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ItsNotUitsMe ( member #21966) posted at 1:44 AM on Monday, August 16th, 2010
I would take all her shit out of the bedroom and move in while she was gone.
Some days are better than others. keep moving forward. It empowers you to work towards a goal. gain some control back. It will get better.
jasper ( member #28168) posted at 2:15 AM on Monday, August 16th, 2010
TCMM, glad to see you posting here again. Sounds like you continue to have a ton of pressure in your life, and I commend the way you are dealing with it. I relied heavily on SI in my darkest times, and I know you have too. I'd hate to think that your WW and her sleazy OM were able to keep you away from such a supportive community. Keep at it and stay strong.
I don't remember - does your son know that you are not his biological father. If so, I'm wondering whether his depression is not only because of the breakup of his parents' marriage, but because he would prefer to stay with you and is scared of the very real possibility that he will not be able to do so. His refusal to go away with his mother and to come to the phone to speak to her seem to me to indicate that he may be trying to tell you both his wishes without actually haveing to express them. I really feel for him, poor lad. As well as for you.
I know almost nothing about custody issues. Is there any possibility that you might be granted custody of your son as well as your daughters? I wonder whether it might help for you to reassure him that, even if you aren't able to get custody of him, so that the two of you can't have physical contact for a while, he is your beloved only son, and you will always love him and never abandon him?
This was my thought as well. Is there a way to reassure him? Are the two of you able to openly discuss your situation, and what might happen in the future?
tulipcitymadman (original poster member #28660) posted at 2:35 AM on Monday, August 16th, 2010
[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:35 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]
aliveagain ( member #25751) posted at 2:59 AM on Monday, August 16th, 2010
tcmm people in my neighborhood answer their doors with shoes or slippers on, the flaming bag of shit on the doorstep just isn't the same here. Have you thought of putting your custody and visitaton thoughts on paper and just giving it to her and walking away.
Crushed1 ( member #6449) posted at 4:25 AM on Monday, August 16th, 2010
Hi ((((TCMM))))
Glad to see you back here!
Keep hanging on, you're gonna make it!!!!
~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH
cantbelieve ( member #22028) posted at 5:12 AM on Monday, August 16th, 2010
TCMM
Glad to hear back from you. Your STBX is only digging her own grave. She is trying to hurt you but in reality, she is destroying her kids. They see what she is doing ... choosing the OM over them. Is there anyway you can just tell her to go ahead and move in with him? That way, you don't have to sleep in the basement, or, since she spends so little time there, move her things to the basement. When she gets tired of fantasy sex with him, she'll realize that living his lifestyle is not what she wants. She will have no place to live and her kids will not want to be with her.
Actually, I really feel sorry for her for what she is giving up. It just shows what kind of person she is to put herself before her children.
Hang in the TCMM. I'm sorry you have to take the high road and how painful it is, but eventually you will be rewarded.
Me: BS (61)
Him: WS (61)
LTA 4 years with co-worker
DS(30)
DD(26)
DD(23)
Married 32 years
D-day1 5/08
D-day2 11/08
Status: 6 yrs and wondering if I'll ever be truly happy again
tulipcitymadman (original poster member #28660) posted at 6:06 AM on Tuesday, August 17th, 2010
[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:36 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]
Cabrona ( member #9596) posted at 11:40 AM on Tuesday, August 17th, 2010
She has to be a grave disappointment to her son. First she does not even know who his biological father is, and now she is throwing away the one father he does know and love by acting a tramp all over again with the dirt bag. Poor kid is going to have some serious issues unless you can get him into counseling and soon.
"The truth is, everybody is going to hurt you... you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." —Bob Marley
Ciao_Bella ( member #9952) posted at 1:46 PM on Tuesday, August 17th, 2010
Why would she be opposed to you legally adopting your son, even WITH the divorce going on?
Does she not realize that:
1. Maybe the kid WANTS a dad? Most kids do.
2. It would be in the best interest of the boy for him to have legal status as your son. Has she asked him what he wants?
3. Under the current arrangement, she will get NO child support for the boy. Is she prepared to provide for him financially on her own?
I just don't get it. I have two sons of my own. I would move mountains if I had to, to ensure their well-being.
Just sayin.....
Ciao
Me (BS)Divorced from WS. He was diagnosed NPD by two Psychologists. He continued his affair with married OW for 13 years until he died in Oct 2011.
Two sons; 29 & 27 years old; I'm remarried
Hurtingfromher ( member #25485) posted at 1:57 PM on Tuesday, August 17th, 2010
It really started to piss off my WW (STBXW!!!) when I made her and her actions irrelevant (but being kept track of). She was totally focused on her "dating" and her contentment to the point she would stay in her room (before I coaxed her to leave, enough was more than enough for all of us) until leaving for the evening to return in the wee hours of the morning. I focused on the boys and starting acting like a single dad with them on all aspects of our lives. They knew I was totally there for them and she wasn't, which made the transition for when she did leave knight and day for us. The day to day stuff continued on as normal but the veil of "evil and gloom" that she radiated in our household was gone. Make her and her actions someone elses problem but keep track of them and keep a journal. Set up firm and responsible boundaries.. remember you don't have to be truthful (WW is counting on it) with someone whos done what she has done and is irrational. It's your future freedom to manipulate and send her thinking in other directions might serve you better than being predictible and open to her closed, decieitful life. You don't have to disclose your intentions or your future path to her anymore, nor give her fuel or direction to counter your moves.
[This message edited by Hurtingfromher at 8:04 AM, August 17th (Tuesday)]
Me: 37 (d-day 6Sept09)
WW: 36 (refused to go NC, coaxed out of home dec 09)
False R for 1 Day
DS:12, DS:14 Great Boys!!
Filed:5Nov2009 (Our 15 yr anniv.)
Settlement/CC signed: 6May2010
Divorcing!! Waiting for the judge to bless it. Still waitin
Lonerider ( member #9205) posted at 4:58 PM on Tuesday, August 17th, 2010
Welcome back TCCM, stay strong, we're here for you.
BS me 43 years old
WS her 45 years old
married 14 years, together 20
2 kids
D-day 7/15/05
tulipcitymadman (original poster member #28660) posted at 7:54 PM on Thursday, August 19th, 2010
[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:35 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]
Will Not Be Brok ( member #21553) posted at 8:49 PM on Thursday, August 19th, 2010
I'm so sorry to hear what you and the kids are going through( and for all of us here) Keep taking the high road. Stay strong. It's nice to hear of a man taking responsibility for the raising of the kids, when so many others of us here have stbxh who couldn't care less or act like good time charlie's w/ the kids and leave the mom's to deal with the day to day crap. You are a gem.
Faith is the bird that feels the light and sings while the dawn is still dark.
BelieveThis ( member #5124) posted at 1:57 AM on Friday, August 20th, 2010
TCMM...when they cut off all communications as your STBXW has...it is all about the fact that they know what they have done...and they don't want anyone else tell them how stupid they are! This is something that many of us here on the board can say has happened!
My STBXH, hasn't had any contact with his family in over two years! Amazing...how they can believe the other person and all the crap they tell them!
aliveagain ( member #25751) posted at 2:00 AM on Friday, August 20th, 2010
I just read your latest post and you are right, not all lawyers are sharks. I am really wondering if your wife is suffering from some mental issue? Is there anything that runs in her family?
spock15 ( member #18532) posted at 6:50 AM on Wednesday, August 25th, 2010
TCMM
Glad you are back!
I can relate to hoe you are feeling, as many of us can! If you are continuing to feel down, you may want to think about some antidepressants, or adjusting the dose if you are already on them. No shame in being on them. You need to stay strong for the kids, your mom, and yourself! During my WWs affair, my father passed away and mo mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I asked to be put on meds and stayed on them for a year.
good luck
bs me 40
ww her 38
2 great kids 13 and 9
married 18 years, but have known each other for 30+years. Status-Trying to Reconcile.
status???? Still working on it.
tulipcitymadman (original poster member #28660) posted at 4:20 PM on Wednesday, August 25th, 2010
[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:36 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]
do-over ( member #26277) posted at 4:26 PM on Wednesday, August 25th, 2010
You need to start a new thread...
Divorced Jan 09
Longtime lurker now trying to gain and share support.
I am happy.
tulipcitymadman (original poster member #28660) posted at 4:29 PM on Wednesday, August 25th, 2010
[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:36 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]
socold ( member #17400) posted at 4:31 PM on Wednesday, August 25th, 2010
You need to start a new thread...
?
(me)fBH 35
D-Day Dec 9, 2007
D final Oct 19th 2010
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