SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So, MBB, in your relationship who has been putting in most of the relationship work?

Me. At this point I have to say me.

I remember biology professor warned that using the Coolidge Effect and studies like it using rats, monkeys, dogs, etc, cannot predict human behavior, just the behavior of that studied brain and species. Rats don't predict dog behavior and dogs don't predict monkey behavior. The psych teacher tried to extrapolate some of these studies into human behavior but the bio teacher had gotten to us first. We rejected the theory. The departments did not agree then or ever about the significance to human behavior using animals in controlled environments.

Do you really believe that a rat with a butter bean size brain can act in a way to predict the behavior and complexities of a human brain? They poop and pee where they live and eat, they eat their young, and they will gnaw the face off an infant if given the chance. They also made no difference in copulating with their litter mates, little sissy.

Do you really believe that a rat with a butter bean size brain can act in a way to predict the behavior and complexities of a human brain?

No and I've already said so. It was a subject brought up on another thread. I was merely asking if this phenomenon could exist and if so I found it troubling.

I do believe there are those who have to pursue the new and different. That they have to have that thrill. Is that so far fetched a notion?

Ahhh biology

Human beings are primates. A child wants something he wants to take it.

An animal wants something, he takes it.

What stops us from stealing? From killing? etc.?

We are social animals who live in a society. The societal norms teach us that we cannot steal something that belongs to another. It doesn't matter how much we may want it. How much we deserve it, etc. It's wrong to steal and we are taught the many reasons why it is wrong. There are still people who do it anyway, but there are consequences.

It doesn't matter if the Coolidge Effect is true or not. It might be. Most of know that we might see someone we are physically attracted to but don't follow our "instincts" to go after them. Why?

Because we can reason. We know it's just a physical reaction.

I don't buy all the BS about how males (or females) feel the "need" to go after more than one "mate".

We live in a society were me make conscious decisions about marriage, commitment, obligations, etc.

Just because I see someone with a better car than and I want it, doesn't make it right that I go and take it because my basic instinct tells me to take what I want.

It's good to understand these impulses, but my impulse to hit someone that makes me angry is not an excuse to do so.

I'm unhappy with my marriage/life/ job/ etc doesn't not excuse me cheating on a spouse that I have made a commitment to, a family that I have made with that spouse.

The Coolidge Effect theory does not excuse a person who made a conscious choice as homo sapiens sapiens to cheat.

PERIOD

Nobody has to do anything besides eat, sleep and shit. Yes, it is that far-fetched.

If somebody habitually chases the new and different and people get hurt as a result, it is because that person is a selfish asshole, not because they lack the ability to control themselves.

If this Coolidge Effect is true, that would make my WS a rat.

It would also explain the HB concept. After all those other men there was once again (much later on in life) a chance at a new conquest (me)!

I could never have imagined that my spouse could be so 'sexed up', but with HB, she was.

Unfortunately it eventually wore off. Maybe my own issues of accepting the A's caused that.

It also opened my eyes as to what 'they' must have been like (and what I had missed out on) .

We live in a society were me make conscious decisions about marriage, commitment, obligations, etc.

I'm unhappy with my marriage/life/ job/ etc doesn't not excuse me cheating on a spouse that I have made a commitment to, a family that I have made with that spouse.

The Coolidge Effect theory does not excuse a person who made a conscious choice as homo sapiens sapiens to cheat.

PERIOD

True. I agree.

But the illicit allure & attraction of the opposite sex brings out the 'animal' part in us and turns off the 'thinking' part. We 'think' with what we have down there between our legs.

Waywards don't think with their brain, not of the consequences of their actions or of the feelings of those around them. Their reactions are driven by their primary feelings / sexual appetite / hormones / lust. (do you have any other description?)

They abuse the love and trust of those closest to them.

The brain functions are 'turned off'. They are 'animalistic' in their actions. Just like those damn lab rats!

It didn't only apply to rats, and the comments made by men on the various sites I read seemed to AGREE with the concept. Many admitting that they never will be satisfied by one woman no matter how great she is.

I've been saying this for years, and I didn't need to experiment with rats to know it.

Firstly, I'm not generalizing. I'm merely commenting on my experience over the years with married MEN and the behavior I'VE observed. Since I don't date women and they don't hit on me, I can't make any observations about THEM.

I've heard MANY men (including the married pigs who've tried to hit on me over the years) claim that they're basically happily married but want variety. Something new. They feel 'deprived' that they only have one woman to have sex with for the rest of their lives, and blah blah blah.

I've told this story many times here, but years ago my girlfriend suspected her husband had a profile on AdultFriendFinder. We set up a dummy account to lure in the one she thought might be husband. While we waited, over the course of almost 3 months no less than 1500 married or otherwise committed men wrote to our fake profile wanting to get together for sex. Most basically said (in one way or another) that they were content with things at home and didn't want to CHANGE their situations, they just wanted some excitement in their lives. Some sexual variety. Some spice. Something new and different.

That was an eye opener that there were 1500 married men in basically a 50 mile radius of us that were more than happy to ask strange women for sex. And those were only the ones with active profiles on AFF.

So I have to admit that this experiment is not a surprise to me at all based on all the things I've seen and heard in my over 50 years on this earth.

[This message edited by NeverAgain2013 at 5:06 AM, May 16th (Monday)]

NeverAgain2013

I've heard MANY men (including the married pigs who've tried to hit on me over the years) claim that they're basically happily married but want variety. Something new. They feel 'deprived' that they only have one woman to have sex with for the rest of their lives, and blah blah blah.

Years ago I used to bartend. You find over time that people will start to talk about their personal lives. Much like when women go to their hairdresser and pour their hearts out as they get a cut and color. My friend is one and she could tell you much about many of her customers. When I was behind the bar, not only was I regularly hit on by married men, engaged men and men with a steady GF, but there were also those who would talk about their frustrations. They would openly talk to me about their cheating ways, at times showing up with someone they were cheating with. Then show up the next time with their W or GF and I would have to bite my lip about what they were doing.

Their lady doesn't want sex, she doesn't want it often enough, she won't do the things they really wanted in bed or they just wanted something different. Variety was the spice of life to many of them. Sex was always the number one issue with my male regular customers who would sit down with a beer and start talking about their lives and what was bothering them. Always. Followed by the frustrations with their jobs, kids, bills etc.

I would openly criticize some of them about what they were doing. The W's and GF's were people I liked and felt bad about what was going on behind their backs. They deserved better. But it wasn't my place to say anything. Being a bartender you become a "therapist" to some. They pour their hearts out, you listen and perhaps offer advice. While they knew the woman they were married to or dating didn't deserve to be betrayed, they just wanted something new and different. Another notch in their belts so to speak. They never had any intention of ending their relationships, it was all about variety.

iamanidiot,

I think there is an "animalistic" trait of HB. There's the "marking your territory" aspect of it. Claiming or trying to reclaim what you see as being yours. Personally I feel as though that's a part of it for me.

Devoted man- Thanks for your posts, it is a very helpful read.

NeverAgain, how amazing that you found married men wanting sex outside of their marriage on a sex website. I am dumbfounded! Proves absolutely nothing except that some married men are going to cheat. The reason being because they want variety? Yeah, no. (true reason: they are fucked up assholes) It really amuses me how much stock you put into what OW's/AP's and wannabe cheating husbands "say" on certain websites. It seems you feel what they "say" is always truthful and reliable but any number of BS's WS's here are always almost certainly lying.

Their lady doesn't want sex, she doesn't want it often enough, she won't do the things they really wanted in bed or they just wanted something different. Variety was the spice of life to many of them. Sex was always the number one issue with my male regular customers who would sit down with a beer and start talking about their lives and what was bothering them. Always. Followed by the frustrations with their jobs, kids, bills etc.

Your customers are spilling their guts out to you but ask them if they had shared this with their ladies and 9 times out of 10, no, they aren't talking to their lady. Did you ask them what they were bringing to the table? Drunken patrons at a bar are not reliable sources of good data, MBB.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 11:26 AM, May 16th (Monday)]

over the course of almost 3 months no less than 1500 married or otherwise committed men wrote to our fake profile wanting to get together for sex.

So you waded into a cesspool and were surprised that there were pieces of shit floating around your ankles? Next you're going to tell me you went to an AA meeting and were shocked to be in the presence of alcoholics!

SisterMilkShake,

It really amuses me how much stock you put into what OW's/AP's and wannabe cheating husbands "say" on certain websites. It seems you feel what they "say" is always truthful and reliable but any number of BS's WS's here are always almost certainly lying.

What? I feel that what people say on other websites is gospel and I think members here are liars? When did I EVER come across as if I think members here are not truthful? I respect all the advice I've been given and the people who have taken their time to give it. SI and it's members have been a Godsend for me and I'm thankful I found it. I may be misreading what your conveying, but you are so wrong. I'm glad you're amused at me trying to comprehend what has happened to me. More power to you. There are many thoughts and theories floating around on the subject of infidelity, excuse me if I'm attempting to look at different angles.

Your customers are spilling their guts out to you but ask them if they had shared this with their ladies and 9 times out of 10, no, they aren't talking to their lady. Did you ask them what they were bringing to the table? Drunken patrons at a bar are not reliable sources of good data, MBB.

Tending bar was years ago first of all so there's nothing for me to ask. Secondly I'm not stupid, thank you, so please keep that in mind. And having a few drinks opens and loosens people up. They start talking and pouring their hearts out at times. I wasn't referring to them as "good data" sources, merely was relaying what had been said to me.

You seem to be quite irritated by this thread. Sorry. Members put forth questions, thoughts and ideas every day. I merely was doing the same in response to a topic that had been brought up to me.

And lastly, don't ever put out the inference that I treat BS's and WS's thoughts and advice as lies. THAT ITSELF couldn't be further from the truth and I honestly don't know where you came up with that notion. There is a member in particular who helped me ID the OW. They were able to get me her first name which led to me connecting the dots of the information I had. This was right after I joined. What that member did for me was priceless, and I will forever be grateful. That person knows who they are, and the tremendous appreciation I feel. I have asked questions of WS's in the ICR forum and have received honest, and informative answers. I know full well how hard it is for them to open up to the BS's here and attempt to help us. And my fellow BS's have shared their heartache and knowledge with me. I have nothing but respect and appreciation for them all.

Whoa, MBB. I am so sorry. We have a total misunderstanding here. If you would look closely at what I posted that whole paragraph was posted to NeverAgain and how her experience with MM on a sex website confirmed the findings of the Coolidge Effect experiment for her.

I am not irritated about this thread. I am sorry if I came across as that. I do not think you are in the least stupid, MBB. I was just pointing out that your customers, drunk or not, are not a good sampling to be able to get any kind of conclusions about how most males feel about the "new" sex thingy.

I treat BS's and WS's thoughts and advice as lies.

This was addressed to NeverAgain. And you misunderstand what I was trying to convey to her. I was saying that NeverAgain often feels that most BS's here have WS's that are, for the most part, liars. Not that BS's here are liars. I am sorry again for any misunderstanding and for having hurt or offended you, MBB.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 9:22 PM, May 16th (Monday)]

SisterMilkshake

I hear you. I guess it was a misunderstanding on both our parts. When I read that paragraph I was pissed and I'm sorry if I jumped down your throat mistakenly.

Apology accepted.

Oops! Duplicate post.

[This message edited by MalibuBayBreeze at 10:36 PM, May 16th (Monday)]