Dan,
Things have moved incredibly quickly in the space of 24 hours. It is likely that you have been running on pure adrenaline. You may not have slept. Please be careful with your health, because once the adrenaline switches off, you may suddenly feel exhausted.
Please make sure that you keep yourself hydrated, and if you cannot face eating a substantial meal, then try to eat a little something on a regular basis.
Do you have any friends nearby who can come and be with you? If possible, it would be good to have them come over, in case you need to go to bed and rest.
I think that you handled a challenging situation very well, but you now need to go into protective mode, on behalf of yourself and your daughters. Your health, and the well-being of your daughters, need to be your number one priority.
As far as the incident with the OM goes, I advise you to say absolutely nothing about it to anyone other than your lawyer/attorney. If that POS tries to press charges, then discuss it with your attorney, but otherwise, SAY NOTHING.
It does not matter who asks you, or how often they ask you, anything that you say can be recorded, anything that you text or message can be kept or screen-grabbed. I repeat: say nothing more about it to anyone other than your lawyer, and only discuss it with him/her if the POS tries to press charges.
As far as the POS pressing charges goes, I doubt that he will. Your wife is going to go into damage-limitation mode, and the last thing she will want is the POS doing anything that may provoke you into into broadcasting the affair to the wider world, or making a bad situation worse. So it will be in his interest to stay quiet.
At some point your wife is going to return to the house. As Bigger has said, you cannot throw someone out against their will, and much as you might want to, it is not in your interest or your daughters' interest for you to do something that might backfire on you. However, you can tell your wife you want her to stay at her sister's for the foreseeable future, and see if she is agreeable to that.
If you have trusted friends and family, it may be good to tell them what has happened, so that they can be there to support you. That can be very important, because you should not go through this alone. Coming to this forum was a good start, and there are many here who will do everything they can for you. However, having people there for you 'in real life' can be vital for you.
Also, it would be no bad thing to have a neutral third party at your house when your wife returns, to rule out any potential for any false claims about your behaviour to be made. That may sound a bit extreme, but some waywards have made false accusations against their betrayed spouses in an attempt to get some leverage over them.
The flipside of telling people is that if you are considering the possibility of reconciliation, the more people in your circle who know about the affair, the more awkward it may be to re-unite with your wife. Striking a balance between those who need to know, and the urge to tell everyone, is the best course of action at this point. At a later date, you can inform more people if you deem it necessary.
Please understand that you can take as long as you like to make a decision about your long-term plans. This may be a deal-breaker for you, or it may not. Whatever you decide must be what is right for you. Not what is right for anyone here; not what is right for people around you; not what is right for your wife. The only other people you need to factor in are your daughters.
Your brother-in-law may be a stand-up guy, and in his heart he may be entirely on your side, but he is married to your wife's sister, and her loyalties will be 100% with your wife, regardless of what she has done. So your BIL's loyalties are going to be divided. Be careful what you say to him, and think before you say it. Do not talk at length to him, because everything you say will be relayed to your wife.
Please be aware that the shock of what has happened will hit you at some point. The same is true of your daughters. We can all run on adrenaline or anger in the heat of the moment, but once that has gone, other emotions can kick in. That is another reason for having someone with you if that is possible.
If the POS French Canadian contacts you, do not respond. Keep evidence of all such communications if they occur, but bear in mind that he may want to provoke you into doing something that he can use against you (like issuing a threat that he can record and keep, or you going to his home, and lo and behold, he has a witness there). You have dealt with him once already, and that should be enough. If he starts being a dick, do nothing without talking to your lawyer.
Please be good to yourself and contact your physician if you find this affecting your well-being. You have handled a very difficult situation very well, but no man is a block of stone, and we should all make use of every possible support resource that we can. That is what they are there for.
Finally, I want to say that my heart goes out to you for what you are going through, and that all of us here are thinking of you, and we want the best for you.
Sending you strength, brother.
Edited to add:
People have spoken about preventing your wife's phone from shutting down and locking you out. Most phones can have more than one password/fingerprint that unlocks them, so you can add your own to it.
If the phone has location functionality on it, you may be able to use it to see where the phone (and your wife) has been.
Your wife asked you what had happened between you and her affair partner, so they have obviously been talking or she would not have known you had any contact with him.
This may be the last thing on your mind at the moment, but do not have any sexual contact with your wife until she has an STD test. I am sure she will say nothing happened between her and the POS, but nothing she says right now should be trusted, particularly where your health is concerned.
[This message edited by M1965 at 4:37 AM, December 15th (Saturday)]
