SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I say always trust your gut, however, my gut has been very wrong....clearly as I had no inclination that he was cheating-for so long- and there were multiple red flags over the years, and still, my gut didn't speak to me at all. I believed in him and I was wrong to.

I don't know how to feel about what my gut tells me now, I don't trust it because I couldn't rely on it before. As for have they done it before, of course they all will say they never cheated before, but many will have. Down deep, I believe mine has at the very least tried to cheat before, if he didn't actually cheat. OBS said that AP said that he told her he cheated many times, my gut tells me that is a lie because beside the fact that she lies continuously, it really isn't something my WH would share with anyone else-of course it turns out I didn't really know my WH as well as I thought so I could be very wrong.

Whether he has cheated before or during his A with AP, I will never know unless someone comes out of the wood work and confesses to me, but honestly, my gut does tell me that there is a really good chance that he has. If I ever find out for sure that he did and he continued to lie to me about it though, we will be finished. It won't be because he cheated before- because I consider the old M dead and buried and this a new M, which a better be changed H, it will be because he continued to lie about it. That will be the ultimate betrayal and I would never be able to continue in what I consider to be the new M and finding out he continued to lie. Lying is a deal breaker in the new M.

ShutterHappy

I like this thinking though. We've all had multiple opportunities to cheat, and some of us may even have wanted to (George Clooney) but we didn't, because that's not who we are. Once a WS proves that IS who they are, I just have trouble thinking it was the only time. Add in gut feelings on multiple occasions before DDay, even just a "this doesn't make sense" feeling and not jumping to the conclusion of an A at the time, is now just too much. Maybe there were only past EA's, maybe WS pursued but an A never happened...whatever, I can't think he was ever anything other than a wayward waiting to happen. Or a wayward between AP's. It would be different if I had never had/ignored those doubts in the past, but I did. And WS just doesn't deserve the benefit of the doubt anymore.

Sorry for the cynicism. But that's where I'm at now.

It would be different if I had never had/ignored those doubts in the past, but I did. And WS just doesn't deserve the benefit of the doubt anymore.

Sorry for the cynicism. But that's where I'm at now.

I'm right there with you. I ignored those doubts and all the red flags, rather I buried my head in the sand not wanting to confirm my suspicions. I was too afraid of the pain. Dumb move on my part.

The gut. How I wish I had listened. It tried to reach me in my sleep when nearly every time I dreamt of him it was that he was cheating. I'd wake myself up from actually crying.

So many here say they don't know why but all of a sudden they needed to check a phone. A tablet. Messages. It was their gut nudging them. Somewhere inside them there was some doubt going on causing them to look. Even in some who had great marriages and were blindsided by what they found when they looked.

My XWH had me almost convinced that the timeline of his multiple partners was the truth (about 14 months total and it's what I could prove). Then after I left him, I was told about him trying to hook up with the young adult daughter of some of our friends which was certainly before that timeline, so I now just believe it was the whole time because that's easier and probably much more likely.

Granted this isn't a scientific survey but it seems like almost everybody that's responded, their gut wasn't wrong or it wasn't the first time.

My thinking and needing to know this is if it was a one time thing I can forgive her. But if it's instead a pattern this means it probably won't stop.

Background this affair was a year and a half long. But the warning signs - early and late messaging, working out, focus on appearance make up, etc - go back about a year before this one started.

I would think everyone WS is different to a certain extent.

On dday 1, my WW admitted to a ONS prior to marriage, but denied the PA I had evidence of. She quickly changed her tune and admitted to the recent PA.

I've asked her why she admitted to the ONS and not the PA. She told me she was simply blindsided and wasn't thinking straight.