SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Do some people just get a divorce and never look back????

It's tough, goose-em. Real tough.

Will you be a walking zombie? Maybe--you just don't know until you are experiencing it.

Take some of your anger and channel it to your benefit. Use it to take control of the situation after exposure.

And most importantly--just hang in there, friend.

PS--To answer your last post:

Yes. Infidelity is an instant dealbreaker for many--and who can blame them?

I know I ALWAYS SAID INFIDELITY was a dealbreaker for me...but her I am.

[This message edited by jb3199 at 3:48 PM, February 23rd (Wednesday)]

Get a keylogger immediately. Best $80 I have ever spent. What kind of phone does she have? Blackberry?

You MUST have indisputable proof before you confront your wife. Don't underestimate the enormity of the lies that a wayward spouse will tell. Using a GPS device and confirming that she did lied about where she went does not prove she is having an affair.

How you and your wife move forward will largely depend on her reaction to being exposed.

I would highly recommend against leaving or trying to kick her out. Sleep on the couch or make her sleep on the couch, but don't kick her out.

Also, things between my wife and I were better than they had been in a long time WHILE she was having an affair. She says it was because she was in a better mood than she had been in a long time.

I'm sorry you have to be a part of this club...

1. Never ever give up your sources.

2. Don't believe anything she tells you. Believe only half of what you see from her.

3. Eat, sleep and drink lots of water.

Based on your last post she is a master deceiver and gas lighter, so I underscore the need for rock solid evidence before you confront her. Var, key logger and gps are all good methods. There are smart phone apps billed as anti-theft or kid safety tools that plot a phone's position on the map in real time...and other apps that capture texts, tho I've no personal experience. Plan a "work trip" out of town then double back and catch them meeting up. If OM has a wife or GF, consider a tactical alliance...maybe you can both confront on the same day. Or you can tell her right after you confront, if you think she'd blow the lid off prematurely.

You won't really know what you want to do until the smoke clears. Judging from her recent behavior, your WW is either a great actor, or she still values your M on some level. This makes her a great candidate for going underground and cake-eating as she will want to keep her status quo. Reveal as few of your info sources as you can, because you'll probably need them again.

I have a iphone spy stick that is suppose to extract her information from her phone..even deleted messages. Because the iphone has a solid state drive the data is technically not erased...its gets moved into another part of the hard drive while it waits to be overwritten.

You are right about the GPS unit. That may take some time to catch her like this.

I really don't want to keep living like this.

I had to go on date night with her on the day I discovered all the text messages(last friday). I told her I had a bad day at work..and work was bugging me. She can read my emotions like a book.She bought it. I found out this week I'm a pretty good liar as well.

It's been 5 days now...I need to get her phone or computer to grab that data from her SMS.

Based on what you guys have said, I need to gather more information. Because right now I have NO CLEAR proof.

I hate to quote Silencio right after he makes another post, but out of all the excellent advice you've recieved I think this point is extremely important.

Good advice so far... The one thing I can think to add is, be ready for the shock of seeing WW transform into a cold, withdrawn, hostile stranger right in front of you. If she's been keeping up appearances, or just has always maintained some basic level of affection toward you through it all, the cornered animal response can really throw you.

I seriously spent days listening to the hatred, justification and vitrol coming from my WS with my jaw literally dropped open. The justification and things that come out of their mouths is beyond reason.

You mentioned they play words with friends together... I will bet she will claim he is "just a friend". It's good that you will get more proof, at least for yourself.

You mention things going well right now... that was not my experience but on SI I've read of that often happening in the beginning... even WS post in the beginning the affair makes their marriage "better" but as it goes on secrets take a toll and the WS starts taking it out on the BS.

[This message edited by why2008 at 8:53 PM, February 23rd (Wednesday)]

I guess the longer I can hold out..the less heart ache I will have later. Because like I said. I still don't have absolute Proof.

How do you get through life...when every second all you can think about is the hell??

Am I going to be a walking Zombie?

Many people go on the "Infidelity diet". I lost 35 lbs in a month (210->175). I Didn't eat or sleep for two weeks strait (I wasn't tired or hungry). I couldn't work and I cried every day.

Your results may vary.

Make sure you talk to your boss if your performance starts declining. Just say that you have some personal issues going on.

BTW,

I saw text messages that nailed my wife on an emotional affair. She denied a physical affair. I got a keylogger and found out the truth the same day. I didn't confront her for three weeks.

I wanted so badly for her to admit the truth, she never did. I asked her over and over and over "did you have sex with him", she adamantly said no right to my face every time.

It was almost funny in a sick way. I used to ask her VERY detailed questions, tailoring the questions based on the information I gathered. She lied every damn time.

She was under the influence of a very powerful drug. I treated it like a drug addiction.

I'm down 40 lbs since Oct.2010. And right now I'm starting to look too skinny. I've been eating Whey and trying to keep weight on but it's very hard. I know my body needs it...so I eat.

Two weeks of not sleeping..OMG.

I hope that she didn't get wind of my hunting around and has cut things off...because I'll never know the truth.Her plans have changed a little bit all of the sudden. Hmmm...

I'm always impressed by folks who can gather info and hold onto it for a planned confirmation. I am far too emotional and the second I see something my emotions are all over.

Since you have waited this far, I would follow the advise on speaking with an attorney. I do regret not knowing my rights before freaking out. Since it seems so difficult for mother's to lose custody, you really want to be protected.

I don't think kicking her out should hinder R. you need space and time to sort thru things. Since I haven't learned my rights yet, I have been powerless to remove H from my home (but that is not necessarily a bad thing)

I know I have hundreds of details I still need, lies I need sorted out and that hasn't happened yet. Nothing will stop the mental movies, i can't tell you how images of their texts would just pop into my head. Through others' experiences, I imagine the imagination is worse than the reality.

Good luck to you, I'm so happy you found this place, it has saved my sanity - i get more support here than anywhere in my life.

Well, I exaggerated a bit...

I probably averaged 200-300 calories per day and 2-3 hours of sleep a day for two weeks. It was a weird feeling, not being hungry or tired for so long... I imagine my body was cranking out the adrenaline to keep me going.

I wasn't hungry or tired, but I was thirsty like a mother fucker. I was drinking water all day... So damn thirsty.

I mentioned not kicking her out... I would avoid making any "big" desicions (like getting divorced) shortly after you find any new information. The rage and pain make it difficult to make good desicions.

If it's a good choice, it will still be a good choice after you give yourself a few days to calm down.

Avoid ultimatums. Don't say things like "if you talk to him again it's over". If she is deep into an affair, it will be very difficult for her to avoid contacting the OM. By avoiding ultimatums, you can avoid 1) making desicions based purely on pride, or 2) looking like a total bitch when she breaks your ultimatum and you don't follow through.

Dear Goose em,

I am so sorry you are going through this. Just know that the pain you are going through at the beginning is absolutely the worst. I am one year out from my husband's A (today it is one year), he confessed on 2/28 last year. I jumped out of the truck on the freeway when he told me. But I am still here, still alive. Drove him to work this morning, he cried the whole way, he is so ashamed.

There is hope for your M if you want it. There is hope for you if you want to D. Just take things slow and see what she does. As others have said, do NOT reveal your sources. If your wife is not going to confess, then it is up to you to find out the truth in a way that she cannot dispute it. Because cheaters lie all too well.

Sending you prayers for peace. Take care.

I actually thought my life was tough about 6-7 months ago. HAHA....I had no idea.

No texts to him in 2 days...? Maybe she knows something is up or..could she be "texting in words for friends"????

Maybe they broke up.

Thank you all for the help. It's very nice to know that I'm not the only person that is living through this. I never even knew a site like this existed 4 days ago.

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We're here 24/7. So far in my experience everyone has been beyond awesome. This place is truly my sanity.

The mods stay on top of everything so that no one gets out of line or gets away with attacking anyone.

Again, this place is my sanity. No two ways about it.

Remember that the proof you get via keylogger, GPS, or VAR might not be admissable as evidence in court but most of us don't care about that anyway. We want proof for our own peace of mind.

And, yes, some people do just straight up file for divorce. How you move forward with your information is totally up to you though. We're here to support you either way.

goose-em wrote:

No texts to him in 2 days...? Maybe she knows something is up or..could she be "texting in words for friends"????

Either that, or she has gotten a secret cell phone. They NEVER just stop that easily. She must know you're suspicious.

Crazy thought...What if they did stop seeing each other?

Then I will never know what went down??? And I'll never be able to trust her.

This could be a bad situation also...oh man...*sighs*