SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Very wise ..only 5 mos out will take to heart..

This should be read by every betrayed spouse. Spot. I

.

It's amazingly helpful for me, a newby, to be able to read this.

Thanks!

Bumping for a good cause.

I wish I'd turned to God sooner. I also wish I'd realized that sex addicts are a different breed of cheater. There is no "other woman" for me. The other woman was porn, chatting, and eventually sex with strangers. So "no contact" means no going online, no nudity in movies, etc... Wish I'd agreed to inpatient treatment earlier, regardless of the expense. Total disclosure to me came in the presence of professionals who helped him write and rewrite everything in a timeline without excuses, including the exact cost his behavior had on his finances, marriage, kids, career, etc. Wish I'd been able to get that earlier, I would have realized that it didn't matter what I did, because I didn't cause it, and more importantly, I couldn't control it. I wouldn't have been lulled by the fact that he was a very spiritual and giving person in the other compartments of his life because I finally understood that his addiction came before everything, even God. I just found out that any lapses on his inner circle list resets the sobriety clock. Wish I'd known that much earlier. Would've saved time and money checking up on him since he still tracks his sobriety date daily in different places.

AI

bumping for newbies

Bumping...

I was fortunate enough to read this very early on...after I had found out, and before I confronted WH with any suspicions....READ IT, and DO IT!

Bump^

Bumping for new members.

I wish I hadn't gotten married at all.

bump

Oh, how I wish I had known these things 5 years ago. The biggest mistake I have made was confonting to early without enough evidence. I did this over and over. Every bit of evidence I found I confronted h about. So now five years later he still denies having a pa and I sit here and wonder what the truth is. Every day I think about the information I could have collected if I had just kept my mouth shut and observed.

bumping for newbies

again - bump for newbies...

I think this stuff is SOOOOO good for those just coming to JFO...

If you are a newbie and read the top post, then skipped to the bottom, you will wish to read the middle as well.

Lots of posters back up Katherine.

The advice is good for those who want to reconcile. Setting boundaries early shortens affairs and starts process of true reconciliation earlier than if an affair drags out.

The truth is that a WS in an affair won't be able to stop until he or she "plays chicken" and is about to drive off the cliff and lose everything. So head the WS toward that cliff early, by setting one's boundaries, before the WS does so much damage to the marriage with more lies and extending an affair that eventually, a BS can't forgive and divorce is inevitable even should the affair end.

A desperate BS wanting to save a marraige can't imagine being the one who will pull the trigger on the marriage. But two years of lies, damage, being blamed, hurtful and cruel things said to a BS while a WS is in an affair will kill the marriage quicker than the fact that a WS had an affair. Even if the WS is now remorseful and sorry for damage done.

[This message edited by suspiciousmind at 9:37 AM, April 13th (Sunday)]

AMEN suspiciousmind

sorry - double post

[This message edited by Balancing Act at 6:59 PM, April 13th (Sunday)]

bump

bumping for soccermom

bumping!