SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

They don't go from 40 text a day to 0. No way. She has another phone. Start snooping. And keep in mind that a common trick is to get the SAME EXACT PHONE so it won't be so noticable.

No texts in a couple of days could mean he is on a family vacation and can't contact her without arousing suspicion.

You said you've lost 40 lbs since October, when did you find out she was having an improper relationship? Was it last Friday or in October. Either way, we will support you, I'm just confused.

Oct 13th..she said she wanted to leave me...she wasn't happy etc.I was totally blindsided. We had been losing weight together. So I lost most of my wieght from Aug-Oct...2010

But I've lost more weight in the last few weeks and this weekend. I'm Skinny....

I'll just answer #5. No, it's not weird you haven't told her yet. You don't know what you're going to do, so why shoot first and ask questions later?

I waited 6 weeks to confront my WH. I had to give some very, very serious thought to whether or not I wanted to try to save the marriage. If not, I needed to lay low and hire a PI because in my state if you can prove adultery you can be divorced in only a few weeks and you'll get usually 70% of the marital assets.

I blew up as soon as I found evidence of the texts, but never had a chance to read any of them. Be prepared for lies, lies, lies, blame shifting, gas lighting, rug sweeping, the whole nine yards. I am 8 months out from DDay but had months of TT until mine finally fessed up to fucking the OW. It didnt help that she was 20 years younger than him and a former porno star!

(((gooseem))))

If you can stand it, don't let her know you know until you have proof and have seen an attorney.

So sorry you are suffering.

goose-em

Id like to extend my advice a little,

Please go and see your doctor, let him know whats going on, get something to help you with sleeping, pay close attention to your diet, eat healthy and eat regularly even if your not hungry.

You may find that the nervous energy is burnign off significantly more calories than usual, if your still loosing weight consider some high calorie foods occasionally.

You need to stay helathy to be able to think clearly and thinking clearly is going to be hard enough in the comming days and weeks as it is.

Chances are she suspected u knew and they've taken it underground. That's what my hub did!

Keep tracking but get better at it.

After 50 posts u have acres to the investigative forum. Their are some great ideas on there.

I also don't think it's weird that you haven't told her, her behavior, wanting to leave you out of the blue is typical behavior.

Listen to sadtoo, she may have another phone. You may want to get a keylogger for her computer if she uses it alot.

So you think she is fooling around with one of the guys at work?

People are advising you to see an attorney, but what do YOU want to do? Do you want to stay in the relationship? Or are you like so many of us, so shellshocked you don't know what to do?

First and foremost... get this into your head, you may not have done everything right in your relationship but no one deserves to be cheated on. She WILL blame you, and feel free to ask her why, the reasons will be so childish it will help you process what kind of mind you are dealing with.

Goose-em,

Some may disagree - but here's my take:

I would bet my left nut she was involved in an affair last October -

Maybe they cooled it for a while for whatever reason-

Maybe she was unsure what she wanted - so she started being nice to you again -

Then either resumed lately or with the other guy, whatever...

The others are right - you don't go from 40 per day to 0 for no reason... There is a 'reason' for everything. If it don't make sense - that only means you DON'T have all the information.

Sorry to say -

But you will never get the truth unless you can retrieve those deleted texts.

Here is what I recommend:

- Keep your mouth shut and keep digging. If you confront now, you will never know any more than you know now.

- Look for a second phone. It's likely somewhere.. Under the seat of the car is the usual place they hide.

- install the GPS!

- Install webwatcher or some other spyware on the computer. It is seldom that affair partners will only use ONE form of communication.

All that to say this. If you do not find out what you need to know before confronting, then you will spend the rest of your life wondering, imagining, doubting, douting yourself, doubting your own intelligence...

Keep looking!

Good luck..

Dude…I gotta chime in here. This all seems ‘silly’ to me at this point. Your proof are the texts. You need to confront her and/or the OM(s) spouse(s).

I held out for a week and a half to gather my facts and it almost killed me. You sound as if you are ready for a body bag.

From your posts I’m also unclear on what YOU want to do in terms of your M. Deep down your pissed and want to ‘kick her out’ as you say. But do you really? Do you still love and need her? THAT is the key question you need to ask yourself honestly because it will definitively guide your thoughts and words when you confront her. Critical thoughts and words that will come out of your mouth and mold both of your futures.

This has been the most insane week of my life.

I love this woman with all my heart. And if this never happened...we would probally live a very happy life together. Besides this our problems were not that bad.

So for kicking her out..I'm totally on the fence.

So far I don't really have enough HARD proof...that she did anything. Here is what I have.

1. Texting two guys way too much. Mostly when I'm gone or she is at work.(videos and picture too).

2. She changed the name of one of the guys in her phone to a womans name.

3. She has deleted huge blocks of text messages.

4. She never mentioned these guys.

5. She had an STD test about 1 month ago(negitive).

6. She seems distracted alot.

7. Trys to make plans to go out at least 1 a week.

8. She feels guilty when I do really nice things for her.

So I have some facts and evidence nothing fool proof.

Right now I'm syncing her iphone back up log..and exracting the data. It's going to be like opening up pandora's box. I'm scared. Not sure if it will let me read the deleted messages or not. I will know in 30 minutes. I'm hoping this thing works.

All the things you point to are very clear indications of at least an EA, and the STD test puts her in pretty squarely in the PA camp.

Whatever you do, be very careful about how much info you reveal you know, and how you got it. It is very common for them to go underground and try to carry on the affair.

Please come back here and post so that we can help you through the rest of this nightmare.

I might be jumping the gun with this question...but how to I tell her I know...without...telling her HOW I know???

I would have to say that it sounds like a definent on an EA and most likely a PA. They could have both gotten an STD test to prove that they were both clean before sleeping together. My current FWH and I did that prior to sleeping together when we met. I wasn't going to leave anything for chance.

My FWH had an EA turned PA and he did all the things in your list (with the exception of testing (that I know of). He put her name under a man's name, he never spoke of her, etc.

Be careful about confronting too soon without evidence. I always confronted too soon and they went way underground. Secret cell phones, fake email accounts, etc.

I hope you can get some of the information off the phone. Even if it is really bad, you will at least know and can move from that point rather than always wondering.

Peace to you!

I'm getting very nervous about looking at this file........

Have you already decided what your going to do if you confirm that she is having an affair?

At first, it is difficult to imagine doing anything but separating, but after a fer days your opinion may change.

If you try to kick her out (not sure you even can, legally at least), it may just drive her away to the OP.

but how to I tell her I know...without...telling her HOW I know???

When my FWH would ask how I knew and asked where I got proof, etc. I wouldn't say anything, I would just turn the conversation back to what he had done, not how I found out. A little reverse gas lighting.

My wife is 35...the guy is 27..and is in college. I don't think he is in a relationship. I know he is not married. He is a model.

I'm not sure...if he wants my 35 year wife and her 2 kids from two different dads.

So I'm thinking there is no future with this guy(but I could be wrong). MY wife is very fun, attractive and has a good job.

goose-em i waited and collected evidence too and im so glad i did, at first i just had some inapropriate texting but over the next week the whole ugly truth unfolded in their own words, undeniable evidence, im so glad i know that "truth" and it helped me make my decisions since i felt i really knew what i was dealing with. i was also able to provide mOW's BH with the hard evidence. to answer your question

but how to I tell her I know...without...telling her HOW I know???

i simply told my husband "i love you but i do know about you and mOW and I'm not sure what I want to do about it. I'm going to my sister's house tonight" then I left to my sister's house, exposed the A to mOW's BH next morning and took a week at my sisters to process before making any decisions about anything. be strong. you can do it.