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Newest Member: SnowyOwl

Just Found Out :
Punch to the Gut

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SoulCrushed16 ( member #53364) posted at 6:53 PM on Wednesday, September 21st, 2016

((((((((TOC))))))))))

We are here for you hon.

"The best day of my life is the rest of my life without you " --- SC16

posts: 937   ·   registered: May. 25th, 2016   ·   location: USA
id 7666773
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sewardak ( member #50617) posted at 6:55 PM on Wednesday, September 21st, 2016

i am so sorry you are going through this. take good care of yourself.

posts: 4125   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2015   ·   location: it's cold here
id 7666777
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Alaska77 ( member #44743) posted at 6:58 PM on Wednesday, September 21st, 2016

Sending strength your way.

posts: 852   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2014   ·   location: Midwest (not Alaska)
id 7666780
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StillStanding1 ( member #40144) posted at 7:04 PM on Wednesday, September 21st, 2016

Sending hugs. We are all holding you up in spirit.

Me: BS50s Him: WH50s
M 25 years - DD DS DS
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday - 2/13, S for 1 year, now R

posts: 1632   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2013   ·   location: Midwest
id 7666787
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Questioningall ( member #43959) posted at 7:05 PM on Wednesday, September 21st, 2016

I cannot imagine holding myself together to do all that you have done. I know you're devastated and falling apart, but you've kept your life going and acted decisively. You might not feel strong, but you are. Your WH lost big time.

Me-BS 57
Him-WS 57 Sorrowfulmate
Married 30 years, 5 kids
Dday #1 12/12 He made up a ONS
Dday #2. 3/14 EAs, 3 ONS, 2 LTA

Buttercup: We'll never survive.
Westley: Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has.

posts: 594   ·   registered: Jul. 2nd, 2014
id 7666789
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Ilovejoe ( new member #55035) posted at 7:10 PM on Wednesday, September 21st, 2016

I'm so sorry, hon.

posts: 26   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2016
id 7666796
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SpokenFor ( member #48401) posted at 7:12 PM on Wednesday, September 21st, 2016

How awful you must have felt; I am so glad you have loving support waiting for you. It had to be done and could not have been made easier. So sorry you are in this pain.

posts: 162   ·   registered: Jun. 26th, 2015   ·   location: California
id 7666798
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Amazingyetlost ( member #43745) posted at 7:16 PM on Wednesday, September 21st, 2016

{{{{{{TOC}}}}}}}

We all got your back, as do your amazing friends.

ME: 63 BW
HIM: 62 EA & PA, ten months (madboomer)
Married: December 24th, 2013; he started the A in the months before wedding
D/Day: June 3rd 2014 (karma bus ran them over on OW birthday); NC June 4th 2014
Just sad all of the time

posts: 420   ·   registered: Jun. 17th, 2014   ·   location: Aotearoa
id 7666806
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Brave30 ( member #41124) posted at 7:26 PM on Wednesday, September 21st, 2016

Sending you strength.

(((((((TOC)))))))

posts: 379   ·   registered: Oct. 27th, 2013
id 7666825
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Freeme ( member #31946) posted at 7:30 PM on Wednesday, September 21st, 2016

(((TOC))) thinking of you. So glad you have friends and family waiting for you.

posts: 2807   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2011   ·   location: Washington DC
id 7666831
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 TurnOtherCheek (original poster member #55194) posted at 7:39 PM on Wednesday, September 21st, 2016

I have 20 minutes to take off...

I am devastated. He is destroyed. It is all so unnecessary. No denial. He felt strongly I knew but convinced himself otherwise. He knows I'm not dumb but he wished I had just asked him. I wished he hadn't cheated.

Six months ago they started chatting after running into each other at local dog park. I know her. She sits for our dogs when we travel. They rain into each other at local dog park and then kept meeting up there. I even went along a few times. When I wasn't there, it got flirty. Escalated to PA 4 months ago - I didn't want any more of the details. I loved her, she's adorable- as a dog sitter! She took/takes great care of our dogs. I didn't recognize phone because it's her personal phone, not her work phone. She's 18 years younger than me, divorced, one daughter, 9 years old. Her fucking name is CANDY!

He does not love her and never told her so. Says THE text ended it. He's been 'sick' about it ever since. Didn't see her over my time away - so he says. He canceled her services because she was to take care of our dogs over our vacation and that is why they texted after the fateful text. Says he put the dogs in a kennel instead - one she recommended! Called himself an old, stupid fool.

I have to board my flight. If I have wifi, I will try to write more.

My advice - never, ever try to end your marriage in an airport. I never realized how loud airports are until I tried to do this. I had to duck into a family bathroom to get away from the announcements and noise. It was a shit storm - pun absolutely intended!

He is trying to come home as soon as possible. He does not want me to leave. He knows he does not get to decide that.

Me: BW x 2 - 53
Ist XWH: Married over 17 years, DD and DS (mine)
2nd XH: Also 53, DS (his), 8 yrs together
OW: Pet sitter
D-Day: 9/11/16
Divorced in 60 seconds flat. http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=591733

posts: 441   ·   registered: Sep. 17th, 2016
id 7666839
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 TurnOtherCheek (original poster member #55194) posted at 7:39 PM on Wednesday, September 21st, 2016

I have 20 minutes to take off...

I am devastated. He is destroyed. It is all so unnecessary. No denial. He felt strongly I knew but convinced himself otherwise. He knows I'm not dumb but he wished I had just asked him. I wished he hadn't cheated.

Six months ago they started chatting after running into each other at local dog park. I know her. She sits for our dogs when we travel. They rain into each other at local dog park and then kept meeting up there. I even went along a few times. When I wasn't there, it got flirty. Escalated to PA 4 months ago - I didn't want any more of the details. I loved her, she's adorable- as a dog sitter! She took/takes great care of our dogs. I didn't recognize phone because it's her personal phone, not her work phone. She's 18 years younger than me, divorced, one daughter, 9 years old. Her fucking name is CANDY!

He does not love her and never told her so. Says THE text ended it. He's been 'sick' about it ever since. Didn't see her over my time away - so he says. He canceled her services because she was to take care of our dogs over our vacation and that is why they texted after the fateful text. Says he put the dogs in a kennel instead - one she recommended! Called himself an old, stupid fool.

I have to board my flight. If I have wifi, I will try to write more.

My advice - never, ever try to end your marriage in an airport. I never realized how loud airports are until I tried to do this. I had to duck into a family bathroom to get away from the announcements and noise. It was a shit storm - pun absolutely intended!

He is trying to come home as soon as possible. He does not want me to leave. He knows he does not get to decide that.

Me: BW x 2 - 53
Ist XWH: Married over 17 years, DD and DS (mine)
2nd XH: Also 53, DS (his), 8 yrs together
OW: Pet sitter
D-Day: 9/11/16
Divorced in 60 seconds flat. http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=591733

posts: 441   ·   registered: Sep. 17th, 2016
id 7666840
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farsidejunky ( member #49392) posted at 7:45 PM on Wednesday, September 21st, 2016

Take your time. This is YOUR decision, on YOUR timeline, for the outcome YOU desire.

You have my sympathies, TOC.

“Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.”

-Maya Angelou

posts: 681   ·   registered: Aug. 30th, 2015   ·   location: Tennessee
id 7666845
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cass ( member #24261) posted at 7:49 PM on Wednesday, September 21st, 2016

I'm so sorry TOC. What a waste of a marriage, what stupidity. He ended it with that text but sent it anyway. He didn't end it with that text but asked for more.

If you need a place among the misty rolling hills and glens of Scotland for peace and solace, just get on another plane.

Hang in there TOC and keep walking through this hell. You don't need to decide anything yet until you want to. It's your call.

Take good care of yourself.

((((TOC))))

[This message edited by cass at 2:09 PM, September 21st (Wednesday)]

DDay - April 2008
Me - 58 and doing great, alone.

Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket!

posts: 5188   ·   registered: Jun. 4th, 2009   ·   location: Scotland
id 7666849
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UglyBetty ( member #53969) posted at 7:54 PM on Wednesday, September 21st, 2016

(((TOC))

I'm glad he didn't try to deny it. He can never undo what he's done but at least he didn't make it worse by lying. I don't know what else to say except that you're an incredibly strong woman and I'm so awed to see how you've been fighting through the pain. I'll keep following this thread and I wish for the very best for you, whatever the outcome.

posts: 88   ·   registered: Jul. 4th, 2016
id 7666857
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changeneeded ( member #51851) posted at 7:54 PM on Wednesday, September 21st, 2016

TOC

Yes! this is your decision. YOURS, not his, not ours, not the kids. Take your time! it doesn't need to be rushed.

Hope you can rest, (some) on the plane, now that he knows. We are all for you, no matter what!

posts: 614   ·   registered: Feb. 16th, 2016
id 7666858
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WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 7:59 PM on Wednesday, September 21st, 2016

Rainbow unicorn fart skittle land ain't so much fun once the wife finds out, huh, WH???

Of course he wants you to stay. Affairs exposed to daylight are ugly and disgusting.

(((TOC)))

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4526   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 7666868
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GoldenR ( member #54778) posted at 8:02 PM on Wednesday, September 21st, 2016

Why do they never care about their spouse's feelings until they're caught? God I hate that.

Sending strength your way!

[This message edited by GoldenR at 2:03 PM, September 21st (Wednesday)]

posts: 2855   ·   registered: Aug. 22nd, 2016   ·   location: South Texas
id 7666874
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AlwaysOnEdge ( member #42821) posted at 8:03 PM on Wednesday, September 21st, 2016

I am so sorry TOC.

Sending you hugs and strength.

Please look after you.

DDay 2am 04 Dec 2013
BS (Me)50
WW 51
Together since 93
Married 04
3 Children
R'ing, slowly.

posts: 84   ·   registered: Mar. 18th, 2014   ·   location: England
id 7666877
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1Faith ( member #38975) posted at 8:15 PM on Wednesday, September 21st, 2016

You have been an inspiration to many of us.

You are smart, strategic and a kind soul.

I wish you some peace at having confronting what you have been dealt.

May you find your way back to happy. One day and one decision at a time.

Know that we are all here rooting for you.

God bless.

Sometimes my life feels like a test I didn't study for

posts: 4131   ·   registered: Apr. 12th, 2013
id 7666892
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