SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

SilverStar, excellent post and advise, I wish I had your words on my dday.

Dan, this may not be an A, but all the hallmarks are there, at the very least, inappropriate communication of she is deleting messages.

Keep cool, God I know how hard that is but it will benefit you.

There is also some chance it's another woman don't discount that possibility.

Sure, that's possible, but why delete all of the texts between them? Unless they are talking about who they are cheating with?

Same-sex affair.

DaninOH if you want to gather evidence, here is something I put together for another person a few weeks ago:

If she has an iPhone and if she is cheating and texting this person and he has an iPhone, chances are they are "iMessaging".

iMessages go out over Wifi/data connections: They will not show up on your phone bill's text message records.

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Phone passcode cracking: You might be able to get her passcode by examining her screen for fingerprint smudges. I read somewhere once there is a way to make the smudges stand out more so you can identify the passcode.

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Check her iMessages on another iPhone: If she has an old iPhone that you can turn on and connect to the internet you might find that the iMessages will show up on that device. For example, if an iPad and an iPhone are registered to the same account iMessages will show up on both devices.

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Track her phone's location on Another iPhone: You might also be able to track the location of her iPhone using this corresponding device. Look in settings/find my iphone (Or something like that.)

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Check iCloud: If you know the username/password for her iCloud account, all kinds of stuff might get backed up there including iMessages, location history, and photos.

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Keylogging: If you have access to her computer, find and install a keylogger. This may lead to information that got deleted or get you passwords.

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Phone Undelete Software: If you can access her phone OR PHONE BACKUPS ON HER COMPUTER - you can use this type of software to undelete texts, KIK, Whatsapp, a bunch of stuff. You can copy everything on her phone to your own computer or go through her phone backups on her computer and look through it thoroughly at your leisure. It takes a while to copy though.

Stay far away from Dr. Fone! It sucks and can crash after an hour of work losing all your progress! I found that fonelab works well.

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Voice Activated Recorder Recommendation: The Sony ICD-PX470, $50 - $60 works very well and the price is right. Find it at Best Buy and Amazon.

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Email Research: If you can access her email, research it like crazy and keep tabs on it. Many people do not cover their tracks well. For example many will forget to delete email from their sent items or even double-delete them from the trash.

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Private Investigator: This is your best bet to find incontrovertible evidence.

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Take a Trip: But don't really take a trip. See what happens.

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I agree with everyone else, don't confront or ask any questions until you are pretty sure about the answers.

If I think of anything else I will post it.

Good luck to you DaninOH.

It didn't take long for the night to turn to shit. We arrived at the party and everything was going fine, we were having some drinks with a group of my wifes co-wokers. It was mostly women with about three guys who also work in the department.

Right away I noticed this French Canadian guy Robert who I have heard my wife mention. He just seemed like he was not happy being there. I acted like I was going to the restroom and kinda watched from a distance. I could see that they were talking, I cold not see her face but I could see his and he looked angry.

When I was walking back he moved to the other side of the room. I sat back down at the table as my wife with a friend was headed back to the bar. At this time I snatched her phone from her purse and sure as shit there was a message from "Jennifer" with just a frowny face . I checked "jennifers" number and guess what? Its the same number she has been calling.

I look back over towards Robert and this guy is actually giving me the stink eye. This Asshole was actually pissed at me for showing up with MY WIFE! I picked up my phone a sent a text to "Jennifer" that said "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT?" As soon a I sent it, he pulled out his phone and read it.

He gave me one last angry look and headed for the door. I know that I shouldn't have, but I followed him out. I caught up with him in the parking lot and asked "do we have a problem?" He said "we will if you keep following me". I said "what the fucks going on?" and he bowed up and bumps chests with me and then I proceeded dot his eye several times before he ran off screaming.

At this point I felt that it was better for me to head straight home. I called an attorney friend on the way home and seems more concerned civil side of it than he is of the criminal side. I guess we will see if the police show up. My wife just called me from a friends phone and asked me where the hell I was and if I had her phone? I told her to get her whore ass home.

[This message edited by DaninOH at 9:16 PM, December 14th (Friday)]

When she comes home then simply tell her you know what is going on.

Don’t ASK her what is going on. She will only lie if she thinks she can get away with it.

Tell her everyone at the office seems to have known because you got an e-mail warning you about it. You didn’t want to believe it, but your experience at the party confirmed everything in the e-mail.

Then give her a chance to tell you what’s going on in detail.

Tell her that this is a one-off offer.

Don’t mention that you know the phone-number, number of texts or that she hides him under “Jennifer”. Keep that to yourself for now.

Remember: only YOU have to be convinced. This isn’t a court of law.

[This message edited by Bigger at 9:20 PM, December 14th (Friday)]

I think you handled that pretty well. Next find out if he is married. Wife will have to leave her job or you could report them to HR. Hopefully it has not developed into a full sexual affair.

[This message edited by Smillie at 9:21 PM, December 14th (Friday)]

He was angry? He had a problem? I would have wacked him right in the jaw if he had pumped his chest out at me? Who the fuck does he think he is? WOW He was upset that his lover’s husband was there! Awwwww... poor guy. What an asshole.

Ok, she's cheating, it's confirmed, "Jennifer" is OM, just tell her she's got 30 seconds to tell the whole story, that you know what's going on and have a lot of info already, that's why you wanted to see the guy for yourself. You have her phone, download Dr Fone to recover the deleted texts. Looks like this has been going on for a while and it's most likely a PA. DO NOT take any blame from her, problems in the M are 50/50, her A is 100% her decision.

[This message edited by Buster123 at 9:30 PM, December 14th (Friday)]

I’m sorry Dan. We’ve all been there.

It’s going to be tempting but DO NOT REVEAL HOW YOU FOUND OUT OR WHAT YOU KNOW. You will be in a much stronger position if she is totally in the dark.

Do not tell her about SI. This is your place to come for help right now.

Prepare yourself for the denials or if she admits it, the blame shifting. Because you know, her cheating is all your fault.

Stay calm. Assertive. Direct.

This is only the very beginning of the journey we’ve all been through or are going through. One step at a time. We are here to support you and help you.

Don't give her back her phone until you've thoroughly gone through it

He pumped his chest at you and that is a threat and you have every opportunity to smack him in the mouth or break

his knee. Who the hell does he think he is? He has contempt for you. He doesn’t give a damn about you. He would have mocked you all night if you weren’t there. Now, deal with your wife. Tell her you know everything and that if she doesn’t confess you will file for divorce. She has one chance. And go to court and take out an order on him. He threatened you. Physically.

[This message edited by Mene at 9:31 PM, December 14th (Friday)]

And… if the police show up then insist this was self-defense. Yes, you followed him out to the car to ask him why he was listed as Jennifer on your wife’s phone but that when you tried calmly to talk to him he physically threatened you, invaded your private space and shoved you. Your reaction was pure self-defense because his threatening behavior was unexpected, and you feared for your life. Insist you used the least required level of violence to ensure your safety.

Sorry to hear things got so out of control so quickly. Hopefully there won’t be legal ramifications with the OM. I know you are just in shock now and trying to figure out what to do next. Don’t make matters worse. Talk to a friend if you think you cannot control your actions. We’re here for you in the difficult times ahead. There’s a lot to learn, stuff you would never normally want to know, but here you are. Try to stay calm and reach out if you feel your head is about to explode.

Get a good text recovery system like Fonelab and recover her deleted texts if you want the full truth.

Sorry man

She just sent a text saying that she is just now leaving to come home because she couldn't find a ride and she couldn't catch an uber because I have her phone. I don't know if she has any idea of what just happened. I have her suitcase open on the bed ready for her to pack. My girls are nosey as shit and know something is up. They want to know why I came home without their mother and with an injured hand. They keep calling her and it rings to me. This shit is all her fault!

He could have given you the stink-eye because she has told him a load of shit about you and your marriage.

It will be awkward for her and her other man showing up for work on Monday with his black eyes.

Yep, self defense.

There is nothing to worry about your actions. He physically threatened you. You have every right under law to protect yourself. The minute he threatened you and shoved his chest at you, you had every right to strike out once to protect yourself. Don’t be concerned about your actions. You did nothing wrong. Take out an order on him for threatening you.

Now, your wife is a serial liar. A cheat. You need to attend to that issue promptly and decisively. Tell her you know EVERYTHING and that if she doesn’t admit to what she has done you will begin divorce proceedings immediately. At first she will minimise. Then lie. Tell her you have all the evidence. Now you have the phone, do a recovery on all the text re “Jennifer”.

Any other texts from him (Jennifer)?

Don't give her the phone. If you have to tell her you don't know where it is. There is evidence there and you need it.

If the OM is married, he may not press charges at all as in all likelyhood the OBS will find out about the affair if he takes that route.