SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

HA, I have been following your thread from day one, and it is really nice to see your progress. Keep up the good work!

Hello everyone. Another quick update. I went to see a local psychic for the first time ever in my life last night. It's not normally my cup of tea, but my sister suggested it and I figured what the hell. At $50 for 30 minutes, I'll get some entertainment if nothing else. My WWs sisters both came along as well, and one of them also got a reading.

So I went in skeptical as ever, but have to admit this guy was able to call out some things which I have no idea how he did it. I didn't give anything but my first name in advance and paid via cash at the door. Before I had barely said a word, he told me I had not been intimate with a woman in quite a while and saw that I had been cheated on - at least twice according to him. So naturally I'm intrigued at this point. He sort of bounced around a lot of topics and gave a lot of interesting info. Things like I was destined to visit at least 3 other countries in my lifetime, that I would eventually end up saving another persons's life, and that I was only meant to have 3 children, so the 4th was a gift from God and was here to teach me a special lesson.

Oh, the most positive thing that came out of it for me was that he said I had not yet met my true soul mate but that I would and promised me I would not die alone. He also said "don't worry you'll get to have sex again". I had to laugh at that one, and breath a sigh of relief. Whew! The other funny thing is that he stared me directly in the eyes when we were talking about WW and said "why would you allow someone to disrespect you that way and still want them in your life"? It was surprising to me that he took that approach. You would think that someone out just to make a buck would reassure you that things were gonna work out and tell you what you wanted to hear. He seemed fairly certain that WW and I were done for good, and recommended I get on with my life, reach out to friends and family, and trust in God. Have to admit, this guy impressed me.

So for anyone thinking about visiting a psychic, I would say go for it. If nothing else, it's nice to have some sort of hope to cling onto, no matter how far fetched it might be. Also, funny enough, the very same night I found out WW got in a huge fight with OM over how paranoid and controlling he has been with her. Any time she goes out w/o him, he's constantly texting, making phone calls, and in general acting like a paranoid dick. I heard all this from one of her sisters, who actually heard her say "if he pulls this shit next weekend, I'm done". She has a girls weekend out planned next weekend with her sister and will be out of town for 3 days. So much faster than I anticipated, things are starting to really fall apart.

I saw her briefly today while picking up my youngest and she was all smiles so I assume they made up, but I'm sure it won't last long. This guy had his own WW bail on 14 years of M for his own brother, then go completely lights out on him and he never even really got closure. Then he hooks up with a woman who has a known history of cheating on her H multiple times. Yeah, I don't see the paranoia going away any time soon. She tried fishing around the other day, checking to see if there was any possibility she could ever move back in. I didn't go near that thought with a 10 foot pole. She hasn't pushed it but gets me thinking I need to get those D papers filed before things really hit the fan and she goes into desperation mode.

Anyway, that's the latest from me. Hope everyone has a nice weekend and Father's Day. I'm taking my kids to a movie tomorrow, then down to sis's house to swim. Should be fun.

she is all smiles infront of you to save the face, the thing is you know about her relation with OM deyails because it are/were informed to you because she wanted. When she was chesting nobody knew nothing, now everibody does know everything... stop fishing, next time anyone starts informing you about WW life cut the conversation amd let them know is not you problem.

OM is paranoid because she may be cheating on him...

Get the D papers ASAP and stop spending time with WW

Good luck

[This message edited by Mrhealed at 4:41 AM, June 21st (Sunday)]

Info on her life from the sisters and hanging with the sisters..I'd out a stop to that IMO.

You want to detach, while I'm sure you talk about other stuff with the sisters, conversation must mostly turn back to her and to be frank, you really don't know if the info you're getting is correct. Already you're being told OM is paranoid etc, next thing she's probing to see if she can move back.

If you're D or getting ready to file, play your cards close to your chest. They maybe your friends/support but blood is blood, and didn't you say your WW is having a GNO with one of the sisters...you think the won't talk about you?

You want the maximize the best outcome for yourself in the divorce. That means keeping all info to yourself as you move forward.

sorry for typos

The other funny thing is that he stared me directly in the eyes when we were talking about WW and said "why would you allow someone to disrespect you that way and still want them in your life"?

Whether that came from a psychic, a fortune cookie, or a Cracker Jack box, it still has the same amount of truth to it than from any reputable source.

Do not be afraid to revisit that question whenever you are having doubts about your resolve.

Thanks for the update. I agree, file quickly. Best wishes

Thanks for the update. I agree, file quickly. Best wishes

Hey HA, that sounded like a really fun outing. Whether the psychic is truly clairvoyant or not, I imagine they've seen and heard enough of heartbreak tales to know what the typical human response is to such turmoil and what their outcomes usually tend to be. Yours gave you good insight on not letting people like your WW disrespect you the way she did. In our normal day to day existance we maintain boundaries of respect with those in our lives and those we cross paths with, but we have to be careful who we let into our hearts because it was from there that person gains the most respect at first but also the benefit of doubt which fed into our blind unconditional love for her. A good woman of authentic character really understands this and would never take advantage of that special place she would hold in your heart. Your WW only realized what she could benefit for herself by being in that sacred place and took as much as she could to fill her own void, and you know that one massive hole in her soul. One thing that is psychic can't lie about is that there is someone out there much MUCH better than your STBXW. This website is full of BW's who upheld their marital vows so you know better women out there exist.

File, like yesterday.

Are your STBXW's sisters single and cute?

Are your STBXW's sisters single and cute?

Happy, you dirty dog. Nice thought, but neither is single. They're both somewhat cute but I always thought I had the best looking one of the bunch, not that it means much now, since I landed the crazy one it seems. Her one sister has been happily married for over 20 years. The other has bounced around a couple of times and actually pulled the same shit a few years ago, walking out on a guy she was living with for 6 years and moved right in with another dude. In her defense, the guy was a pretty big loser, they had no kids together and were not married. The guy she is with now is an all around better person and she's been with him for several years now, but I didn't agree with how she handled things.

So no, I won't be seeking any romantic partners in that family again. There are plenty of choices in women without making family things even more fucked up than they already are.

Quick update. Today wasn't too bad. WW has been mostly out of contact since last Friday. Couple of quick texts about kids and that's it. I get the impression her and OM got into a big fight about the time she was spending either with me or talking to me and she has pulled back. Guess it's a good thing because I was about ready to go back to min contact myself. Realized that seeing her on even a semi-regular basis at this point is making it hard to move on. Just too soon. So as of now, it's been 5 days with bare min contact and overall doing pretty well. It does get easier with time.

Went to see that new movie Jurrasic World with my boys yesterday. Great show, but there's a part right in the middle where a young boy realizes his parents are getting divorced and starts to cry to his older brother. I just about lost it. Damn triggers everywhere. And my boys told me that mom had been to see the same movie couple days earlier and apparently walked out. Her excuse was it was too boring. When that scene came up, I immediately knew why she left. No doubt in my mind she had a breakdown. Ugh. How can these WS ruin our lives and our kids lives, get practically everything that they say they wanted, yet still be having problems moving on? Why would you make a decision that deliberately hurts everyone in your life, including yourself? In spite of all her apparent disillusionment with OM and depression over lack of time with kids, WW has still never expressed any true remorse. I don't get it, and probably never will. Not that I want her back at this point, but the whole situation is so crazy. Guess I would feel just a little bit better if I thought she had some basic level of remorse for how bad she hurt me.

IMO she have a lot of remorse but cant show it to you as it it accepting her wrong doings and that she si mistaken about persuong OMs.

It just wont happen. She needs to prove to her and eveybody else that she made the rogth choice.

Well, she may her b d I hope she likes.lying pn it.

Great you are back to min contact. Avoid any unecessary contact amd dont lwt anybody give you any peace of news about WW. Not your monkey not your circus

I get the impression her and OM got into a big fight about the time she was spending either with me or talking to me and she has pulled back.

Not to be harsh but you really don't know this. This scenerio involves them fighting and them fighting because of you when it really might not be the case.

She's doing it because she can and she has. You two have children, she should be talking to them whenever she wants to, but she chooses not to. That speaks volumes.

So if you want to truly heal and detach, take yourself out of those imagined scenerios because they only set you up for disappointment later on.

Thanks for the update!

How are the boys doing?

Best wishes

hurtnalone

I hope you laughed when I mentioned your SIL's.

Hoping for a remorseful wife or apology is ok.

Waiting for one is a bad idea.

Just the fact that your wife could leave you and the boys for not one but two OM just goes to show you F'd her head is right now.

I will say it again. There is a high infidelity/divorce rate of couples with special needs children.

Your only course of action is to move forward.

Minimum contact will be best for you and probably for her as well.

You sound better now. Stronger.

HM

Also, funny enough, the very same night I found out WW got in a huge fight with OM over how paranoid and controlling he has been with her. Any time she goes out w/o him, he's constantly texting, making phone calls, and in general acting like a paranoid dick. I heard all this from one of her sisters, who actually heard her say "if he pulls this shit next weekend, I'm done". She has a girls weekend out planned next weekend with her sister and will be out of town for 3 days. So much faster than I anticipated, things are starting to really fall apart.

Karma Karma Karma. Ha Ha. Remember, when it comes down to it, the OW/OM gets your spouse and that ends up being their penance. They get a lying cheater who is capable of breaking up a family on a whim. What a prize! Looks like it didn't take OM that long to figure out what he has gotten himself into. Poor OM.... NOT!!! Karma Bus.. BEEP BEEP.

Thanks Happy and everyone else for the thoughts. I'm not waiting for or expecting an apology. If one ever comes, I'll be more shocked than anyone and probably won't care by that point. Regarding imagined scenarios, I know that she has has fights with OM about time spent with me or talking to me. She's admitted it on more than one occasion, and I also hear from her sisters. But yeah, probably doesn't help me to sit around wondering.

I'm doing my best to try and move on. It's hard really trying to let go and accept that things are over. I guess I'm committed to moving on regardless, and hoping that my heart eventually catches up with my brain. I know what I need to do but I don't feel it yet. Love is a bitch.

Great show, but there's a part right in the middle where a young boy realizes his parents are getting divorced and starts to cry to his older brother.

I watched the movie twice with my boys. Once with my fiance and her son, and again on father's day with just me, my boys and my dad. My boys loved the movie. They didn't flinch on that particular scene and I was more concerned it would have an impact on them when they first saw it. Instead, it appears the strengthening bond between the two brothers since realizing the divorce had more impact as my boys have been nicer to each other since seeing the movie. The theme of divorce is common in a lot of spielberg's movies. He himself was a child of divorced parents at 19.

How can these WS ruin our lives and our kids lives, get practically everything that they say they wanted, yet still be having problems moving on? Why would you make a decision that deliberately hurts everyone in your life, including yourself? In spite of all her apparent disillusionment with OM and depression over lack of time with kids, WW has still never expressed any true remorse. I don't get it, and probably never will. Not that I want her back at this point, but the whole situation is so crazy. Guess I would feel just a little bit better if I thought she had some basic level of remorse for how bad she hurt me.

Two words, selfishness and cowardice. Too selfish to think of others and the impact their selfish actions have on them, and once realizing that impact and damage too much of a coward to own it and seek forgiveness. When you think about it, you don't ever want to grow old with a selfish coward. You would always be on your guard and hiding your shit.

It's been several days so wanted to post an update. Emotionally it's been a lot better lately. I found a book online called "Stop Your Divorce" by Homer McDonald. He's a relationship expert with over 35 years experience and has saved thousands of marriages. Even if you don't want to save the M, there is a lot of very good self help advice. I'm on my 2nd time through reading it. Has changed my perspective on how to be happy with my life.

My WW seems to be having more second thoughts all the time. She has been reaching out much more often with calls and wanting to do things with the kids as a family. Sometimes I entertain it, sometimes I don't. I know the prevailing wisdom around here is NC or absolute min contact, but my take is that is to protect the BS emotionally. I've reached a point where I'm not nearly as impacted by her so I'm comfortable taking a call. If nothing else, I have decided we are going to be friends with each other, assuming things stay friendly through the divorce. Yes, I'm flying right in the face of conventional wisdom again. But my life, I gotta decide what's right for me.

I have started talking with a couple of different women who I've met through local groups and my church. Just talking now but I'm open to going on friendly dates. I'm in NO rush to have anything serious for quite some time but it's nice meeting new people and it does give you a nice boost of self confidence knowing that other women are potentially interested in you as a romantic partner. If nothing else, I'm hoping to make new friends. I've been very clear right off the bat that I'm not interested in a serious relationship right now. I'm sure I just committed another cardinal sin, as everyone warns about dating too soon. I'm aware of the reasons they say it, and I'm not worried about me being in a rebound. If I get the impression these women are getting serious, I'll have a conversation or end it before anyone gets hurt.

Finally, I've started attending a local self help group for people with co-dependency issues. Now, I would have never labeled myself that way but after the first meeting, I had to admit, maybe I am. So I'll try that for a while and hopefully it helps me with working through my own issues.

Think that's about it for now. Now excuse me as I prepare my bunker for the avalanche of critical advice coming my way. Happy July 4th weekend everyone.