SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Good suggestion to have someone come over when you confront to act as a witness. friend, family or attorney

Some have suggested that this is already a physical affair.

We. Don’t. Know. Yet.

Affairs tend to develop. With the timeline you give then MAYBE you got “lucky” and stopped it at the emotional stage. Maybe. Maybe not. We don’t know and personally I see no benefit in jumping to conclusions or making things worse than they are. Maybe they have had sex, maybe tonight was the night Jennifer had his big seduction-plan in place. We don’t know.

This can be important because way too often a WS doesn’t see an EA as infidelity. Be prepared for that.

I am not denying that it might be physical. Only suggesting we deal with what we know more than what we expect.

Tell your old lady you threw the phone at her boyfriend and it hit him in the eye and it broke.

then use your phone so she can call OM and ask him were her phone is.

Then tell her you left her at the party cuz her phone told you everything and the OM filled in the rest.

Tell her you want her side of the story.

But if it was me I wouldn't even talk to her until I hacked her phone.

[This message edited by TheGuy123 at 10:28 PM, December 14th (Friday)]

When you hide her phone (very well) turn the ringer off and put it on do not disturb or equivalent so she can’t call it from your kids’ phones to find it vibrating somewhere.

Late to the party, as usual

Sorry for the edit.

Good luck. Stay strong. She will paint the scenery to refect her as perfect and you as misunderstanding.

Stay strong. You deserve a loyal spouse.

Xoxo

[This message edited by changeneeded at 10:35 PM, December 14th (Friday)]

When you hide the phone put it in airplane mode and turn it off completely. Do not take a chance that she will use find my phone and gps locate it.

Pull the SIMM card too if it has one...he sure to use airplane mode and turn off the WiFi, otherwise it can be located easily.

She came home and acted like she had no idea of what the hell was going on. "why did you leave" "Why did you take my phone" "why did you call me a whore". I said "who the fuck is Robert and why is he listed under Jennifer in your phone?".

She said that it wasn't. I pulled her phone out and called "Jennifer" on speaker. He answered in that stupid sounding french accent "are you ok?" I said "yes but my hand hurts a little". He hung up and she started crying and saying that it isn't what it looks like.

I said that she needs to pack her shit and GTFO. I said that with 414 texts under a girls name it is pretty clear to see that you are cheating. She kept saying that nothing happened. She then started crying and pleading "please don't do this" I said that it wasn't me who did this. I then told her that I really did need her to stay somewhere else tonight. She just left for her sisters. And yes, I still have her phone.

Don't give her phone back.

Don't cop to having it. It is time for her to answer questions, not you.

Put it in airplane mode, and turn it off before you recover it so she can't turn it off.

Use your phone to record any interactions between you and her so she can't hit you with a phony domestic charge, this means you will also have to stay somewhat under control.

Give her one chance to come clean, make note of everything she says and compare it to any evidence you turn up.

Please see my earlier post about sleuthing.

Use a service like beenverified.com or truthfinder to find out more about "Jennifer".

BW here, just wanted to say don't discount the factt that he may have saw you you leave and then went back to talk to your wife, to make sure they get their stories straight. Especially if he's married as well and wants to do damage control to prevent his wife finding out.

Good answer to the POSOM!

And having the opportunity to touch him up like that is rare.

***

I don't know if you care, but maybe you should verify where she is tonight? She is definitely going to be in touch with him getting their stories straight.

[This message edited by TheGuy123 at 10:50 PM, December 14th (Friday)]

Please listen to all of the great advise here from the other posters ...

Keep CALM ... if you can’t keep your cool, stay in a hotel tonight.

DO NOT destroy her belongings ... like throw out her clothes, break shit, etc. Trust me, I know it’s tempting but you cannot destroy your spouse’s belongings (I threw my WH’s phone and cracked the screen and my lawyer was really mad I did that. Just don’t!)

As Bigger stated, you cannot throw her out or change the locks.

Tread carefully ... this craziness brings out the Godzilla in all of us ...

Don’t do anything crazy like go to OM’s house ...or call him

100 times ... try to get some sleep if possible.

She said that it wasn't. I pulled her phone out and called "Jennifer" on speaker. He answered in that stupid sounding french accent "are you ok?" I said "yes but my hand hurts a little". He hung up and she started crying and saying that it isn't what it looks like.

Sorry man but you'll get nothing but lies at this time.

She'll only admit to what you find.

All the evidence will be in her phone. You'll have to do a deleted text recovery. At this time it would pay you to have it done if you don't have the knowledge. You'll need her Apple password.

Were there any undeleted texts from Jennifer?

Your wayward is a smart cheater. Her actions gave her away.

You can tell by the dates from your phone bill on how long this had been going on.

Don't be surprised if some of her coworkers knew and may have even been enabling this.

You do need some time to determine what you want.

[This message edited by Marz at 10:55 PM, December 14th (Friday)]

Back from my night out and I see you’ve had quite the evening.

I’m really sorry for your pain. You don’t deserve this.

Now that you know who it is its important to stand strong for you daughters.

A few things.

1) it’s ok to tell her she has broken your heart and destroyed your marriage. It will be up to her to repair it

2) your daughters know something is up obviously, don’t lie to them. They will need at least one parent to tell them the truth while their world is turned upside down

3) tell your wife that if she is interested in saving her marriage that honesty is of the most important. She needs to tell you everything and do it as soon as possible. If she lies now and it comes out later that will be exponentially worse and it will be 100 times harder for her to save the marriage

4) let her know if she wants to be with this man, you won’t stand in her way, she can do what she wants BUT NOT AS YOUR WIFE. You will start the process to legally end the marriage that she has destroyed

5) if she is going to pine away for this PIece of Shit man, she can just go be with him. You don’t need any second hand woman that would rather be with someone else.

6) if she wants to save her marriage she will never contact this man again. That probably means quitting her job on Monday. It will take full transparency to prove she is no longer in contact with him. She will write a no Contact (NC) letter that she shows you and you will watch her send

7) this week she will start individuall counseling (IC) so she can figure out what broke inside her to make her betray you and your family

8) she will write you a timeline of the A. With ever detail. Every interaction. If it was physical she will describe exactly every contact

9) she will let you keep her phone and work on it to retrieve the messages she deleted. Without them Reconciliation will be almost impossible. It’s very hard to forgive what you don’t know.

10) if she doesn’t feel she can do this to save her marriage then you no longer need to discuss it and only communication between you will be about finances and your daughters. You will then call the lawyer on Monday to start divorce proceedings.

Friend, ask us any questions. Betrayed Spouses (BS) that take control are the most successful in repairing their marriages. Even so it will take years of hard work on her part and yours to get back to a happy marriage after this awful night.

If she is not all in to do that work, then you might as well know now. This has been a planned and calculated deception. There will be a lot for her to repair.

We feel for you and are here to help.

[This message edited by Stevesn at 10:54 PM, December 14th (Friday)]

Yep, she will be in contact with him. It would pay you to inform her sister of what's transpired.

He was mad you were there because your wife has been lying to him about you. Either she said you were separated or she said she was caught in an abusive marriage. It doesn’t make sense otherwise.

I think you’ve done ok, and I did love your phone call to the OM, but do try to keep a lid on your temper. It will work against you.

Or they are neck deep in an affair and he thinks she is his now. Probably a more likely senario.

[This message edited by Marz at 10:57 PM, December 14th (Friday)]

She is at her sisters house. My brother in-law just text me asking "whats going on?" I filled him in and he is 100% in my corner. He says she is sobbing in their living room. She told her sister that she did something stupid. My BIL thought it was a good idea keeping the phone. He said that he could help get her texts out of her phone.

He is going to give her his 8yr daughters iphone to use to call me. He said that he will check log in the morning to make sure she didnt call him.

I'm sorry you had to experience this mess. At this point she's not the girl you married. She's a liar and you can't believe or trust her.

She's desperate and in survival mode.

The less you say until you retrieve the texts the better. If she wants to talk insist on a timeline first.