SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

You would not have been put in the postion of telling BS if your WW hadn't had A with their H.

I don't care if it was one kiss. You don't know for sure and it could lead to something else.

You did right!! ALL eyes will be watching and the more the better!

Good luck!

(((feb)))

Your WW is so foggy she needs to experience some blowback from her 'friends'.

They might eat her alive and they might shun the fuck out of her. Either way-- it is time for her to face some real life consequences of the 'friendships' she chose.

She has prioritized this group and these relationships in her life. And she is about to find out where she really stands in the pecking order of LIFE. She will be thrown under the collective bus. She will either be dropped like a bad habit from the email list or there will be a lot of no shows from the married dude section of the group. Those jocks are going to be locked up tight.

I hope that she wakes up and sees what she was chasing. And what she is potentially losing.

In the end only she can decide to face up to it or hide from it.

Hugs and strnegth to you.

[This message edited by redrock at 8:28 PM, March 31st (Thursday)]

Your WW is so foggy she needs to experience some blowback from her 'friends'.

They might eat her alive and they might shun the fuck out of her. Either way-- it is time for her to face some ral life conswquences of the 'friendhships' she chose.

She has prioritized this group and these relationships in her life. And she is about to find out where she really stands in the pecking order of LIFE. she will be thrown under the collective bus. She will either be dropped like a bad habit from the email list or there will be a lot of no shows from the married dude section of the group. Those jocks are going to be locked up tight.

I hope that she wakes up and sees what she was chasing. And what she is potentially losing.

In the end only she can decide to face up to it or hide from it.

Hugs and strnegth to you.

She's already feeling it.

Until she fucked it up, this group was a good thing...and she knows that and she knows she fucked it up, and she can probably pinpoint that moment in time where she thought, "I hope this doesn't screw everything up with this group."

She is going to need to heal. I hope she accepts the idea of IC.

I'm headed back to the "bar thread" anyone want anything?

I beleive that the group probably started out as a good thing.

She isn't the only one that fucked up the group. Somewhere, somehow they polevaulted over the boundaries that should have been in place. For their own reasons... probably the need for attention and validation.... She ain't the only fuckwit in the group. Just the one that got used the most.

It will be one dark day when she figures that shit out.

Now that my armchair psychology is done... grab me a margarita. No salt.

[This message edited by redrock at 8:42 PM, March 31st (Thursday)]

Sorry! Wrong thread! Thought I was ordering a drink.

[This message edited by lordhasaplan? at 8:43 PM, March 31st (Thursday)]

I have some 40 Mile Creek whiskey...

No mix!

My 7 year old thinks it's pop and keeps drinking it when i buy it.

edited to add: Forgot what thread I was in, but hey, I've been drinking.

[This message edited by Feb 8, 2011 at 8:44 PM, March 31st (Thursday)]

Feb...sent you a pm.

(((Feb)))

try to keep busy until WW gets home- I always find distraction helps - take kids to the Science Centre or Zoo.

another thought- if you do email BS#2 with more info- you might want to include the link to this site- she might need us as well

My WW is returning a broken person. The news has travelled through the group like a tsunami, and she is now hated by many.

She thinks I did it tohurt her, so we are not in a good place right now, but at least I know I did what was right.

It's not enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what's required. WS Churchill

Most here will agree you've done both.

First post on your thread, but I have been following your story. Your WW is likely to come back and blameshift, tell you she was going to reconcile, but now that you have exposed she has changed her mind etc. Prepare for a series of tantrums because she now has to deal with consequences of her actions. Ignore her. One of the things I learned from SI that helped me the most was to respond to her with "I'm sorry you feel that way". Put it in your arsenal as it tends to shut them down. Pulling for you and you've done good.

There is an expression that I think originated in Spanish, "When you mess with the bull, you get the horns". Say it to her only once, after that anytime she tries to blameshift on any of this you can just give her the hand sign, and walk away.

ETA: image won't post Try this instead:

http://images.imagestate.com/Watermark/2154874.jpg

[This message edited by Cabrona at 6:14 AM, April 1st (Friday)]

She thinks I did it tohurt her,

Well fuck her and the bike she rode in on.

Feb, you need to find your anger. Oh hey, hang on, I've got heaps of it here for you 2500 miles away here in Texas. I'm sending it your way and directing it like a guided missile at your WW.

You did it to "hurt" her? Really. Where is SHE in all this? Where are her kids? Where are the children of the men she fucked? Where are their wives? ALL people who I promise you, "hurt" worse than she does. Whose lives are now a living HELL because she needed the validation that comes with fucking someone who belongs to someone else. (Oh right... that's not validation, that's being a homewrecking bitch. Which frankly, is a bit of a light sentence, if you ask me. I personally felt after DDay that I wanted to bludgeon the OW with a threaded pipe. And I was formerly a pacifist.)

It's just all about her, isn't it? She's the REAL victim here, isn't she?

Let consequences rain down on her head like hot coals. Let them hate her. Let them gossip. Let her name be mud. SHE DESERVES IT. That's what UNREMORSEFUL cheaters get. She isn't ONE BIT sorry for what she has done to you, your children, and those other families because of HER selfishness.

Fucking other people is not a game. Breaking up families isn't some little, edgy sexual lark.

Do not let her put this back on you. No sir. You catapult that shit right back at her. DO NOT ACCEPT HER BLAMESHIFTING AND HER SELF PITY.

I've been reading on SI for four years, Feb, and she's one of most manipulative, screwed up people I've ever read about. Really. I thought my XWH was a couple standard deviations off, but she's in good company with him.

I'm sure this is a crucible for you. You are the hero here. You did the right thing. Small comfort, perhaps. But in time you will look back and be very, very proud of yourself. For having integrity during such a difficult trial. Hang in there.

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

People are going to talk and have opinions. But you did what you did in order to save your marriage. It was not malicious. It was not uncalled for. It was the right thing to do.

When I told the OBS, I said to him....if the roles were reversed, I wouldn't want to be the only one not in the know. Now it is out in the open.

Everyone is going to feel raw emotion right now. And that is ok. Just be gentle to yourself....it may not feel like you did the right thing because the aftermath is so intense....but you really did the right thing.

Today is FEB day. You need to take today to just chill, get your list of requirements for R ready, practice saying "I am sorry you feel that way" and closing your ears, so when she is blameshifting, hating and screaming you can't hear it. Enjoy your night tonight with your kids. Relax and try to get some sleep. (even if you need Tylenol PM). You will need your strength the next few days. This will be the big shit storm before the calm. It will settle down, just not for a few days.

Be prepared for emails and texts today. Not just from her, but others as well. Some will be supportive, some will be curious and nosy and others may be crappy. Alot of news will be traveling around today. Just take a deep breath and get through it, OK??

Hang in there Feb.

oh shit...what happens when they get back to his house in ****ville ? She has to move two bikes and luggae from his car to our van to drive home. I wonder if BS will be ther? Her sister will. Awkward. I almost want to save her from that, but its not like I can take the kids.

Oh, to be a fly on the wall...

Feb, steel yourself for whatever sort of confrontation is going to happen when she gets home. I make no predictions how it will play out. But two things:

Make sure you take not one shred of blame for anything pertaining to the A's nor the exposure. Not your shit to own - none of it.

Also, is there some way you can get your kids out of harm's way? I know they haven't seen their mom for 10 days, but there's likely to be a shitstorm of one type or another, and they don't need to see that. Sorry I don't have any suggestions. Maybe someone else might?

that doesn't stop from feeling their pain

Right. Letting the OBS's know was painful for you because you're not an asshole. If it weren't painful for you, you'd be the cheater.

Look at how many lives have been devastated. Lives are about to change forever. Three BS's trying to hold their own head's above water while scrambling to protect their children.

Innocent children, like your own, are standing on the edge of a cliff at this very moment and don't know it yet.

If your WW wants to blame anything, ANYTHING on you, you remember what you're looking at when you look into her eyes...a woman who whipped through town like the Tasmanian devil and was a willing participant in the destruction of her own family and two other families.

The only path to R'ing a M that's worth a damn is the path that holds your wife accountable for her actions.

While I agree with everything written here, especially Squiffle? I just have to ask... is the OM hated as well? Because he did this too!!! As did OBS- in some fashion yet to be determined. Both of those men and your wife were sending out signals that they were willing to fool around. All three share the blame to an extent.

While I think it's only right that your wife be seen as the homewrecker, because she was/is? I'm curious as to what is the attitude towards the guys.

And to be a fly on the wall is right! Not only when she arrives at his house, but how about that car ride? Wow. Think they're fighting or just a looongggg uncomfortable silence.

Would it be possible to keep a VAR on you?

Think of it as insurance...

I think you just need to tell your WW that the other BSs had a right to know. Ask her if you had an A if she would like to hear from the other BS? Make her give you an answer. That would put it in perspective.