SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I think she has had unprotected sex with one or probably more than one OM.

I recommend you take a deep breath and let her hang herself. A voice activated recorder in her car will help you gain the truth.

I believe you are dealing with a serial cheater here and unless she shows remorse immediately there is little chance of your M working.

I hope you will be a strong confident man this week.....if you're not then FAKE IT

Dear goose em,

I am so sorry. I am praying for you. Take care of yourself and your child.

I don't have much advice for you. Just wanted to send good thoughts out to you. Try your utmost to sleep a bit and eat some. If you really look every bit as bad as you feel, you can always claim the flu so she doesn't get suspicious.

I know you feel like every bit of sky is crashing on your head, but in time it DOES get somewhat better.

((((goose-em))))

goose-em,

I am sorry, brother. It doesn't matter how much you try to prepare yourself, it hurts just as bad no matter what.

You have to take care of yourself first and foremost. Equate it to putting your own oxygen mask on a decompressing plane before helping anyone else...even your child's.

The bottom line is you won't be using your best judgement if you are not taking care of yourself.

You have enough evidence to know you aren't being paranoid. Don't reveal any of your sources. Get legal advice right away, and definitely protect yourself financially.

I am in a no fault state also--but if she is onto you, and you haven't safeguarded your finances, she can empty bank accounts, run up credit cards...whatever---and you'll be on the hook for half. Please take care of this immediately.

As wifehad5 often says---she is not your wife. She is your wayward wife. She does not have your best interests in mind.

It is oh-so-true. Don't forget that. She needs to be treated like the enemy at this point---otherwise more pain and suffering will be coming. Don't believe a word that comes out of her mouth.

I'm so sorry, friend.

I am so sorry you are hurting

Why don't you change your ski trip plans and surprise her and her sunshine?

there would be no denying it then! (well she would still try with the "its not what you think")

since you have the GPS in place you would know exactly where to find her and she would not be watching her back because she thinks you are out of town. Just a thought.

Don't say how much you know, act like you know everything and she has to tell you. Also, she's going to blame you so be prepared for blameshifting.

I totally agree with Mission.

I totally wish I would have waited a couple of days to make sure I had hard copies of proof. It's amazing how quickly they can make it all disappear.

Goose-em:

I agree - skip the trip - monitor your gps - and YOU can be Mr. Surprise!

With regard to confronting -

They ALWAYS want to know HOW much you know so they can only confess what they have to.

Memorize one line:

'I know everything - I will listen when you are ready to confess it all.'

When you get some bullshit story - repeat the line - walk away..

Eventually you may get most of the truth. But if you ever admit what you know - that is ALL you will ever find out!

[This message edited by stillnpain at 9:56 AM, February 25th (Friday)]

And her evil little bitch friend has known and has been helping this all along...no wonder why she never hangs out with us(family) and acts weird around me.

Yep, classic. There was a guy that was like when my H was cheating. If you do decide to reconcile, then this bitch needs to be banned from your both your lives.

You see... THIS is why we are telling you to lay low and gather evidence, if you were to R then Little Miss Morality there would probably gladly be a cover to continue the affair and you would not know there was a snake in your midst.

This is also why the phone call idea is good, because your wife may have only told this person and now she will be suspicious that her friend ratted her out, or told someone else that called you.

They ALWAYS want to know HOW much you know so they can only confess what they have to.

Very true...

Keep posting, and make sure to cover your internet tracks.

I agree with why2008. Her friend is an enabler and a facilitator of the affair. She is no friend of the marriage. IF you decide to try to R, then NC goes for her enabling friend as well as the OM.

I'm planning on going to the ski trip. That bitch is not going to take that away from me too. She has dinner planned with a bunch of girlfriends on Saturday night...she will be out with them...and then texting him all night for the hookup.

I've lived through this week, So what is a couple more days???

She bought me shoes last night out of the blue...puke... She has been buying me alot of gifts recently.

I can't believe she doesnt know....that I know!!!! I've been acting pretty crazy. She asked me if I was coming home for lunch today...I was thinking" no I have to open a checking account on my lunch break" oh man I hate this bitch!!!!

On the VAR...they almost never call each other!! It's 97% text messages.

And when they do call it's only a 1-2 min. Sounds more like a PA!!!!

Please speak to a lawyer, regardless of what you think you know about divorce in your state. Evidence of cheating MAY matter in some regard or another, perhaps in child custody...who knows. You have know idea what the future may bring, and I would hate for you to later look back on this and wish you had that irrefutable evidence. This trip out of town for you may be the perfect opportunity for you to get that evidence. Hire a PI if you possibly can. My heart goes out to you and your children. Please get STD tested...she is obviously worried that she had something. I'm so sorry you are joining the rest of us in this un- bearable hell.

Dear Goose-em,

I can tell you there is life after divorce. I divorced my first H and never ever looked back. There is a limit to what anyone can take, and I have never once regretted my decision. The kids have grown up and are fine. The day he moved out, I felt a huge weight off my shoulders.

Sending wishes for peace to you and your child.

Going out with the girls, translates to meeting up with him, at the end of the night

Her buying you gifts is just to allay your suspicions---and make things look somewhat normal

If she can get a babysitter, she'll probably have him over so they can "mark" your bed while you're out of town. It's kind of the ultimate for them.

BTW, you're a lot smarter than I was. I had the cell bill, with certain calls highlighted in yellow, spread all over my desk when she walked in on my. She knew I suspected at that point.

ETA: I agree with the guy who said to file first. Even if you don't go through with it, it puts you in the driver's seat. Earlier you asked are their guys who divorce right away. My bro's wife (doctor) was caught swinging while he was deployed. Instant divorce.

[This message edited by palerider at 1:28 PM, February 25th (Friday)]

My step daughter is home for the weekend(12). So she will be watching our younger daughter(4) while she "goes out with her friends".

And she really does have plans...but after that

My dream was to be able to catch them in the act. The ultimate Holy Shit moment for them. I would skip the ski trip in a heart beat and surprise them in the act. Can't deny that for even a second although the always try. I joined this thread late, but just wanted to say how sorry I am for you. I could never imagine cheating on my husband even after he's cheated on me. People's feelings matter too much to me.

You have the opportunity that most guys(including me) here wish we've had....the chance to bust her red-handed!!! Don't pass this up.

I'm sitting here at bank of America and the banking specialist is asking me what my wife does etc etc asking me about my kids...OMG...

All your hopes and dreams smashed....this sucks....