SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Honestly? Not only your husband, but also your child deserve better right now. That's the honest truth. You have serious work to do. Please wake up. That baby has one shot at life, and right you are messing it right up.

When you have children, it's an unspoken contact that you will prioritise them. I speak as someone whose father's mother left with another man and tried to put him in a children's home. I know this from my mother, as my father won't speak about it.

PS I really want to meet this guy. I am interested to see how strong his biceps must be to 'carry' a woman so pregnant she can't walk.

Secondly.

Not only did he disrespect his BW but he had an affair with you in your martial home. This guy crossed professional and personal boundaries.

I called my lover (or as they call them here, AP) today. I told him I wanted a little time to rethink the relationship. He said, very slowly and cautiously, that he would give me all the space I wanted to decide. He said that he would wait for me as long as it took. He said, "I was going to come over Tuesday and let you rest while I watched (baby's name), but if you need space I suppose I'll oblige." But he sounded very hurt. I told him that I love him more than life itself, but everything is confusing and I don't know what to do and frankly I'm too afraid to start a new life.

He said he understood. He asked me to picture our life together. Me living in his apartment with the baby. His father coming over to see the child that was named after his late mother. He said that whether I chose him or not, he was going to move forward in divorcing his wife. I asked him how I could be certain that he was really leaving her. He snapchatted me the divorce papers, filed out. He said that he was going to file the papers with the court tomorrow. Then his wife would be notified, through the court. Basically his divorce process has already begun. He said the fact that we're together would make the divorce pretty much instant, and that it's a no-fault state so there wouldn't be many penalties for us if any.

He also told me to see a doctor- aside from him- about the possibility of postpartum depression. He said it wasn't like me to be so worried and skeptical. He told me that if I wanted, he could be there with me to tell my husband about our relationship. He said if my husband kicked me out we could get an apartment together. He said he'd do absolutely anything to get me to stay with him. He said he would help pay for my lawyer if I wanted one, if I decided to leave.

I said that's all wonderful, I appreciated his endless compassion and generosity, as always. But I still wasn't sure which path I was taking. He told me to call him back if I wanted him to come over Tuesday, if I changed my mind, or if I just wanted to talk. I hung up the phone and cried.

Why does love have to be so hard??

[This message edited by DoctorsLove at 1:52 PM, April 2nd (Sunday)]

Why no feelings for your husband? Just curious as to why you chose to have a child with him.

Um do you think your BH is going to let go of his baby daughter without a fight?

The worst part of this is that sometimes, when I think about going to elope with the doctor, I don't imagine taking the baby with me. Sometimes when I look at her I feel nothing but pain, because she's a part of my marriage and my husband. I feel absolutely horrible saying that, but it's true.

Your AP is severely lacking in ethics but he may be right that you have postpartum depression. What you wrote above is NOT normal.

Please, please call your OB immediately and tell him/her that you have fantasies of abandoning your baby and you think you should be assessed for postpartum depression. PLEASE for your baby's sake.

I'm just curious.

Are you so scrupulous that there is never any hint of a trace that your affair partner has been at your house? Nothing ever amiss with the bed being made or unmade? No pillow out of place on the bed or couch? No extra glass in the sink? Do you and your husband check in while he's at work? Does he ever ask you how you spend your days? Do your neighbors notice your AP's car in your driveway?

I just find it odd that he seems to be clueless. Often times betrayed spoused can sense that something is wrong but they can't put their finger on it.

DoctorsLove

Why does love have to be so hard??

It was never ever love.

OK, the A is on hold for now.

Perhaps now you can show some honesty to your BH, the man that you do have a marriage contract with. That would be nice.

Schedule STD tests, a full panel, for yourself BH and the baby. Regular tests are needed for the next 10 years.

Please do not say that a doctor is guaranteed clean. Such is not the case. Many STDs are symptom-less for a long time after infection and some cannot be tested for in men. Incubation times can be longer than 10 years.

Your happy carefree playtime A may give your daughter cancer, destroy her fertility or even kill her. STD tests are needed.

He snapchatted me the divorce papers, filed out. He said that he was going to file the papers with the court tomorrow. Then his wife would be notified, through the court.

So your "compassionate" "tender" doctor hasn't even told his wife that he wants a divorce. He is going to talk to her or let her know? Just drop her like a piece of trash without so much as a goodbye?

What happens when he falls in "love" with another one of his patients?

Your warm compassionate lover is going to file for divorce from his wife and let the courts notify her? This man asked this woman to be his wife, had a life with her. He loved her. Loved her enough to marry her. And his way of ending things is to file for divorce without even giving her the heads up and to let the courts tell her?

Beyond the fact that this is a stone cold move that your AP is capable and willing to do, he is also willing to be there willingly while you destroy the heart of your own husband. Warm and compassionate my fucking ass.

I told my lover this once, and he held me and gripped my arms and said, very seriously, "Whether or not you want the baby in our lives is your choice. If you don't feel that you can be a good mother to her, it might be best to leave her with... HIM. (referring to my husband) But you know I will love her and care for her as my own. You need to take your time to decide something this important. It might not be you talking. It might be the depression."

He snapchatted me the divorce papers, filed out. He said that he was going to file the papers with the court tomorrow. Then his wife would be notified, through the court.

dream guy.

"He stayed with me for eight hours, massaging my head and neck, giving me excedrin, and ice packs."

Not a doctor here, but I was told when pregnant that Excedrin is NOT safe for pregnant women and unborn babies. Are you sure he is actually a Doctor? Or just playing one for this fantasy? That, in addition to his questionable medical ethics makes me wonder.

He gave me the aspirin free version. Don't worry, he knew what he was doing. I miss him already. I really do. I think I may end up confessing to my husband this week... maybe. I'm thinking about it. I have so many rash thoughts and ideas lately. What's wrong with me?

It's called "fog". An affair releases chemicals in the brain similar to drugs. This man is your drug and you are hooked.

WW here. Stop signs are really important at this stage.

This reminds me of one of those horrible tragic stories....the woman allowing her child to be abused just to keep a boyfriend.

Except you are the child abuser. You are more worried about your affair partner than about your baby. Snap out of this and be a mother.

I have a friend who's life with her husband has been devoid of love and affection for many years. Her relationship with her teen is a wreck. She took off this weekend and has started a whirlwind romance with another man. According to her, this new person is all that she ever dreamed of. It's all so much distraction. But I cannot help but feel she is so deluded.

You've not spoken about your husband as much as your AP. Does he not see what you are going through? Does he look at you and see a joyous new mother? Does he think you are suffering from postpartum if you withdraw from him?

Is it always postpartum depression? Are there other things that could occur? Postpartum

delusions? Euphoria?

PS I really want to meet this guy. I am interested to see how strong his biceps must be to 'carry' a woman so pregnant she can't walk.

You seem desperate for a Knight in shining armor. And there are lots of them out there. But at the end of the day the are just men who want to be viewed as a knight in shining armor. And you are probably someone who bases their self worth on being saved. If you think that because a doctor saves you, you are more valued, you are wrong. Savers are gonna save.

Be a paper bag princess and save yourself.

DoctorsLove

If you don't mind me asking how old are you?

...and please include other pertinent details - like how long married? How long dating? Even why you married your husband.

My first thought about this post...this guy is not who you think he is. His words and actions are a bit off. He may have worked at that clinic, but the things you have said about your encounters do not sound like a medical doctor. He is unprofessional and unethical for sure. Young doctors have to work their asses off and I really do not see any of the ones we knew at that age getting that much time off. And at that age? He's not going to have a huge amount of money. He works for a hospital? Even the hospitalists we know are not GP's. They are advanced internists. Have you been to his office or seen him in his office setting since that first encounter?