SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Please remember to get re-tested for STDs in six months, you never know what her liver(s) may have given her, and some things take time to show up

And Ifbthey were dealers, I doubt they used a condom.! And just think of the number of women that had exchanged sex with them to get drugs

Good luck

[This message edited by Kamstel at 4:47 PM, May 12th (Saturday)]

They were not her dealers.

wocket

A close friend of mine was getting married for the first time at the age of 34. He an his fiance worked in the same office. She is 32.

Two weeks before the wedding he had to go out of town and his fiance had sex with her XBF while he was away.

She finally confessed THE DAY before the wedding. He married her anyway. It lasted less than a year and they are now divorced for about 2 years.

He just learned through the friend's gossip network that she went on a trip to visit her parents for a week and came back pregnant. Still unmarried.

Wocket, I just read your thread. I echo others when I say I’m so sorry this has happened to you. Especially on the cusp of beginning a new life with someone.

I won’t say right or wrong, because it’s just so individual. But, in light of your decision to break up, I do wish you healing moving forward.

Take care of you.

Wocket, sorry for making the unfounded assumption.

Hope you are doing ok

And I hope you are also Taking care of yourself

[This message edited by Kamstel at 4:45 PM, May 12th (Saturday)]

A friend of mines wife left him and two young kids for her boss. Married 10 in Cal. He gets to pay lifetime alimony.

The hardest thing he said was realizing she was nothing special and that she was just an ordinary lying cheater.

You fiancé is no special snowflake.

Let her go.

Negative for all STI’s. Have obtained alternative housing. Have gotten support from family members. Was great to spend time with my family on mother’s day.

Have been eating a little bit. Have been working out a lot. I have always had somewhat of a healthy/active lifestyle but would perform best at one sport when I was 10# lighter than my d day weight, so I figure now is as good as any to get back there. Will watch to make sure I don’t lose beyond that.

Don’t know if I’m ok or not. Get waves of strong emotion that wash over then go away just like that. Usually anger and sadness - never at the same time. Am probably just bottling it up and pushing it back down. Had my first full “breakdown” on Saturday.

I have therapy tonight. Looking forward to going. Still at the stage where I feel like shit afterwards, but I know that’s part and parcel of moving the fuck on. Onwards and upwards ladies and gents.

Edit: Also I have been listening and playing more music than I have in a long time. Has been somewhat helpful, esp with processing and bringing out emotions i subconsciously try to bottle up.

[This message edited by wocket at 2:28 PM, May 14th (Monday)]

wocket,

I consider this a positive post from you. You are seeking help and support. You are accepting of it. And you sound receptive to the notion that it will help you recover.

You are "ok" for where you are at right now. That "ok" can change many times a day as your post indicates. You should be experiencing those feelings. The gym and music are great. And if you combine the two by finding the right playlist, you'll pound the shit out of the weights, and even more endorphins will flow.

Stay strong, keep posting.

wocket,

You seem to be taking the right steps. Thanks for reaching out to your family and updating us as well.

I've found the same with music. It's the main way I unlock the other feelings when I keep getting gridlocked into angry. Occasionally I can connect with a movie, book, or tv show to some degree but so far I've found none of that compares to Music and/or sharing the experience of getting my teeth kicked and trying to pull them back out of my ass to see if I can find a way to fit them back into place again (that would be what I'm doing here).

This is great news

Keep moving forward

All things considered I am an incredibly lucky person with the hand that the card game of life has dealt me. By virtue of my birth I am one of the luckiest humans to breath air on this planet.

That said, it had not come without its challenges. One of these is when I [bad accident].

It was a shitty thing to go through. But today I am happy it happened. [Result from bad accident] is not a significant handicap in any way. I am a better person after that happened. More grateful, better adjusted, etc etc. If I had the choice, i would choose to go through what I did.

I don’t know if I will ever feel the same about this. The only bright side is that I will be happy if happened now instead of after 10 years of marriage.

I’ve always been a trusting, non jealous person who felt safe and secure in my relationships. My fear is that she killed that part of me with what she did.

[This message edited by wocket at 4:07 PM, June 11th (Monday)]

Wocket,

You will find a woman that values that side of you .. Its still there, just buried a bit deeper than before.

You will find an awesome woman!!!

CDB

My fear is that she killed that part of me with what she did.

This fear does not need to become your reality. I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 2.5 years and am 6.5 years out from D-Day and 6 years from divorce being final. I have complete and utter trust in my boyfriend. Perhaps I will some day come to regret that (I really don't think so), but there are signs to look out for in people who make bad partners. He doesn't exhibit any of them. In addition, his words and actions have been consistent for the entire time of our relationship. And if he does turn out to be a dud, I have survived this once and can again.

There are people out there who allow something like this to define them and ruin the rest of their lives. I was determined not to be bitter or let this define me. Most people who know me now are shocked to hear that I was ever married.

You still have healing to do. But I promise you that you will get through this, and you will find an amazing lady someday and you will be amazed that you were ever willing to settle for someone like your ex. At least that's been my experience. Work the process, but I truly believe you have such a bright future ahead of you!

Wocket -

Before my ex cheated on me. I was a very trusting person. I did not mind her having friends. I did not mind her having male friends.

After she crossed the line and we went separate ways. In my later relationships I had the no male friends rule.

My now current wife understood why and ended all male friend relationships. I have no female friends.

I don't care what people say. Men and women can not be just friends.

I'm not that naive and that trusting anymore.

[This message edited by Txquail at 7:58 AM, May 15th (Tuesday)]

Don’t know if I’m ok or not. Get waves of strong emotion that wash over then go away just like that. Usually anger and sadness - never at the same time. Am probably just bottling it up and pushing it back down. Had my first full “breakdown” on Saturday.

This is what we call the emotional roller coaster. You're right it is part and parcel of moving forward for the betrayed and the triggers and dips will lean out over time, eventually to flat line. 2 years post Dday is the average time to be fully off that roller coaster. It can be sooner as you seek IC and acceptance of your situation, and you're already well underway with the acceptance. Everything so far you've described with your post Dday reaction is normal. If you can, along with expanding your music enjoyment throw in some comedy into your free time as well. Go to a comedy club with some friends. Watch some classic or modern comedy flicks or tv shows. Laughter can do wonders for your mood and helps lean out that roller coaster. When you get to that place where you can laugh at how your ex-fiance's typical reaction to affair being exposed (whether that was volunteered or not) all the blame shifting, the rationalizing, the attempted rug sweeping, etc. you will marvel at how scripted the flawed human behavior of cheating can be and shake your head at the stupidity of your ex-fiance.

I’ve always been a trusting, non jealous person who felt safe and secure in my relationships. My fear is that she killed that part of me with what she did.

No need to change this part about you. You should never have to feel guarded in your future relationships. Just that the relationship blinders must now be off. Everything going forward must be viewed with eyes wide open. No more excusing away odd behaviors or red flags. They are to be placed on the table for discussion with honesty and for clarity. Your experience with this infidelity and your path to healing will very likely give you the proper tools to deal with whatever challenges you have in your next relationship. If there is anything to really change, or at least re-examine, is your partner "picker". Exploring this will help ensure you do not pick another future "ex-fiance".

I haven't read any of the other replies but would never consider going through with marriage if the fiancé cheated. That should be a no questions asked deal breaker for every man or woman in this world no matter how remorseful or apologetic. Things like this happen for a reason and I know it is painful but things will work out to your benefit in the future. She did you a favor by showing her true self before you said your vows. Otherwise, it would have been much worse.

Wocket how old are you and your ex fiancée?

I’m 33, she’s 30

[This message edited by wocket at 1:18 PM, May 17th (Thursday)]

Has she shown any signs of being remorseful?