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Welllllll. I came on back home after being gone for 4 hours to find her getting dressed to leave. She didn’t say one word nor did I. I can only assume at this time of the day that it’s time to get with AP to plan strategy or to see what his real plans are before she speaks. I have no clue. But things did get shook up this morning. I really hope she just leaves. He tells her come on. I don’t care if he takes her on. Don’t think he will but I don’t care.

She says she’s on board with the divorce and will be filling a counter petition. That’s was all. So here we go.

Well, at least she's not arguing with you, so there's that. I do agree with these other folks who have recommended that you carry a VAR from here on out. You might check to see what wire-tapping laws are in your state, but if it's one-party, you're set. Just keep working on getting your side of the settlement prepared. Carry your VAR, and don't get drawn into any kind of protracted discussion with her.

I'm sorry that it's come to this. But from the very beginning, her insistence that she should be allowed to have both husband and boyfriend, made it unlikely that she'd end up being a good candidate for R. Cheaters just typically aren't that brazen when they're caught out. The ego on this woman is just shocking.

Strength to you.

Yes. Her ego is on the tenth power. I do have a recorder on my Apple Watch so I was prepared for that. But we’ll see what happens after her meeting with her AP. We’ll see if he’s ready to step in or not. I’m sure she’s basing her decision on that. But in any event the process is started. It’s time for fantasy to become reality and we’ll see what happens next.

I’ve been following. You are doing the right thing and following the only real path you have.

I wish you strength going forward.

Things are super quiet over here. I’m a little surprised there wasn’t some fireworks. I really wasn’t prepared for this. But it’s only been since this morning so I’m sure it’s still processing. I don’t know but it’s weird.

Beware.

If AP doesn’t step up she may go into self protection mode. I’m sorry, it was always you, you’re the only one, I’m gonna promise you the moon, etc, etc, etc.

Her words are meaningless and repeats happen.

Many jump into R then end up with a repeat.

With her brazen attitude it’s a huge red flag. Under your circumstances I’d dump her and move on.

[This message edited by Marz at 2:19 PM, February 23rd (Sunday)]

I suggest you get her to agree to the details of the divorce while she's still in the fog of love and in a hurry to free herself from marriage.

She already said she doesn’t agree to the terms. All children are gone. There is only assets and liabilities to deal with. She can file but everything needs to be 50/50. I’m really surprised there has been no attempted conversation or anything yet. But i really don’t know if she had talked to the AP. I only assume she has because she isn’t talking to anyone else. I find it odd though she left the house wearing her wedding ring. Why? I would think she should be happy to free herself from me and shouldn’t be wearing my ring.

Bud you try and rationalize an irrational cheater you’ll just drive yourself nuts.

Don’t grasp at straws either

Alright Marz, I’ll ease up.

Make sure you have gathered all your important papers, make copies of them. And put them in a safe place where your STBXWW can't get them.

Remember D is a business transaction. I can not stress that enough. If she is still in a fog, you can actually get more then you need. She may be inching to get out and leave with less then what's coming to her. But make sure you get what you need in the D.

[This message edited by NoOptTo at 3:14 AM, February 24th (Monday)]

I don’t know what this means STBXWW

STBXWW- soon to be ex wayward wife

Update. I gave her the copy of the papers. She said she didn’t agree with the terms and was on board with the divorce. I said nothing. This morning she text me saying that she was going to file a counter petition to get favorable terms if I didn’t agree to a similar breakdown that we had being married. I did not respond. But I realized last night that she has had the AP driving her car that I pay the insurance on. I know this because I have a photo of him driving. I decided to get a separate insurance policy for the car that I have been driving for that I’d actually titled to her. So she can’t take it like I can’t make her move out. I’m going to inform her that I won’t be paying insurance for a car where she has AP driving it and has had driving without a license charge and driving without insurance. I don’t need the liability for something that’s in my name. I plan on dropping that on her this afternoon. However, her tone has changed. No venom yesterday or today yet.

Just send her an e-mail that you need to "Separate your finances" and she needs to bring her financials to the kitchen table and meet with you to go over monthly bills, expenses, and who will pay what.

If you haven't done so...you need to open your own bank accounts, credit cards, and similar...and close all the joint ones with 50% of the funds being either left in something joint, or placed in a holding account with full paper trail for later divorce.

Don't leave money or assets where she can make it vanish. It will vanish...

Also, if you have not done so- Freeze your credit report. DO THIS NOW...or she can open lines of credit, run them up, and you are 50% responsible for paying the bills.

I’m going to inform her that I won’t be paying insurance for a car where she has AP driving it and has had driving without a license charge and driving without insurance. I don’t need the liability for something that’s in my name.

That’s a huge liability. Better run that by your attorney before dropping the insurance.

This should get any hopium out of your system.

Get that separation paperwork in play ASAP to protect yourself

Marz. I think this is one of those things where based on this situation I’ll deal with it from a judge. I have a picture of him driving her car. The liability is huge for me if something were to happen while he was driving. I’ll take the slap on the wrist if needed. I’m not canceling the policy. I’m giving her a chance to pick it up and pay and be responsible while she is out doing her stuff.

This morning she text me saying that she was going to file a counter petition to get favorable terms if I didn’t agree to a similar breakdown that we had being married

.

Depending on where you live, filing on grounds still has weight. In some states, for example, it can keep you from having to pay alimony. And of course it's a harder path and more expensive, but your STBX has no frame of reference really for whether you're actually willing to drag her ass through the court system as an adulterer, subpoena her lover, and make her adultery a matter of public record. Sure, the lawyers are the ones who benefit, but she can't be sure you're not angry enough to just say "fuck it, let 'em".

IOW, there's an easy way and a hard way. Your best bet is to let her know that the easy way is your preference, but if she wants to fight it out in court, you'll be happy to refile on grounds and she'll be going down on the public record as an adulterer. Now, if memory serves, she works for an attorney, so maybe she thinks she can beat that. But if she doesn't, every future employer who looks her up is going to know all her business.

[This message edited by ChamomileTea at 12:43 PM, February 24th (Monday)]

ChamomileTea I’m in Florida. Adultery is still on the books but it is a criminal offense. I would need to hire a criminal attorney. I don’t know if I can do that on my own. But Florida is no fault so to some degree they don’t care why you’re divorcing.