kept talking and texting/sexting and going out to breakfasts/Lunches/Dinners and coffee. During this time he was very cold, withdrawn and mean. Has she done any of this to you too? If not be prepared, she may start taking it out on you.

(((Chopping Onions)))

She knows she's busted. Just waiting for the hammer to fall, now. Keep cool and chipper. Don't let her draw you out about your thoughts. You have no suspicions.

The exception would be if she springs a full confession on you. Which is unlikely. Despite her meticulous track covering, she still engages in "magic thinking" as part of the adventure.

[This message edited by palerider at 12:56 PM, April 7th (Thursday)]

Chopping - the VAR in her car will most likely give you the evidence you need. My husband kept a secondary, secret cell phone hidden in his car and used it to keep in touch with the OW. He would sit in his car at our kids school, waiting to pick them up after their sports practices, and talk to her on the phone.

I used to wonder why he always left a half hour early to pick them up.

Sounds like your wife is a very meticulous, organized person, and even if you got hold of her Blackberry and had her password, she is probably not saving much on it. She's being too careful, it sounds like.

But trust me - when they talk to each other on the phone, and you get it on the VAR, you will have all the proof you need.

I am so sorry you are going through this. We've all been there, and we all know that sick feeling you have in the pit of your stomach right now. My heart is breaking for you. You sound like such a good man.

For a person to be so careful like this seems to point to the idea that this isn't this isn't the first time, that she's experienced at this. This probably isn't her first rodeo.

My thoughts as well. Reminds me of a woman I heard interviewed on NPR once who had a number of affairs for fun. She had it really worked out on how not to be caught and was only caught once. The OM did not follow her instructions and his BW busted him and ratted him out to the woman's BH, who shitcanned her. She's in another marriage to another chump. Still likes to play.

http://thestory.org/archive/the_story_910_Angela.mp3/view

I would not assume multiple A's based on this. She is a professional, meaning she has to be organized. Newbie cheaters can be very paranoid about keeping things secret. It is often the serial cheaters that become careless after not being caught for a while. They devalue the spouse so much that they underestimate our intelligence and start to become more brazen.

I've been following your thread also, and don't remember if you are checking the cell phone bill for numbers and text messages?

I did it online, lots can be told with frequent callers and such.

Hang in there.

Not much to report. She's been down for the count with this virus since Tuesday. I've been the model husband/father so she can stay in bed. I think it's 40/60 whether she goes back to work tomorrow.

Continued radio silence on her emails. VAR (in house), no dice. I just listened to hours of coughing and sneezing.

I have errands to run tomorrow, so hopefully getting to the lab is one of them.

As to whether she's a serial cheater or just a good newbie, I really couldn't say. Either way, I've certainly been in the dark about it. I never suspected anything in the past before all of this. Because this A is work-related involving long distances, seemingly infrequent communication, and also infrequent physical proximity, it's certainly something that could be easily kept well hidden unless one was looking for it.

The other thing is that she stands to lose ALOT by having this exposed. Our D has been her LIFE since she was born, no question. She is highly regarded in her field, which requires a high degree of ethics/integrity. She is VERY much affected by how her family perceives her (controlling parents, etc.). She wants outward appearances of our family to be pristine, whatever the cost. Exposing a PE would shatter all of this, and more. She would VERY, VERY MUCH not want this to be public knowledge.

[Edit: tmi]

[This message edited by ChoppingOnions at 2:58 PM, April 8th (Friday)]

I've been following your thread also, and don't remember if you are checking the cell phone bill for numbers and text messages?

I did it online, lots can be told with frequent callers and such.

Hang in there.

It's quite likely that he can't. My employer provided my phone through Verizon and I don't ever see the bill and while I can login to myverizon for the number, I have no access any detailed usage information or bill details.

I can see where CO is in a rough spot concerning evidence gathering...work phone a personal office, locked work cell, discretion on work email and travel meetups makes things very difficult to find hard proof of what's going on.

I think I'm in a pretty good bargaining position. (Of course I'm dead meat if she ever found this forum - crosses fingers).

Those last couple of paragraphs may be tmi from a privacy angle.

I do believe you however can request a printout from your boss on the work usuage of the cell phone. So you can see the numbers called and when. I know it might be a tad embarrassing for someone to ask but most companies I am sure will provide this to their employees if asked for it. Just what someone had printed on here before..