SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

:::bump:::

I don't remember who needed it, but here it is!

I loved you to the ends of the earth. I would have loved you forever.

Dear Jerkface,

This morning I was sad. I cried on the way to work. Again. I had to switch out the Queen CD ...again...because, well, it's just ruined. You ruined that, too. And As I was trying to plan a vacation, again, with our boys - or alone - I get overwhelmed with all kinds of triggers. 30 years is a lot of memory. A lot of triggers.

I would have been good for you. Forever. Our marriage, god, it was not great. Not now that I know what you value.

But why couldn't you have kept your real self hidden?? I was happy. I strived to make you happy.

I was a good wife. I was.

I was also the best friend you will ever have.

I hate that you are DS's father. You've never really set a good example but the past two years have been ridiculous. You're teaching him people don't matter but it only matters what they can do for you. You're teaching him it's okay to be cruel and talk badly about people. It's pathetic that you likely still love the state of your life since you're living somewhere rent-free, chore-free, and you have your sister-in-law cook for you every night. You're pathetic and our son is already starting to realize it. I hope I can counter any negative things DS learns from you by teaching him right.

[This message edited by lilies21 at 11:51 AM, March 2nd (Wednesday)]

I've looking forward to today for weeks.

You're away for work.

I have the whole day to myself!!

I wish that I didn't feel so poorly.

I hate what you did to me. Now I am middle aged, in bad health, trying to buy a house, trying to go on with my life all alone. I don't even really have any desire for a serious relationship with another man. You ruined that too. You knew what my 1st husband did and your wife did the same to you. Why did you feel the need to hurt me so much by doing it to me. I was always good to you. I let you have your freedom, never questioned your integrity or honesty, trusted you more than you can imagine. I was your best friend and I was happy. You knew how happy I was with you. I never got mad and screamed at you. I paid my half of the bills, even when I was ill. I washed your dirty clothes, cooked your food, did all the shopping, did all the garden work and canned the food, cleaned the house, and still helped with the yard work and cattle , on top of my full time job.

You went to work, did whatever you liked, complained daily about your job, bitched every time you had to pay 1/2 a bill, sat in front of the TV and drank nightly until drunk while flipping the channel every time a commercial came on, and acted like you deserved a metal for mowing the grass or feeding the cows with your new tractor toy that I paid 1/2 of. Now I think about it you were just plain lazy in the end. You quit caring about anything or anyone but yourself. I am sure you always had that trait, but I loved you too much to see it. You knew how to love bomb me and keep me hanging on until you finally snapped. You knew how to lie and manipulate everyone around you. Then when people finally seen you for what you were, you ran like a sniveling coward to OW, rinse, repeat. I'm sure it's coming. I hope in the end you die a lonely old man with a baby dill pickle dick that doesn't work no matter how much porn you watch or how much you jack off. You make me sick every time you even cross my mind.

Two years ago, at this time, she was in our life. I just didn't know it yet.

I miss you, I miss us...STILL. Even after everything you did to me, I miss you and I don't understand how you don't miss me, miss us.

Almost 17 years of memories - people we knew and loved and hung out with, concerts we went to, days we spent in Boston or the coast, hard times we went through TOGETHER, plans we made for the future.

Do you ever think back, do you ever mourn the loss?

Or is your drinking buddy enough for you? Do you *honestly* think she's good for you? Or is she all you think you are worthy of?

I wish I could put you completely out of my mind, like you have done to me.

Duplicate post

[This message edited by DeeplyCrushed at 6:23 AM, March 9th (Wednesday)]

I just wanted to thank you.

I sent a settlement offer in Nov. You ignored until 2 weeks before mandatory settlement conference. The same day I learned I'd be moving away, soon , and unexpectedly.

Then you asked for another offer, because I won't stop asking for alimony. I'm not going to stop asking. I was a SAH for 27 years, I NEED it.

When are YOU ever going to put any effort into this divorce that YOU wanted?

Why couldn't you and your lawyer show up to the MSC on time, ready to work on meeting in the middle?

I was there 3 hours before you walked in...your dipshit lawyer took another half hour after that. WTF was he doing dealing with another court case, in another county, on MY time?! I got up at 4 am and drove 2 hours to get there. I was on time. You drive 20 min. & are late several hours?! Total bullshit. So, now i have to go back THIS week. And poor you, you're so put out. Whining to the pro tems that YOU have a long commute. That bugs you so bad? Then why insist on keeping the house that's a 3 hour commute to your job, each way? I know, because I have to pay my own rent AND half of the mortgage for you to screw for OW in a house I'm locked out of. Haven't set foot in, in a year.

You always get your way. You're insisting on it again. I'm not bending. I bent on EVERYTHING else (taking much less property, cars, waiting for my buy out & taking almost 2x the debt), but I need alimony. A DECENT amount. I need to train or go to a career school, so I can get REAL work.

You say you're going to force trial because of alimony, because you need to live TOO. Look at the numbers. You'll have $500 more a month to live off than me...that's AFTER the mortgage pmt. is made.

MORE than Half of my alimony will go to my shared rent. That leaves me a couple hosted to live off and pay bills. You say the kids don't count as roomates. That I don't have REAL roommates, so you shouldn't have to share an apartment/the house with one, to lower your costs of living.

I have rent and bills & a lease , just like anywhere I'd live. I'm also offering taking most of our debt. Conveniently it was most in my name. Notice how all the cars, motorcycle, boat, and everything good were in your name. ..but the bills were in mine? I didn't, before.

Too bad we live in a community property state. That kinda backfired on you.

Anyway, I leave a week from today. My new life, in a new state awaits. It was supposed to anyway.

If you insist on trial I may not be able to go on time. DS made the mistake of telling you we planned a day at Grand Canyon for his birthday, wanted to see the sights during our move.

So you're going to pay me back by scheduling trial so that I can't go with the kids.

Wait until all my belongings are on the moving truck, my car has been shipped away. Force DS to make a 4 day drive alone, with his social anxiety/agoraphobic sister and 3 huge dogs. Nice work, that is just GREAT.

Hope you feel good about yourself.

You want everything to be your way. No pain, all gain. Well, i tried to settle &you've spread hate and TOTAL lies. You've vilified me falsely for so long, you actually believe your own delusional self.

I can't wait to put you and your bullshit in the rearview.

Oh, and stop calling your son, bitching about me, and telling him to tell me to stop asking for alimony.

Like he told you last night. ..he DOESN'T want to be a part of it, he has enough going on!

So you sent me a text on Sunday ranting about how when you went to play tennis at XXs, his wife said that she discussed with me my move home and that I had said that it was for a variety of reasons including your relationship with the children wasn't very good. You ranted in your text to me that I should stop saying that your relationship wasn't good and that I was further separating you from the children.

For fuck's sake, you've done that all by yourself. Trying to avoid contact with you I called Mrs. XX and she said that she had a brief conversation with you on Sunday because you were too late to play tennis with her husband and they were heading to London for the night. She said that she did repeat that I had said that the relationship between him and the children wasn't very good, but that was simply stating a fact. Which it bloody well is.

SO LIKE EVERYTHING BEFORE, YOU ARE A FUCKING LIAR, YOU CAN'T EVEN STOP LYING ABOUT THE STUPID LITTLE STUFF--do you think I give a flying fuck whether you actually played tennis or not?? No. But the lying... What do you get from that??

liar liar pants on fire.

*******************************************

I feel so much better. Thanks for bumping.

liar liar pants on fire.

...... is the common theme here!

I wonder how many WS's "ear-wires" are burning - thousands of unmitigated b*stards hopefully!

I can't post what I actually want to say to Asshat because it could be considered premeditation .

Well I enjoyed my afternoon without you, had cuppa tea and chat with my best 2gfs.

So where are you POS?

Oh you spent the day getting pissed up, and have missed the last train home.

Whatever did I expect? you utter, utter, completely, totally, pathetic shit-bipolar-alcoholic waste of space.

O ho ho, you've already explained to me the cheaters handbook chapter 4......

Better to apologise than ask permission.

Did you get so drunk that you forgot that you'd already told me this and have given the game away?

You are soooooooo beneath my contempt.

Hey, dipshit...

We are not a team anymore. Stop asking me to do things for you. Stop looking to me for emotional support. You made your choice, and were shocked when I made mine.

You're right. I don't care about your feelings. So why keep sharing them with me?

"I don't care what you say anymore, this is my life. Go ahead, lead your own life - leave me alone." -Billy Joel

[This message edited by ChangeMaker at 8:52 AM, March 10th (Thursday)]

I'm not an "option". If you want options, go to subway. I WAS your wife. I was the one that stood by you for 17 years, loved you and supported you. I built an amazing life with you only to have you toss it in the gutter. Skank may be ok being an option but I am not. Actually i'm she has no idea that you would even consider her an option. You lie to her almost as much as you lie to me.

Does she know how you tell me on an almost daily basis that I look good? Thanks for helping me lose 35lbs in the worst way humanly possible.

does she know you call me multiple times a day cause you are afraid to text me, lest she see it?

your mother is my friend and if she wants to buy my birthday presents, that is not for you to decide. You lost the right to control your universe when you started the affair. I hope she buys me some nice stuff to make up for the fact that I got shit from you for Christmas.

You are right, my friends are planning to do something for me for my birthday. Hope you enjoyed speniding yours with the skank last year cause that's probably the only person that will want to spend it with you this year too.

Thanks again last night for reminding me why we need to get divorced. Your selfish ways were always there but this affair has definitely made them 10 times more apparent. You truly are the victim here. I am goning to come out of this with my self-respect, house, kids, friends, family, and a rockin new body, while for the time being (assuming you haven't broken up yet again) you only have the skank. She must be one hell of a woman!

I want so badly to text/call you right now to tell you this is all a mistake!! I don't want to get a divorce and lose my family. We were supposed to grow old together. We had the relationship people wished they had. We were the couple people knew were going to make it. We had everything we could have wanted and then some. I know you know this is wrong... You told me you were going to regret it and that you know it's a mistake...yet you're just letting it happen. YOUR JUST LETTING THIS HAPPEN. Why won't you fix it? Why can't you see this is really happening? You just turn your head and chose to ignore it. You just gave up and left me to handle all the dirty work. You. Gave. Up.

Dear Asshat deadbeat dad,

How dare you treat our children like they are an inconvenience because you have run off with that slapper, homewrecking bitch.

I cannot believe that you have not even bothered to find out how your little boy is after you knew he has been very ill. LOSER.

HOW can you go from seeing them everyday and being a part of their lives to barely seeing them at all? How can you just throw away almost 20 years for someone that also has NO morals, that also LIES and CHEATS.

I HATE that you have hurt my boys and me. I really hope that one day karma will get both of you. I wish you a relationship of unhappiness and hope that you both cheat on each other.

I WILL come out the other side of this, I WILL be much better without you. I will make sure my boys and I will be happy.

YOU ARE A SELFISH, NASTY, CRUEL, LYING POS!!!!

Yes. I was nice and polite to you at our child's IEP meeting. I can be civil to any stranger on the street, and that meeting was for our child, not our issues. That does not mean that I like you or forgive you.

I am paying my lawyer good money to handle "our issues", as you will soon discover...

I have learned never to tip my hand to the enemy.

To the biggest mistake of my life -

I know that it's easier for you to picture me in a "pit of rage" (your words) because you can justify almost any cruelty then. But the truth is most days I am somewhat saddened at the situation but yet feel free, safe, content, at peace, grateful and contemplative. I see this as a chance to start over, a chance to learn from mistakes I have made. The only real anger I'm struggling with is anger towards myself for ignoring so many red flags, justifying all your lies for you and believing you when my instinct, history and even other people all told me not to. I stood up for you, believed in you and always thought the best and I'm angry at myself for being so naïve. I'm not angry at you - in fact, I feel pity towards you. I believe you're a very lost person who may never be capable of being happy. Throughout our entire marriage all I ever heard about was what you wanted to change - a new job, a different car, a different apartment, a new house, change rental properties, a new trip...everything. I don't know why I thought I was immune to this inability to be content. A new wife was the obvious next thing on the list. You'd been looking for years while I so naively just wrote it off as 'he's a social butterfly, I can't be paranoid'.

When I see your name in an email line or your number on my phone my stomach instantly drops - I feel physically ill. You bring nothing but bad news constantly and it's for this reason I want nothing more than to just be done with it. I think about how you've manipulated me for years - before dday it was to keep me complacent while you flirted with so many women and made me feel crazy and paranoid. After dday you said all the right things, claimed to love and care for me. I wanted so badly to believe you that I was willing to sacrifice my deal breaker and self respect to consider staying with a lying cheater. But when I realized to what extent you'd go to cover your own lies - even scheduling your own polygraph to hide that you called her after the NC letter - it still makes me sick to think about. That you could sit there, telling me you were a changed man, while still hiding so much of the truth. You lie so much I believe that you've even tricked yourself. You really believe you're a good guy and you're so hell bent on making sure other people do too that you put every ounce of energy into making sure that the perception lives on. But you never actually see the reality - much less do the extremely difficult work to change the reality. It's easier to lie to yourself, the counselors, your family, me.

The truth is you have a lot more anger towards me than I do towards you. You're angry because I'm someone who can finally see through your lies. I'm someone who is the opposite mirror of OW - you'd look at OW and see a courageous, successful man with a beautiful penis who was down on his luck in a bad marriage. She made you feel like you were the best thing since sliced bread. But you look at me and realize how fake that is. I'm a reminder of your selfishness, your cowardice, your failures, deception, cheating and manipulation. That's why you're so angry at me. And instead of facing it or changing, it's easier to just believe I'm the pit of rage. You were always one to take the easy way out.

7 months into separation I've realized I'm happier without you. I've realized we were always a bad match and I think you knew that before I was willing to admit it. But instead of having the balls to tell me, you took the easy way out. Now I'm doing the hard part. And while you're busy still trying to make me feel guilty about hiring a lawyer to protect me against someone I have zero trust for, publishing a book years ago in which I praised you constantly, or using impoverished kids whom you know I care deeply about as pawns, I'm moving on. I am not over you, not by a long shot. But I will be. And if I have to pay you every cent I have to do it, so be it. You were always money-hungry, I knew that from the beginning. Never once during the years I supported you through college, through countless business attempts, financing your rentals - never once you did even so much as say thank you. You used to call the money I made 'ours' and the money you made 'yours'. You never complained about my financial success but you were never grateful. Instead you guilt tripped the hell out of me, told the OW and anyone who would listen that I was a workaholic, then claimed to my face that you never spoke ill of me. You can't even identify your own lies. Money can be re-earned. Trust and respect can be earned. But instead of ever attempting to earn anything, you took the easy way out. So I'm not surprised, and not even angry, that you're asking for so much in the divorce. As a guy who claimed infidelity should be a crime, I'm sure you only meant if it didn't apply to you. But I'm walking away with my head held high. I was not, and am not perfect. You made that abundantly clear for years and take every opportunity to continue to do so. I was not a perfect wife and thanks to you I have lost all desire to ever be a a wife again. But as a person, I am reading books and taking classes on self-awareness so I can improve myself. But I still have self respect, I'm still proud of me and I have my ethics and integrity behind me. This experience has opened my eyes to what support actually is and I am so grateful for so much. I pity you because I know I can't help you and you're unwilling to help yourself. On those nights when I still cry myself to sleep or wake up mid-panic attack - those are the days I really think about you. And those are the nights I am grateful I'm out. Those feelings will pass, I will recover. I will be scarred for life by you and I will never forgive you for that. But I will be ok and I'm slowly realizing you never will be. That's sad as hell but out of my control. I always wanted to believe the best in you but I no longer can.

- your can't-wait-to-be ex-wife

[This message edited by rosie437 at 7:59 PM, March 26th (Saturday)]

((Rosie))