SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Can the rain stop at some time?

No, hence my name.

But, I'm seeing the glimmer of hope. Maybe briefly? I have to hope it will.

It is hard to juggle everything when your life is spinning out of control, and you are doing the best you can. The emotional upheaval of this kind of betrayal plows into everything else in our lives and it can feel like all it is doing is pouring. It will get better, but like every kind of grief it takes time. Hang in there.

I can relate-my mom was slipping badly when D day hit. An AWFUL lot on your plate. I felt like I was having Chinese water torture sometimes-only it was worries and not water dripping onto my head.

My mom had to have an accident before she was willing to give up the car. (Luckily a very minor one). I lived 1000 miles away at the time and a year later she was in my care. The night wanderings made me nuts so I had to put her in assisted living. She progressed to a nursing home over 7 years. Has been there almost two.

Is your mom on Alzheimer meds? Because the evidence is that they really do slow down the process. My mom's been on them for nine years, although she is really bad now (she's 84). I think they helped.

I hope your brother and any other siblings can help you, especially now. It's weird how often it's just that ONE kid who takes up all the slack for Mom or Dad.

TCMM,

I been glued to your posts since your first post in JFO. I don't have much advice to say except, don't change a thing in the way you have been handling yourself and your family. I am literally in awe of your strength, real or perceived in what you have been faced with in a relatively short time. My D-day came when my father was at his worst health and I thought he only had weeks left. I really thought I was going to crack, and I am as level headed as anyone I know.

But the strength I get from reading other's posts, especially yours, tells my common sense that if you can push forward each day, than so can the other BSs. Enough patronizing for now; I don't want this to sound mushy. I'm just stating that you rock, and I'm sure almost EVERYONE else on this thread agrees.

I just wanted to say, keep up the good work!

I'm very sorry about your mom. It's very difficult to deal with all this at once.

[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:32 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]

TCMM,

It's not that your wife doesn't care about you, but it's easier to rationalize her own immoral behavior by believing that you are capable of the same.

I'm very sorry about your mom, have you considered having the Commission on Aging come in and check on her once a week? My mom is 80 and they are so wonderful to her as well as give me great peace of mind.

Wow. She really is priceless.

My guess is she wants to manipulate a response from you. Give her nothing. Don't even bring it up because any response validates her insane thinking.

TCMM, you are doing really well in this mess. I agree w/ Chunk on this one, but would like to go one further and say that you should password protect everything. Your phone, computer, work computer. She's digging for something so she can say she wasn't the only one, therefore he's just as bad as me. This is potentially a problem. Talk w/ your friend, gain the support, delete the communications, for now anyway. I'm paranoid, but I'd even run a check for a keylogger on the computer, and maybe "upgrade" my phone.

Sorry to hear about mom, please check w/ the division of aging, support services for alzhiemers patients. There are a ton of resources available. Use them.

And one final thought....hang in there... There is a light @ the end of this tunnel.

She is looking for dirt on you. She texted this woman and thinks it will implicate you on an inappropriate relationship. She took your chip to see if she can find some bad photos. Seems to be pretty common for WS's to automatically assume that if they are cheating their BS must be also.

And if she is trying to get a D from you she is trying to dig up something. You seem to be handling things well tho...but be ever watchful as the stories from other BS's on here of what their WS's will do is really terrible. Just when you think you know what they will or won't do they surprise us once again.

I agree. She is trying to find dirt to bring you down in court. Password protect everything, including your phone. Even if everything is innocent, a good lawyer can spin almost anything. Don't even give her a speck. I also wouldn't mention anything about the call just because I know it will drive her apeshit with curiosity and jealousy.

She is looking for dirt for sure. You have also peaked her interest, the minute she thinks someone is interested in you she goes into fight mode. Should be interesting, cheaters are the most jealous people on the planet.

Classic blameshifting. And "dog in the manger" behavior. And of course, she wants to "accuse" you of something. expect her to threaten to "sue" you again for having a cell phone.

Let it go. What she did is not worthy of even acknowledgment.

I am sorry about your mother. My grandmother had Alzeimers and lived with us when I was a teenager. It was devastating to watch her deteriorate. Even so, I was distanced from it because I was not her caretaker and was living my own teenage life. I am glad you have family nearby to that you can share this with. Cherish every moment now, because one day you may visit her and she may think you are a stranger

TCMM, I have to echo everyone here and congratulate you on the stirling job you are doing with your children whilst dealing with a WW who is so deep in the fog it is scary.

You have proved time and time again that your girls are your priority and your stepson and that you will be there for them all, whatever happens and that you are the only one there for them at the moment.

I also agree with regards to your WW phoning your friend that she is looking for any dirt so she can turn this D around on you and try and put Adultery in your hands, be careful.

Take comfort from all the support you get here, we all admire your strength and how you are handling yourself through this madness.

In years to come your children will remember who was there for them when things were rough for a while and that will be something your WW will never ever be able to take away from them or you and she will have to live with the knowledge that she has let them down and is continuing to do so on a daily basis, again, something they will remember in years to come.

Keep posting and stay strong. Hoping your Mother is doing well in the circumstances and praying for you all.

Big hugs

I'm not surprised to hear that she's looking through your stuff and suddenly playing the suspicious spouse role. I don't understand what goes through their heads, but we've definitely seen this pattern before.

Just imagining her calling up your friend with any degree of outrage over your communication is comical and sad at the same time. But when she shakes that emotion off, she'll be interested to personally validate her own behavior ("see, we're both doing it, I'm not the bad guy, we've obviously just 'grown apart'!"), and then she will probably also funnel any evidence, vague suspicion or even fabricated emotional reaction to her attorney in your divorce.

Don't say anything to her about it, just keep doing what you're doing - being there for your children, taking care of yourself, trying to get through this with as much dignity and grace as possible. Keep your chin up. I'm sorry about your mother- no one needs or deserves that many life challenges on their plate at once, but sometimes they coincide and all we can do is get through them.

She took the card out of your phone? That's desperate.

I'd upgrade the phone, password protect everything six ways to Sunday, and assume that she is going to use anything she can find as evidence.

Maybe buy a pay as you go and treat it as a secret cell so your conversations don't show up on your own. Works for the cheaters, why not use their tactic?

Sheesh. She's a piece of work.

Sorry to hear about your mom. Aging can be a cruel joke for a lot of folks.

[This message edited by FaithFool at 8:17 AM, July 27th (Tuesday)]

I think that she might be jealous and wondering what you are up to. Or, she could be looking for dirt, but I go with door #1 here.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think she's ready to give up the OM and work on the M, it's more like I don't want him, but I don't want anyone else to have him either (when it comes to you).

I know that doesn't sound rational, but she is far from rational at this point.

she is looking for any dirt so she can turn this D around on you and try and put Adultery in your hands, be careful.

I agree. Although she's still in the fog emotionally, I think the lack of ready access to money is starting to bring her back to reality in other areas. Maybe she's taken advice from someone who knows how divorces play out and is planning her defense. I agree that you should be VERY careful from now on and not give her an inch with which to defend herself. The "war" is beginning.

Of course, the dog-in-the-manger thing may well play a role, too. She may wonder why you are apparently so calm about everything and why you now seem impervious to her "charms". We all like to think we hold first place......

My ex pulled the same crap on me... It was basically so she could rationalize what she was doing and also the "I don't want you but I don't want anyone else having you".....

Get ready for verbal attacks from her... She about to make more of a fool of herself than she already has....

WB

Just wondering how things are going, both with YSTBXW and your mother?