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SerJR ( member #14993) posted at 2:28 PM on Friday, May 23rd, 2008
Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.
knucklehead ( member #2041) posted at 1:41 PM on Wednesday, May 28th, 2008
Bumping because it is incredibly important....
"The argument that one doesn't have to take responsibility for what comes out of ones mouth because one has gone through something is bullshit." My good friend Archy. Archy for Prez!
Shotthrutheheart ( member #17312) posted at 9:00 PM on Wednesday, May 28th, 2008
Excellent post Katherine!
I wish I would have read something like this six months ago. But it can still be applied.
Some WS's act real sorry in brief spurts. Or they get a dose of de-fogging (usually by an outside source) and promise everything. For a few days. Or sometimes even a week or two.
My husband did exactly this by de-fogging all due to an outside source. He actually came and told me that I had his friend to thank for saving our marriage. Can you believe that?? This friend helped him see just how he was treating me after I found out about the A. Its amazing how Ws's say and do the same things! I am floored!
Me BS: 42
Him WH: 37 (two ONS with same woman)
D-Day: 11/29/07
Married 8 years (second for both) together 9.
1 daughter 5 yrs old
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
http://shotthrutheheart.wordpress.com
bigheart9 ( member #19567) posted at 3:18 PM on Thursday, May 29th, 2008
Thank you so much for this post. It was so well written!
I guess I would be considered a "newbie"...two weeks out from DDay...and your post has been reassuring for me. My WH was quickly and has been consistently remorseful. I have hope.
still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 11:22 PM on Tuesday, June 3rd, 2008
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
dietdew ( new member #19303) posted at 4:47 AM on Wednesday, June 4th, 2008
What a terrific post! Great advice to actually regain some control of our (BS's) lives. And VERY practical, 'do-able' things. Thanks for breaking down so nicely, too. Sometimes baby-steps are all we can take.
dietdew ( new member #19303) posted at 4:48 AM on Wednesday, June 4th, 2008
What a terrific post! Great advice to actually regain some control of our (BS's) lives. And VERY practical, 'do-able' things. Thanks for breaking down so nicely, too. Sometimes baby-steps are all we can take.
ohgodwhatnow ( member #18707) posted at 5:56 AM on Wednesday, June 4th, 2008
That's some great stuff and makes me proud to be divorcing. He just wouldn't pass the test laid out here.
Maybe this needs to be in the library or a sticky or on the coffee table in lawyers' waiting rooms!
Karma bus driver for hire
TICKED OFF ( member #8291) posted at 5:58 AM on Wednesday, June 4th, 2008
I wish I had found this site right after I found out about his a. I would have done things much differently at that point.
EyesOpened ( member #19777) posted at 8:06 PM on Thursday, June 5th, 2008
Great Post...Wish I could have done it just like that.
An angel is someone you feel like you've known forever
even though you've just met.
brokenvows ( member #7930) posted at 8:35 PM on Thursday, June 5th, 2008
Had I known this far out how much I would still be struggling I would have left him. I would have asked for a written account of every dishonest thing he ever did in our marriage and required IC before I would even have considered trying to reconcile. Staying married to a liar, no matter how changed they are, is probably one of the worst decisions I ever made. I wish it hadn't taken me so long to realize that I will never know the truth and how that would impact me because I truly believe that I should have left four years ago. Maybe if he had felt the impact of the loss of his family right away he would have come completely clean.........
BW - 40ish
WH - 40ish
DDay#1 - November 20, 2003 (found evidence, but no admission)
DDay#2 - April 19, 2004 (admitted)
Married 16 years
2 school age kids
s.squirrel ( member #14742) posted at 1:29 PM on Sunday, June 8th, 2008
Just a bump to one of the best posts ever. Back to Page 1.
Me BS 44
Him WS 45
sons :17, 16
daughter: 13
dday1: 6/1996..separated 1.5yr, then reconciled 1/1998
dday2: 5/7/2007
Separated at last!~10/31/2008
heading -->divorce
But he lost his job in April..so pending, pending, pending.
cjonesjag ( member #10617) posted at 3:35 AM on Monday, June 9th, 2008
Me (BS):50
Him(WTFH):51 Married: 05/26/2002
DD#1: 09/2005 (EA) DD#2: 09/2006
Mini-DDays: Many. Mostly online
DIVORCED 10/20/10
It's not what you've got, it's what you give.
It ain't the life you choose, it's the life you live
wonderingbull ( member #14833) posted at 5:01 PM on Monday, June 9th, 2008
The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...
James Taylor
Mantis ( member #5363) posted at 7:01 PM on Tuesday, June 10th, 2008
Deeply Scared ( Administrator #2) posted at 7:04 PM on Tuesday, June 10th, 2008
This is on the list to be added to the Healing Library 
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
Lucky ( member #6864) posted at 7:08 PM on Tuesday, June 10th, 2008
♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥
still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 2:38 AM on Wednesday, June 11th, 2008
Bump.
And way to go, mods. 
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
Clangirl ( member #19433) posted at 8:42 PM on Wednesday, June 11th, 2008
Wish I`d known about SI a whole LOT sooner.
Wish I`d never accepted him back without a his apology in writing and a commitment from him also in writing to do a set amount of things to make our marriage a wonderful place-eg go to counselling, take me out on dates, have good times together
Wish I`d known all about 180.
Wish I hadn`t married him in the first place-too much pain here now.
Clangirl
brknluv ( new member #19841) posted at 11:11 PM on Wednesday, June 11th, 2008
Very glad i found SI, just when i thought i was losing all hope that things will get better. 20/20 Hindsight is giving me strength to move forward. 
"Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering."
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