SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I am not sure where you are from, but I highly doubt that they can lose their jobs over this. It may be embarrassing, but that is about it in our current society. Both are legal adults, married or not, and there no longer are morals clauses that would be grounds for dismissal. (Unless, of course, he or she were involved with a student...)

In addition, as much as it may burn our asses that it is possible, there is nothing to have him removed as your son's coach, either.

The most that might happen is a warning/ counseling memo in their files for inappropriate use of school time for the texting (provided it was not during prep or lunch). But once formally counselled or warned, if it doesn't happpen again, there isn't legal standing for losing their jobs.

I know that sucks, but it is what it is. Also be careful, because unless it is written into a separation or divorce agreement or a restraining orderin place, you can't even limit your child's interaction or exposure to OM if your WW allows it.

sorry. duplicate post

[This message edited by guarded at 10:12 PM, July 13th (Saturday)]

Gaurded it would be easy to get my son to discuss with the superintendent that Mr. Coach was promising one on one coaching for him. And offering to drive him to and from practice. As the superintendent is a very religious man he will not be happy with this. We live in a very small town and this type of thing is still judged, as it should be. In the best case for the lovers they will be forced to not teach in the same school anymore.

This is definitely abusing his power over children.

I am not sure where you are from, but I highly doubt that they can lose their jobs over this. It may be embarrassing, but that is about it in our current society. Both are legal adults, married or not, and there no longer are morals clauses that would be grounds for dismissal.

If one is so inclined, one can fire anyone they want to. Misuse of school resources (even if it is just time that belongs to the school) is a good start.

If your wife says she wants to D and that the papers should be done by your lawyer, you should jump at that just for the opportunity to not have to pay two lawyers to fight.

As Mark Twain said, One lawyer in a small town will starve to death, two can make a damn good living.

I think driving over to the other BS house with unknowing WW in tow is one of the best things I've read on here! Brilliant!!

Unwound, in the I Can Relate forum, there is a thread called Betrayed Men http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/text.forums.asp?tid499130&hl&ap761. I would suggest that you go there. Those guys are fantastic and extremely supportive. I daresay that you'll get plenty of advice and support there as well.

Something tells me this was more than just an EA.

Did your WW ever have to stay late to grade papers, do extra work?

They had plenty of time to do extra curricular "activities".

I am not sure where you are from, but I highly doubt that they can lose their jobs over this. It may be embarrassing, but that is about it in our current society. Both are legal adults, married or not, and there no longer are morals clauses that would be grounds for dismissal. (Unless, of course, he or she were involved with a student...)

I agree with guarded. When we first find out after D Day, the BS feels there should be some sort of consequences directed at the OP. This is a natural reaction given the great trauma that has been suddenly inflicted on you and the anger and conflict that develops inside you.

Other natural reations are to snoop, investigate etc, control mobile phones (I did a lot of that)

The reality is, in our western culture we all have the choice as to who we have as our partner provided both people agree to it.

A person can not be forced, either by law or threat, to stay in a marriage if they don't want to.

The key question to be asked after d-day is do both people honestly want to stay in the marriage and do everything we said in our vows on our wedding day?

For the WS, they need to be answering the question within 2 minutes. If they say yes then the BS has about 6 months to contemplate their response (you need time to get your emotions together).

If the WS can not answer, I believe it is a coward's way of saying no.

She declared she wants a divorce. She wants the house. She wants primary custody. Did I miss something?

We all missed something - and that's a dam good question.

All I got for you right now is to protect yourself. Lawyer up.

Think and ask about appropriate legal ways to separate finances.

I'm sorry man. She's...not right.

You missed the fact that the person you married is a fucking moron. Don't worry, I completely missed that too.

She declared she wants a divorce. She wants the house. She wants primary custody. Did I miss something?

Oh yeah, half your pension or 401k. And a million other things.... She can make all the demands in the world and that doesn't mean jack until the court says so.

On that note:

Be careful.

Buy a voice activated recorder and keep it with you at all times.

She has motivation to try to get you out of the house and at the same time make you the 'bad' guy so that her rep in that small town is preserved. And you know what moves that along nicely for her-- a domestic violence allegation. She could involve the cops, courts etc... tmrw and have you escorted from the house.

PROTECT yourself. Right now. Even if it sounds far fetched, it has happened. To members here. BE very, very careful.

Do not leave the house before you talk to a lawyer about your rights in regards to the home, custody, furnishings etc...

Exercise to get the stress out. And take care of you. And your poor son.

Infidelity frickin' sucks.

[This message edited by redrock at 9:04 PM, July 18th (Thursday)]

((Unwound))

Bitch boots, chore gloves and how about...Shit Kickers!

I am sorry you are here.

Tremendous responses for you.

I wish you well.

LA

[This message edited by kickboxer at 9:54 AM, July 20th (Saturday)]

(((unwound)))

Time to get your ducks in a row. I would strongly recommmend against using the same attorney. I have seen some nihtmare scenarios develop for that.

You did nothing wrong. She is smoking some good stuff if she thinks home, kids, and the ony change in her life is the mand next to her in bed. Deep into fairytale land for sure.

Stay strong. Let your son know how much he is loved, that sucks for a teen to find out about a parent. You need to let him know that it has nothing to do with him, and you will ALWAYS be there for him. Offer counseling. Too often our boys tend to bottle it up, and become frustrated, and confused, and then depressed. (I have dealt with this, not about infidelity but death and my son was confident enough in our relationship to share with me that he was depressed, confused and even cut himself once) We got him the help he needed. He is much better now.

(((and strength)))

She declared she wants a divorce. She wants the house. She wants primary custody. Did I miss something?

Of course she does....it is classic false entitlement syndrome. Nope, not a real disease but it should be, we see it here enough.

Just wait, next step is her twisting it all around so she can portray herself as the victim.

It is all very amazing when you try to understand their version.

Sighhhhhhh

Keep your chin-up, lots of BS is coming but you CAN do this!

Thanks everyone. It gives me strength to read your responses. I am meeting her for lunch to discuss the divorce.

How did lunch go?

The lunch went fairly well. Compared from her first divorce settlement requests to her tune yesterday things have improved. Basically she wants to split everything 50/50 so she can be done. Including custody. 50/50 custody is as good as it will get for me, if I am being realistic.