SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Agree with everyone, child needs to be in IC...and if she is older, she probably already knows what her Dad was doing in the garage.

I can't remember but does your WH know that his daughter saw them?

If so, hopefully he feels disgraced and ashamed.

Does your ex friend know as well? I would be telling her hubby and everyone who knows her what type of woman that is!

Have you asked your daughter if her dad encouraged her to outright lie or just keep it between them? I am so afraid for her mental well being after such a huge betrayal.

My daughter has told me everything she saw. Donna with her pants off, bare ass. She immediately came to me. She didnt see them togetger or them have time to dtop her before she came up.

You keep saying "she didn't see them together".

In your first post you said, "bit of a back story, my daughter walked in on them BOTH in the garage at one of our house parties, and my friend had her catsuit all the way down with pants around her ankles".

It does NOT matter that your daughter didn't actually see them in the act (kissing, having sex etc). Go back and read my last post. Imagine if it was you that walked in and saw this?

You can't change what has already transpired, but this is no longer about your piece of shit husband, your so called cheating friend, the OBS or YOU!!!!

THIS IS ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER from here on out!!

What are you going to do about it?

If nothing than you are part of the problem.

Please answer these questions.

Do you truly grasp how serious this is what your daughter witnessed and what she's going through and if not dealt with can screw up her life moving forward?

I could tell you horror stories of the past 2 years since my teen discovering her father's affair.

I could type a list of self destructive behaviors she's exhibited.

And she "just" saw texts and photos [that were quasi pornographic]. Your baby saw it in the flesh. In her home. A place where she was supposed to be safe and she saw her daddy who is supposed to protect her above all else.

A nude [IDGAF if that word is preceded with semi, partially, etc.] woman with her father will scar her for life.

Get that girl some help ASAP. Even if she claims not to want it. And frankly, you have no idea what she has repressed - trauma brain + youth. I can almost guarantee that as she ages and becomes wise - she'll have flashbacks that take on a whole new meaning.

I can not stress this enough. Please, listen to those of us who have BTDT. Listen to those of us who have children who's lives have been forever altered. Listen to those of us who'd give anything for our babies not to have been affected by this.

Please.

Hey Rose,

It doesn't matter if your DD interrupted them before or after sex,

For her it matters that she seen her father in a compromising situation. This will definitely have some lasting damage in her future,

Your Shitty H & equally Shitty Ex best friend don't even come up on the radar, Only your DD,

I feel for you I really do, I understand you want answers but honestly at this moment in time it has to be about your DD

good luck

So i got the admission. After trick8ng her she told me she gave him oral sex, yes her catsuit was off. Hubby got home and now cornered said they had intercourse.

Done

I'm sorry, Rosepetal. I'm not surprised but I also know how much the truth can hurt. Be sure to inform OBS (other betrayed spouse) of your new revelations and please please take care of yourself. That means eating, drinking, getting some sleep and exercising if you can manage it. You also need to get tested for STDs.

((Rosepetal))

I'm sorry you're in this mess. You did nothing to deserve this. You are 50% responsible for marriage issues but he is 100% responsible for his decision to cheat.

Inform the OW's husband.

Get tested for STDs. Symptoms can lay dormant for months.

See your doctor for help with sleeping and anxiety.

Insist on a timeline subject to a polygraph test. Inform him that while D is possible, any further lying will certainly result in D.

Who knows what your daughter really witnessed in the garage that night. I'm not calling her a liar but given this new revelation there's a damn good probability she saw this woman giving her father oral.

I know you're pissed and upset about your H and your marriage. When you decided (and were blessed) to have children your primary role was to protect them at all cost.

Please get her into IC ASAP!!!!

You haven't addressed any questions or comments about your daughter witnessing this.

Ok so you're "done" with your marriage (and rightfully so) but if you could PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE that you understand how SERIOUS this is about your daughter???

It's been pointed out to you that kids in this type of traumatic situation could potentially commit suicide.

Her world is about to blow up and trust me there's a part of her that's going to think it's her fault.

Your daughter NEEDS professional help and this is outside your area of expertise. GET HER THE HELP SHE NEEDS!!!

I am making a big deal about this because my sister in law went through this EXACT situation when she was a kid. It was never dealt with and yrs later she killed herself.

So I ask you again to PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE that you understand how serious this??????

My son developed a full plan to commit suicide at age 12. He had it written out. He had a plan to drink bleach

He exhibited all the signs.

Withdrawal from family and friends

Isolation

Not eating

Research on how to kill himself

Written plan

He told one person and this person went to the principal.

My son was in therapy. He had support. Adultery and catching it is too much for their little innocent souls.

[This message edited by Iwantmyglasses at 7:16 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]

I am sorry you are hurting but it is better to know than wonder. Have you asked how long it has been going on? Has the OBS been informed of the latest confessions?

In this order:

* IC appointment for your beautiful daughter

* Out them to OBS [and give no warning]

* STD testing for yourself

* IC appointment for yourself

* Consult an attorney [no pressure to decide anything but you should be aware of your rights - most offer a free consultation]

NOTE: please tell your daughter you find her brave in a circumstance she should have never had to find herself in. In fact - move this to the top of the list.

So these last two days have had to be filled with turmoil for you. How are you doing? Is he moving out? How are you handling this with the kids? How especially is your daughter? Others her have shared their own experiences about the trauma of infidelity on a child who finds out. Read their stories several times.

Here is mine: after my mother died when I was 8, he remarried very quickly and my new stepmother legally adopted me. Then a few years later he started cheating on her. They separated and at age 12 I found out the reason. As my own adolescence was starting. Not only did my adopted new mom divorce him, but he then married the OW. You can imagine the hell my teen years were. And I did not have the complicating factor of witnessing any infidelity and then having to tell my adopted mom. That would have made it orders of magnitude worse.

When your daughter sat quietly on your bed summoning the courage to tell you, she must have felt so scared and confused. She must have debated within herself what to do, and worried about the consequences. She is probably re-living that all the time. And may now be blaming herself for the marital discord and her father being in such trouble. But she did the right thing, and needs IC NOW to help reinforce that.

Hi, rose, we all understand how the truth hurts.

However, you deserve the entire truth to make an informed decision about your marriage and your future.

I agree with the others, your daughter needs counseling asap.

Right now focus on you and your daughter. Everything else can be put on the shelf temporarily.

Also meet with your MD for STD testing, if you need temporary medications to help you cope, many of us have been down that road.

I'm sorry.

Polygraph or divorce. Let him choose

Polygraph or divorce. Let him choose

Rosepetal2,

How are you? Sending you hugs.

(((Rosepetal2)))

Not great. Had a huge blowout tonight which i think was more dramatic due to staying numb and calm all day as the kids were home.

My mind is all over the place. I get i need to help my daughter i honestly do but please tell me its ok to not have to make a decision yet on what I'm going to do. One minute i am so angry and the next calm ot emotional because i think we could somehow save this.

The kids dont know he did anything as such. Obviously my daughter has that image of that sluts rear which I'll get her councilling for, but they have no clue that dzddy may leave and its tearing me apart having xo many thoughts and conflicted ideas.

Please tell me itd normal to feel like this immediately after.

It is absolutely normal, if that word can apply to this situation, to feel just like you do right now. Take a breath. You're doing fine.

It is also okay for you to take some time to decide. What you really need, I think, is for your WH to respect you enough now to tell you the whole truth. He has been lying to you for 9 months. Tell him you need the full story now. What led up to this? Were they texting, flirting, etc. before this? Was this the only time? Did she truly out of nowhere have sex with him in your garage that night with no preamble, no weeks of texting and flirting, no talking inappropriately before this? I'd ask him to give you a complete timeline of all of his conversations and encounters with her before and since the Halloween party.

It is certainly possible you can recover from this if you want to and he gets a better attitude about this but I think it is imperative that you know what it is you are recovering from and being asked to forgive.

Again, take your time, as much as you need. Don't let him bully you to "Get over it". Decide on your own from a position of full knowledge of what has happened in our life.