SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Why does your selfishness still affect me. I am trying to buy a house and due to income vs debt ratio it is costing me with every delay from the mortgage company and underwriters. You might say this has nothing to do with you because I am the one buying it. Well guess what dumbass I had a house/farm/land when I married you already. It wasn't good enough for you so we built a new house. Now I have lost them all because of you with nothing to show for it. You didn't care if I had to live in the gutter as long as you got your so-called entitled 1/2 of the pie. Guess it surprised you to learn that I could barely pay it off and pay the realtor. A damn realtor is the only one that profited from my 18yrs of hard labor. When I heard you lived with your parents, I should have haled ass, Of course your first wife made you so broke, you didn't have a choice but to live with Mommy and Daddy until you got back on your feet.

Now I think of it you were a big spender when we first started dating. I guess you could go out and live it up since you had no mortgage and no bills other than a truck payment and Mommy dearest co-signed for that. Then after a year you came to live with me, but were contributing very little toward the bills.

I see so much of how you used me all those years. Now I am disabled, trying to buy a house because renting is too expensive in the long term when I should be at my custom built home in the country. I should be playing in my garden, petting the cows, and enjoying what time I have left. I shouldn't be in an apartment, throwing my money away. I shouldn't be made to feel like scum when trying to get someone to finance my loan on a disabled income. I shouldn't be having to pay thousands in closing costs, down payments, appraisals, structural engineers, inspectors, electrical engineers, paying off student loans out of my savings, getting money from my IRA, etc... It is ALL your fault that my nerves are shot over this and I don't know if I spent $$ that I will need. I still don't have a final closing date and could lose the house because the seller is tired of all the delays from the lender.

My only revenge is knowing that you are stuck in a tiny apartment with OW as your soul company. That you couldn't buy a house by yourself because you wouldn't be able to even get the paper work you need. I am sure with OW being a minimum wage job kind of catch that you will live in an apartment from now on. You probably like it, Nothing to come home and do. Just come home, kick back on OW's furniture, watch TV , get drunk, then try to get it up. Hey...that's basically what you had at our house, except for feeding a bale of hay in the winter once a week, and mowing grass with the lawn mower that practically run itself. Everything else was left for me to do.

So you live with the worthless whore. I hope the life you have now continues to go down hill. Maybe you will drive by my new place and tell yourself how stupid you were to just throw it all away. No, I won't be living in a box under a bridge or in a tiny apartment. I ran my life before I met you and had a lot to show for my hard work and I can do it again. I am a survivor and you can no longer control my life. So F#$k off you sorry POS. I have a new and improved life without you and your selfish NPD ways.

Dear Shithead,

You are the lowest form of scum and I would rather I never had to look at you ever again. How you can keep on hurting our children is beyond me. I hope you and your herpes riddled whore rot in hell.

PS. using my business email address to sign up for pornography sites is so pathetic. Get a grip of yourself you POS!

Dear You,

I will not play the puck me game. I just wish I could stop thinking about you, and I know I will. I wonder if you think of me at all? I wonder if you miss me as much as I miss you. I hate that my mind is so consumed by you, and I would do anything to evacuate you from my head. I wonder if you are ever going to stop running and work out what it is you want. At the moment it's no strings, to anyone or anything. I wish you luck.

Today we have been married 11 months.

You don't care.

You said you were moving out to clear your head but I think you broke up with me 100%.

Im sorry youre too afraid to love anyone.

This sucks but at least I won't be married to a robot anymore.

Today is the hardest day of the year for me.

My mother doesnt love me and now my husband has abandoned me.

I can't even begin to express how much this hurts. I wonder if youre thinking about me but I think you just worry because you feel guilty. I don't think you actually miss me.....i wish you did.

I can't do this no contact thing anymore. It hurts too much that after 24/7 together for years you don't miss me at all. I keep holding onto hope but I dont know how to move on.

You changed your cover photo on facebook last night. You haven't been active on facebook since we stopped talking. Seeing that you cared about hockey and not me gave me literal heart palpitations.

I really need to go shopping today but I don't know if I can. I guess I can only try my best.

Wy did you ruin our life? I lost everything before it even started. Seeing our niece today with your mom and sister on facebook broke my heart. I can't believe I have to start my life over and I may not get to have children. A family is all I ever wanted and you took that from me.

I wish I knew what was going on with you....

Trying to move on and make myself live without you is hard. I think about you so many times a day, and the amazing things we did. It hurts that I was nothing to you, and that you don't miss me. It hurts that you don't think about me at all. It hurts that you don't want me when I want you so badly. Nothing compares to what it was like having you in my life.

Really? 12 unanswered texts in 2 weeks from me is all it takes for you to give up on your daughter? Wow some prize I picked!!! I hate you and everything about you. You are a greedy, selfish, childish asshole who left your family so you can "be free and have sex whenever you want" Well good for you because you were never good a it and now you are her problem to deal with. Karma will get you both selfish POS, this is not the first family she has torn apart disgusting she is just looking for someone to make her number 1? This is not the first child you've left behind. What about your daughter? Why not make her your number 1? You don't want to give me money to support our daughter because she should be free? Yet you buy your hoe expensive ass gifts again karma asshole just wait til you find out I filed child support on you lets see if you still are able to buy her those expensive gifts. Got a promotion? Nice my daughter will be doing really good living off that. You had the nerve to tell me not to file for child support because there's no way you could survive if I did that well lets see how that goes. Struggle how we have been these past few months. Have all the fun you want because it wont last long once you find out I've filed. I will never understand how you can do what you do and go on to be happy. Do you ever think of our child? Do you think of when you would read her book before bed every night? Do you think of how happy she had been when she would see you? I hope you do and regret it one day how much you have missed in 3 months you can never get back she is the most precious little girl and I thank God for her everyday too bad you're too disgusting and selfish to see it. You cry for her everyday she said? That's funny because you never even paid any attention to her the 3 1/2 years you lived with her. You are just trying to save face with your friends and that hoe. Answer me this what is her favorite book? what's her favorite color? what's her favorite song? Tried to make me seem like I was the problem when the whole time it was you! You weren't even man enough to break up with me face to face you just left and did it through a text how pathetic. I had to continuously ask you over and over in order for you to admit you were cheating....why? Did you think that I would stay waiting for you? Did you think once you seen that the grass isn't always greener on the other side that you could just come back? Maybe in the beginning I would have but not now. I forgive you but I hate you please get out of my mind so I can go on and live happily ever after with MY daughter. I now know what we are worth and what we deserve and its not you. Someone someday will come along and do the job you were too weak to handle and you will see us and you will want us back again but we will be too far gone and happy to even think of you. F you and F your hoe because I know she knew about us!!!!!

WH,

For 9 weeks, I haven’t communicated with you about anything except logistics. Do you realize that I’ve never gone 9 weeks without talking to you since I met you? But, there are some things that I need you to know.

I don’t feel good about our divorce today. I consented to this divorce, but I didn’t want it, and I don’t want it. I never wanted it. You forced it upon me. A little voice in my head today told me to say “yes!” when the magistrate asked if I’d been coerced into filing for divorce. Lucky thing, my desire for self-preservation was stronger than my desire to out you before a court of law. That brings me to one of my purposes in writing this. I feel very strongly that I need you to know this: I filed for divorce on grounds of mutual consent because it was the quickest means to an end, and I’m leaving Maryland. I filed on grounds of mutual consent because I did not want to put myself through hearing about your relationship with OW. I could have, (and many people told me, should have), filed on grounds of Adultery, but I didn’t want to witness words about your "love" for her spilling out of your own lips. I did not want to know about your “love” for her, and I do not want to know about your relationship with her now. I know enough. And I did this to protect myself; I did not do it for your benefit. You were, and have been, an adulterous husband, and I wish I had had the strength and time to force you to justify your actions to a judge. But I did not. Lucky you.

So, when friends and acquaintances ask about this, I have to say, “we’re divorced,” and I have to accept the contempt and pity of the world. You brought this upon us. Which brings me to my next purpose in writing this. When you first announced yourself, I threw myself at your feet and I begged you and I fought and fought to save us, and I meant it. I loved you then, and curse my heart, I still love you now. And it wasn’t until I had rediscovered a tiny fragment of my own self worth that I was able to stop doing that. And you know what? It takes two spouses, WH. It takes two committed people, and I am only one. You left me utterly, utterly powerless.

Do you know what emotional abuse is? You bandy it about quite a lot. Well, emotional abuse happens when you are told by your husband, all of a sudden, (yes, all of a sudden. Do you remember you told me that “no one” would be surprised? Well, everyone was astonished.), that he doesn’t love you and never should have married you and wants to leave you, cold turkey, no apology and no willingness for reconciliation. Emotional abuse occurred when your husband, your best friend, your life partner, the person you loved and trusted more than anyone else in the world, lied to you for months and months and possibly years as he became emotionally closer and closer to a woman you considered to be one of your intimate friends. He emotionally abused you when he manipulated you into hanging out with her so that he could see her (Seattle) and realizing that he spent more of his time communicating with her online than with you in real life (Guatemala). A wife is emotionally abused when her husband, instead of turning towards her when he realizes he is growing close to another woman, turns away from her, but lies to her and carries on to her face as though everything is normal. A “friend” is emotionally abusive when she knowingly dares to go out with you, pretending like everything is normal, the night before your whole world implodes, all the while knowing what was about to happen, and that she was responsible. Emotional abuse occurs when you find out that the two of them schemed and waited for “the right moment,” and coordinated breaking up with their respective partners, but they refuse to admit that what they did was cheating and what they had was an affair. Your husband has emotionally abused you when, one week, he sweetly gives you wine and dessert and flowers that profess his love, then a week later, asks for a divorce, “just kidding!”. Emotional abuse happens when you are told by your husband, unprompted, that he is, literally, “the happiest he’d ever been,” and then three months later, you find yourself blindsided and astonished as you listen to him tell you he is so miserable and he hates your marriage so much he’s wanted to jump out of window and he can’t believe that you couldn’t see it.

Why did I write this? I guess because I need you to know that I’m still grieving, and that you have deeply wounded me. I need you to know that I didn’t want to get divorced today, but you made me. I need you to know that my silence and unwillingness to meet your eyes in court does not arise from anger or righteousness on my part. No, it’s a self-preservation thing. It’s because, I’m afraid if I look in them I’ll see the WH I used to know, and I’ll break down. And I cry enough these days. My recovery is glacial, and fragile, and like a footprint on the tundra undoing decades of growth, one soft glance from you can undo weeks of grieving and processing. So I have to live in fear of you, and in fear of myself. I don’t enjoy spending time with our friends. You’ve ruined that for me. It is all I can do to quietly graduate and slink off to California and hope that I can start a new life there. I hope I can put you behind me.

SO, you may have noticed I have NOTHING to say to you anymore. Even when it's killing me, or your sons are in trouble and you should know about it, but that's not my job anymore, right? And any financial anguish I find myself in isn't your fault anyway, right? "I didn't do anything wrong" you typed when I broke my silence to rage about how your recent actions caused me to incur more bills, more charges and your address change causes your son with the same name to NEVER AGAIN RECEIVE HIS MAIL.

I am so conditioned, that even at this late date, I responded " you are right. You did nothing wrong. Just sucks for me"

I said that, yup.

Well. You did EVERYTHING wrong! It was wrong to lay down with her. It was wrong to knock her up. It was wrong to not even TRY and do what was necessary to help heal us, make us good, keep us.. It was wrong to destroy my life, your life, our FAMILY's life.

Now, thanks to your selfishness, I may never have the home I ache for, I may well be alone from now on. My sister and mom are scarred by your actions -- they LOVED YOU, stupid. You were their brother, their son, for christs sake.

Your sons are in the not enviable position of trying to get-keep-maintain some sort of relationship with you, their dad, who hurt their mother so ridiculously bad.

Go you.

Stupid jerk, You did a few things wrong.

GAAAA, I want to send that previous post. I DO! I never said anything so straightforward. Why does he get to ride off in the sunset thinking I'm all okay now? UGH.

Today I hope you cop it. I hope reality kicks you in the arse so badly you can never sit down again. I fought, but it's only a war if there's two sides fighting... You were not fighting for anything more than to be a hero in her eyes. You couldn't give a stuff about me and the kids, love is an action, not a word, and leaving then financially unstable and missing out on things because your whore says you shouldn't pay it shows where your priorities lie.

Be a man, a real man, and look after the kids, and be the dad you tell everyone you are. You put us here, you deal with it.

I'm so sad for all of you! All these families destroyed. Children's lives changed forever

Sending hugs and prayers

Stay strong! NC is for you. Keep it up!

Tomorrow is one week completely NC. It's the first step in this epic journey of detaching from you. My life begins today, completly. Yes you can take me to court, yes you can do all the things you threaten me with. Knock yourself out buddy. My life is moving on. I still miss you, but I can see what an Epic fool you are to walk away from me and into her arms. What you both lack is not going to be found in each other.

ASSHOLE! Your financial ineptitude is costing me more money, still. Not a ton, thankfully, but jfc I can't wait until the decree arrives in the mail and I can finish severing all these stupid little ties.

The only reason I'm staying NC is that you also made one other thing way easier to take care of, since you apparently declared yourself divorced on their paperwork ages ago, and thus I can remove you without a second thought.

Ugh, just stop popping up in stupid little ways, I want you to go away for good.

You want me to stop talking about about your OW? Well, maybe she needs to stop acting like an immature, self-centered, gold-digging whore.

The TRUTH hurts, buddy. I'm speaking the truth about her. Wake up and smell the coffee, Cockwomble, she's a trainwreck.

You're an infuriating prick.

You're a liar and a cheater.

You can try to change the narrative any way you want and it doesn't change the fact that your a fucking cheater.

STFU about your church. Seriously? You're cheating on me and beating your Bible at the same time??

I'm pissed off.

I'm pissed off that you're still in my head. I'm pissed off that you're such a jerk I'm pissed off that you are treating our kids like this. I'm pissed off that you're acting like YOU are the victim here.

I will be so, so glad when I rarely, if ever, have to see or hear from you. I can hardly wait until it has been so long since I've seen you that I'm shocked by how different you look when we do come across each other.

Pay your support on time and leave me alone.

Rant, probably pretty random, but FUCK IT...I'm so over his shit right now!

You never cease to amaze me....

The first week of March we came to an agreement, sat before the judge and the court reporter answering questions on the record, & signed outlines of the agreement at the courthouse.

Now you want a whole bunch of things changed or added before you'll sign the official document my lawyer wrote up.

Some were little changes & I okayed them. The big stuff? No way, bite me!

That is stuff we did NOT agree to, like me signing a quit claim on the house 12-16 mos. BEFORE you have to refi, sell, or pay my buy out?? You think I'm stupid or something?!

WHY do you need that, anyway? I'm still responsible for the loan, hell no I'm not signing away my rights to the house!

I don't even live in the same state! Not like I'm trying to sneak into the house every weekend, or something.

And, I REALLY like how you won't sign the agreement...yet yesterday's alimony check shows up significantly reduced-- to the amount we agreed upon IN THE MSA!!

So, you won't sign the MSA, ***BUT*** you WILL benefit from it, by getting a court order to change the alimony garnishment to match it?!

You've managed to pull this kind of crap all the way through!! It's bullshit!

Fuck you! You suck! You've turned into such a piece of shit!

Oh, and I really like how you also claimed our daughter as your dependant on taxes. So did I, you dumb fuck! She lived with ME for 9 months of the year. *I* paid her doctor's visits, RXs, credit cards, utilities, rent, etc.

You housed us until March, when you finally got your way & we moved out of our home to escape you & all your shifty mindfucks.

You didn't support your Daugher financially last year! Hell, you only saw her 2x despite her being in and out of the hospital! 1x only because SHE & DS drove hours to go see you. You didn't even see them off before we moved out of the state! SMFH.

Again, FUCK YOU!!

Well, I gave you the exactly same notice that I'm challenging your claiming her on the Fed taxes as you gave me that you'd had the alimony amount revised somehow. NONE.

I hope you enjoy receiving the mail the day the IRS contacts you, as much as I did getting the smaller check yesterday.

You realize by doing this, you're hurting your children, right?

I pay rent & utilities to OUR SON! I buy groceries and pay daughter's bills along with mine, buy her meds and medical treatments ...since she's too sick to work. I guess it's ok, though. You have OW, her kids, & all her grandkids/friends now. You refer to your own kids as "them" now, & have taken hers as "family". More FUCK YOUs. I could fill 24 hours screaming FU to you. I honestly have hate in my heart for what your are now.

I can't believe you told the court I "live off the kids & don't pay rent" ...

I guess because you said it, it was true. You know, like everything you say!

They believed it automatically and everything else you said. I never even got to rebutt any of it with proof you're so full of shit your eyes are brown!

If you're going to have the alimony cut to the agreement amount, that's fine, it's what was AGREED. **BUT** what came with that agreement was also a lump sum, my equity buy out, AND a D finalization.

You shouldn't be able to pick and chose only the parts if the MSA that work for you, and continue to screw me over!!I still don't even understand how you were able to game the system-again- abd get the reduction when we haven't SIGNED the official agreement!!

This whole D thing makes me

AAAAAaaaarrrrrrgh can you please get out of my head! And im really pissed off at the psychic who told me your coming back- i DONT want you back.All i want is for you to grow up and be a father to the kids and not make my life hell. Everyone is telling me Karma is coming- im so removed from you i dont care about karma getting you anymore.

I.

Just.

Want.

To.

Move.

On!!!

But i cant, because you keep throwing stupid bombs at me and the kids that i have to pick up the pieces from. They are small children who dont need to be involved in adult crap. And tell the OW to bugger off too.... i pity her for loving you, because you know what they say, if they do it with you they will do it to you!

You are such a fucking asshole I can't even stand you right now.

What a selfish prick you are.