SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Got it. Holy cow, my brain is totally toast.

Got it. Holy cow, my brain is totally toast.

A parking lot confession is a term we use for a WS who is about to take a polygraph, and confesses more right before the test.

They typically choose to tell their BS something major,that they've either held back,or lied about, hoping their BS will think what they were told was so bad that their WS must've told them everything at that point, and cancel the polygraph.

Always follow through with the polygraph. Especially at that point. There's always more.

Got it. Holy cow, my brain is totally toast.

Got it. Holy cow, my brain is totally toast.

BS ONLY

[This message edited by SI Staff at 7:37 PM, May 26th (Sunday)]

A parking lot concession if what we call it when a WS is facing a polygraph test and spills his or her guts about everything that actually happened that they hadn’t already told/admitted to their BS in a panic in the car right before the polygraph test. That’s a big reason that a lot of people really recommend polygraph tests! I agree that it would be a great help in your particular case.

Today, is 4 weeks since DD. Out of town, trying hard for a brave face and happy memories for our kiddo. It’s been a rough 24 hours of Trickly truths. Learned today that he liked to hold her hand. She’s .4 inches shorter and her hand fit better. He’s never liked holding my hand. The sex seems less of an issue than this.

I understand what you mean. It is hard to know which details are going to hurt the worst. I remember our counselor wondering why I was so stuck on on a random detail, but it mattered to ME.

The toasted brain is not unusual, either. Give yourself time to figure things out. For a long time I could barely function. It is hard stuff, coping with the trauma of infidelity.

I have so much compassion for the wounded, distraught, stressed out woman I was five years ago. I wish I could go back and give “her” a hug and tell her it is going to be alright. That’s why I wanted YOU to know that.

[This message edited by Ginny at 8:07 PM, March 25th (Monday)]

BS only

[This message edited by SI Staff at 6:51 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)]

At some point you may consider having him provide a detailed timeline including conversations vs the slow leakage of soul destroying info.

Please be aware you are going to learn things that are painful.

Like she got flowers and a card - you got barely a two minute phone call.

She got a cute text with hamesrts and emojis - you got a “what’s for dinner” text.

She got hours of calls or texts - you got “I’m tired tonight” with no interaction.

Be prepared for it. Know it’s going to continue to happen the more you learn - just like “he liked holding her hand” type of thing.

So sorry for you - not trying to add more pain but I wish I was prepared for that aspect b/c it made me so angry.

the things they do with the AP but not with you are the worst, and the ones that triggered me the most.

Mine was kissing. He hates kissing but he did it with her. Now when he tries...I'm so tempted to bite him. I don't, but the urge is strong. I totally get it.

(hugs)

Ladybugmaam,

Been following your story for quite some time.

TT is the worst. It's like never ending D-days. Just when you think your soul couldn't be crushed any more, it gets crushed a little more.

I agree with Robert22205https. Have him write out a detailed timeline, complete with what they did, the conversations, what he wore, what he was thinking - everything. Save you this continued torture.

So sorry for the pain this is causing you.

I got into my WH's email shortly after DDay and I saw EVERYTHING. Photos, videos, emails... all of it sophomoric and exaggerated. It's a little scary if I'm honest, to see how the grown ass man you've relied on as your life partner, the guy you've trusted with your family's security and safety, turned into a guy with no more substance than a horny teenager. Because that's what the "hand-holding is all about. It was off limits, dangerous, indulging in the risk of being seen. Petty. Immature. A caricature of romance.

But THAT is what these kind of affairs are all about. At the core, it's not about love or affection. It's about adrenaline and risk. It's about reliving adolescent romance and the biochemical reaction to illicit sex.

Believe me, I understand how traumatizing it is to see how the guy you trusted with every aspect of your life can turn into some kind of juvenile clown. Nothing he did, however, is an indictment on you or about whether your hand is worth holding. When you step back and take a clinical look at these behaviors, what you see is simply 'acting out'. And even though that's pretty scary in its own right, it tells you what he needs to work on.

((big hugs))

...sophomoric and exaggerated. It's a little scary if I'm honest, to see how the grown ass man you've relied on as your life partner, the guy you've trusted with your family's security and safety, turned into a guy with no more substance than a horny teenager. Because that's what the "hand-holding is all about. It was off limits, dangerous, indulging in the risk of being seen. Petty. Immature. A caricature of romance.

But THAT is what these kind of affairs are all about. At the core, it's not about love or affection. It's about adrenaline and risk. It's about reliving adolescent romance and the biochemical reaction to illicit sex.

Yes, this. Mine seemed to have had a completely other life as a teenage Lothario, quite astonishingly mittyesque, and escapist..

I’ve used this quote before.

“Anytime I was told that the A had nothing to do with me, I took offense. Bc every single time they held hands, touched, kissed, had sex, smiled at each other, texted, talked, etc....every single one of those instances was a great big flip of the middle finger directed at me. It's not like they thought what they were doing was ok. They knew it was wrong...the ultimate betrayal. So yes, It had everything to do with me.”

Man, He’s been so on about the A as a thing the happened. I’m so not down with that. I keep reminding him that it was a thing that he made happen. And, it breaks my heart. Had a brief few shiny moments of not thinking about it today. Then learned of the death of a dear, dear childhood friend. A great friend lost her battle with uterine cancer today. We’re the same age. We had lost touch, and then found each other via social media a few years ago. We both had pulmonary emboli. Mine were far less serious. Hers were from cancer. The world is a really shitty place right now. Fearful of going back home and all that I know we’ll encounter there.

I’m sorry for your loss. It is lovely that you ladies were able to rekindle a wonderful friendship before cancer took her.

Don’t let him minimize his affair and sweep it under the rug. You deserve more than that.

I hope that things improve soon. I know you must be exhausted from the emotional turmoil.

double post

[This message edited by sinsof thefather at 3:03 AM, March 27th (Wednesday)]