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If he says he will stop contact without understanding what he did was wrong, he is just going through the motions. Does he understand that he has hurt you?

emails span back 15 years. special email dedicated only to her. he left the email open by accident. I obviously didnt get a chance to read all the emails but most were graphic and there were pics from both sides

If hes been in touch with her for 15 years of course he has feelings for her. There is no denying that.

"I will stop talking to her " is just cheatspeak for "Im going to get more creative in my contact with her". Unless he can prove to you that hes not contacting her then its just words. Watch his actions , not his words.

I still dont understand how its possible for him to still have feelings. she broke his heart. if anything he should hate her no?

Apparently, the relationship never ended.

So sorry. You've been living a lie.

What do you plan to do moving forward?

trying to work things out. he stopped contacting her.

Of course its possible to still have feelings..to still love.. someone who broke your heart. There's a forum, the reconciliation forum, filled with people who still love someone who broke their heart. You still love your husband, even though he cheated on you,right?

Love doesn't end because of a broken heart.

And with fifteen years of contact, your husband has been feeding his feelings for this OW.

Have you told her husband?

I did not tell her husband bc it never became physical. dont want to make a fool of myself. he may think their relationship was no big deal.

I have telephone contact with my EXH twice a year. He is the father of my children and I now live in the USA 3.5000 miles away. My son and granddaughter are still in the UK.

We speak about presents for the kids birthday's and Christmas, exchanging money amounts so we avoid the exchange rate, ask how each other's families are, that's it.

I do this IN FRONT of my WH and he still thinks I'm having an affair with him. Deflecting much? LOL. Yet he physically cheated on me with my now EX BFF. Tackle him more, read all the e-mails while he is sitting with you. See how he reacts would be what I would do. Hugs to you.

Your husband is cheating by hiding communication.

I dont understand how it is possible for him to still have feeĺings for her. she broke his heart. if anything he sure hate her no? and how could he have married me if he still had feelings for another?

I called off a wedding about two months before the date. I broke my fiance's heart. My ex called me for almost 30 years professing undying love even though he married someone else.

He still thinks I was the love of his life. Me - I barely remember what he looked like and can't even remember having any feelings for him.

If I'd ever given him the time of day I have no doubt he would have dashed to my side. But I NEVER gave him even a friendly hello. People who heard me answer the phone (not knowing who I was talking to) would say "Who were you being so rude to?"

I can't tell you how many times I moved back and forth across the country and changed phone numbers. He would always manage to track me down. Since I now only have a cell phone he no longer can track me via a land line.

[This message edited by Oftencheatedon at 9:09 AM, December 15th (Friday)]

he may think their relationship was no big deal.

Seriously? Do you think it's no big deal? She is sending nude pics to your spouse. I'm sure if he knew that he would decide it's a big freaking deal.

You are trying to mimize this and believe him. I get the want in that, however, you need to prepare for the worst, and hope for the best, and in doing so you need to take a few actions to protect yourself.

This has gone on your entire relationship, just because he says he won't contact her anymore, doesn't mean he won't. You already know he is a liar.

Actions are where it counts.

You need to put a keylogger on his computer.

You need to demand full access to that email. (If he hasn't already deleted everything).

You need to protect yourself, by getting full on STD tests. I know you want to believe this wasn't physical, but 15 years of emails tells me otherwise.

You need to decide what you are going to do if he reaches out to her again, and again, because experience tells me he will.

I'm not trying to crush you, but you need to be honest with yourself. Like Dr Phil says, "The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior". This is the most true statement I have ever read.

I would also push him to get tested, if he hasn't slept with her, he would hop at the chance to prove he is clean. If he fights, that's good indicator he hasn't been truthful yet.

Consider seeing a lawyer, and learning your right, and his obligations, should you need to S or D.

Keep reading and posting here.

(((And Strength))))

Default Posted: 8:47 AM, December 15th (Friday), 2017 View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I still dont understand how its possible for him to still have feelings. she broke his heart. if anything he should hate her no?

How does this cheating make you feel? Are you heartbroken, angry?

Don’t you still have feelings for your spouse?

His feelings don’t have 15 years of marriage tied to them. Meaning he never had a real life with the fantasy. He gets to pretend what may have been.

I do know one thing. The nature of this fantasy has prevented him from being 100% vested emotionally and intimately with you.

IAHQ,

You want your H. You want your M. Fight for it.

You fight for it by listening to the experience of the folks her and taking the steps they suggest. Their advice is meant to give you knowledge and empower you. But you have to have the courage to act. Do you want to fight for your M?

15 seconds and I might say "oops, you made a mistake..." 15 minutes and you made a choice to keep reading. 15 hours and you are in pretty deep. 15 days and there is no turning back. 15 weeks and you are well on your way to a relationship. 15 months and you're committed. 15 years? YEARS. Sexting. He's cheating and I doubt it is just a phone exchange. Cheaters lie. I would not believe a word he says as the proof is in 15 years of disrespect, lying and abuse. The problem is you don't want to believe it.

[This message edited by SimplyRed at 12:01 PM, December 15th (Friday)]

it was sporadic throughout the 15 years though

iamharlequin,

I can’t believe you said you didn’t tell the other woman’s husband because it “was not physical”. Had my wife sent that amount of pictures and had a 15 year emotional affair with graphic conversations I would divorce her.

You sound very naive and and enabler. That is probably why your husband felt comfortable cheating on you. He knew you would not react.

This is cheating 100%

How do you think your husband would like it if you told another man for years how you wanted him inside if you, sent him pictures of you naked, and tod him you dream of him while making love to the moron you live with. As a man I can assure you I would not like it.

Please wake up. You are frustrating me.

[This message edited by JC109 at 2:35 PM, December 15th (Friday)]

I just have to trust when he tells me he loves me and that girl was just a fun pasttime.

I would be all of the above if I found my W was sexting with someone. I would call it a PA if she masturbated to that someone's sexting. I would call it an EA and be devastated if I found she was fantasizing about an XBF while having sex with me.

How do you feel about this? Sad? Angry? Scared? Ashamed?

Note - there's no good reason for a BS to be shamed by a WS's cheating, but it's common; it may even be universal.

I am sorry. I think you are a troll.

I am done with this thread.

huh? why do you think im trolling? bc I am willing to forgive my husband?