SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Unrelenting anguish and betrayal. Subsequent surreal life until divorce mercifully ends the torture, leaving you with anger but also the sense of freedom, renewal, and future possibilities.

Chaos nailed it for me.

Infidelity is like a life timeline made up:

Of lies, of cover-ups, of pretence, of manipulations, of gaslightings, of physical abuse, of emotional abuse, of impatience, of put downs, of silent treatments, of crititicisms, of angers, of resentments, of hates, of blames, of secrets, of masks, of emotional blackmails.

Of infatuations, of false love, of new sex, of obsessions, of addictions, of disappointments, of shame, of embarrassments, of regrets, of self-pity, of performance anxiety, of control, of superficial talking, of neediness, of insecurities, of moments of fun, of power, of emptiness, of loneliness.

Of mistrusts, of uncertainties, of ignorance, of dumbness, of shallowness, of denseness, of companionships, of intimacies, of burdens, of aggravations, of hurts, of fears, of stress, of physical health issues, of mental health issues.

Infidelity is a form of Cancer.

If dealt with early and correctly, surviving and thriving is possible. The fear of reoccurrence is always there though.

It can kill you slowly. In the form of rugsweeping or an unremorseful spouse. Sometimes years or decades of anguish and pain before it explodes and destroys you.

It can literally kill you overnight.

Most suffer in complete silence.

Infidelity is like being berated and judged by the person you love the most in the world, for failing at a competition where you are the only competitor who doesn’t know the rules. Without knowing you are in the competition.

Infidelity is like being berated and judged by the person you love the most in the world, for failing at a competition where you are the only competitor who doesn’t know the rules. Without knowing you are in the competition.

Wow! Powerful.

It’s like that scene in Field of Dreams where the guy sees the ball field, except it’s horrible and he almost wishes he hadn't.

The person I loved and trusted most in this world shot me in the face. Then, while I was bleeding out in front of him and begging for help, he told me to shut up. He told me to quit crying, because it was my fault he had to shoot me. He told me he didn't have time to call 911 because he was too busy being King Shit of Fuck Mountain. Then, while he was walking away, leaving me drowning in a pool of my own blood, he realized he had a little tiny papercut on one finger. And he came back over and kicked me in the face, because it was also my fault that he got a papercut.

For the first timers it is finding yourself in a deep, dark abyss of pain, sorrow, self-recrimination, pity and loathing.

If you're one of those "lucky" ones who experience it in a second marriage you can add embarrassment at falling into it YET again, shame at being duped YET again, lethargy from not wanting to go through the whole miserable divorce process YET again, constant going back over the events that put you in this deep, dark abyss YET again, talking with a counselor over and over and over and knowing it was not you but just not quite reaching the point of acceptance for years.

And, then, FINALLY hitting that point, finally saying ENOUGH, finally paying for the lawyer, finally telling her/him ENOUGH, this is happening, it's over, I don't care if it affects your credit, I don't care if it affects your profile, I don't care if you can't get a new car in 18 months, I care that you haven't seen your daughter but once since March, that you can't even fricking CALL her once a week, or stop by to say "hi," that you can't be bothered to see how that has affected this sweet, bright, teenager, changing her to a hardly ever smiling adolescent, how your older kids can't stand you and your idiotic, married boyfriend.

Standing at 6 and a half decades in, looking at what is going on, really can do a number on a person. Knowing that my kids can see through the BS, talk to me as THEIR ONLY PARENT, look up to me and support me, has given me the tools, the strength and power to get through this.

So, Infidelity is … just a bump in the road. This, too, will pass. The sun is about to rise.

A colonoscopy without anesthesia. And the camera is coated with Tabasco sauce.

Infidelity is like getting shot and the bullet is still inside.

The person I loved and trusted most in this world shot me in the face. Then, while I was bleeding out in front of him and begging for help, he told me to shut up. He told me to quit crying, because it was my fault he had to shoot me. He told me he didn't have time to call 911 because he was too busy being King Shit of Fuck Mountain. Then, while he was walking away, leaving me drowning in a pool of my own blood, he realized he had a little tiny papercut on one finger. And he came back over and kicked me in the face, because it was also my fault that he got a papercut.

This too matches my experience and he really did laugh at me while sobbing on the floor in the fetal position.

I'll let you know when I finish pulling the knives out of my back.