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OnMyFeet ( member #21650) posted at 3:43 AM on Tuesday, December 30th, 2008
Although I'm glad I showed better restraint that I thought I could, I wish I would've lashed out at him more the night I found out. I also wish I would've driven to their hotel and kicked her fat ass. I never got that anger all the way out.
Me BS: 42
Him FWH: 42
Status: R
Finallyawake ( member #21554) posted at 2:36 PM on Tuesday, December 30th, 2008
I wish I had started the 180 much earlier. I consistently told her my requirements to stay married. No contact, IC and MC with complete, open communication.
She chose to continue the affair and has not been remorseful except in very short bursts. I just want her gone so I can rebuild my life for me and our boys. No marriage is worth staying in with this kind of behavior.
My IC told me that I could stay married to her as long as I behaved the way my wife wants me to and allowed her to continue her behavior. She said this only to highlight that this situation and her behavior are unlikely to change and that I have to make a decision now because I will only have to make the same decision much later when my two sons are teenagers and much more susceptible to damage from her actions.
We used to go to her for MC so my IC has a history with my W and knows her well enought to point this out. I wish I would have listened earlier.
On my own and a better man for it
NumbForNow ( member #20609) posted at 12:23 AM on Wednesday, December 31st, 2008
I ain't taking shit off no one, baby that was yesterday...
*Sheryl Crow*
drowninginsorrow ( member #4545) posted at 4:19 PM on Wednesday, December 31st, 2008
bump 
Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.- Matt Groening
"I've found the secret to life. I'm ok when everything is not ok"- Tori Amos lyrics
ThoughtIKnewYa ( member #18449) posted at 11:09 PM on Wednesday, December 31st, 2008
ThoughtIKnewYa ( member #18449) posted at 8:24 PM on Thursday, January 1st, 2009
caribou ( member #21852) posted at 2:17 AM on Saturday, January 3rd, 2009
bump for the newbies.
Can we get this in the healing library?? Please mods.
Me- BS 40 yrs
D-Day 29 Sept 08
"When dealing with a cake-eater you close the bakery" - Catwoman
11yrsbetrayed ( new member #21344) posted at 3:20 AM on Saturday, January 3rd, 2009
I wish I hadnt fallen for his lines. I wish I hadnt decided to become a SAHM. I am glad I got to be with my kids but now i am trapped. I wish I had had the guts to confront him all the times my inner voice was sceaming at me that he was cheating. I wish I had more strength all these years, it would of saved me so much heartache.
BS (me) 31
SA-WH (him) 37
3 kids (9,7,4)
M 12 years
D-Day 8/9/08-Cheating the whole marriage, EVERY type you can think of. DDay#4,789 (at least is seems that way) 4/30/09: secret yahoo acount and 3 ads on Craigslist. I'm really done now!
caribou ( member #21852) posted at 8:40 AM on Sunday, January 4th, 2009
Me- BS 40 yrs
D-Day 29 Sept 08
"When dealing with a cake-eater you close the bakery" - Catwoman
ThoughtIKnewYa ( member #18449) posted at 4:50 PM on Thursday, January 8th, 2009
***bump***
LostatSea4 ( member #21497) posted at 5:19 PM on Thursday, January 8th, 2009
Wish I would have found this site sooner so I wasn't so whiney and needy during D-Day.
Wish I would have drawn a line in the sand from Day 1 and placed boundaries.
REPEAT: Please do not do what I did and let your WS become a cake eater/fence sitter. 5 months out he still hasn't jumped either way.
R takes not one but two!
BS-me WS-him
Too many to talk about.
ThoughtIKnewYa ( member #18449) posted at 7:00 PM on Saturday, January 10th, 2009
gma56 ( member #19595) posted at 7:09 PM on Saturday, January 10th, 2009
Protect your money ! Do it before filing ! Mine wiped me out before I knew what was happening, actually before he started A, several years before. Small changes at a time. That was marital money he spent on the women ! 
BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.
jolene ( member #17993) posted at 8:14 PM on Monday, January 12th, 2009
Divorced 10/2013! Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!
badlyhurting ( member #18915) posted at 4:58 PM on Friday, January 16th, 2009
Just bumping for all the new people who are arriving.
Read this and follow!
I did not and truly regret it.
Don't hurt yourself over a long period of time...a WS either gets it or they don't. Walk away sooner rather than later and they will follow if they figure out how much damage they have done, come out of the fog, and truly want to fix your relationship.
Me - 37 BW
Him - 50 WX/Sperm Donor
5 beautiful children
Dday 10/29/07 - day after my birthday, 23 days before birth of #5
Too Many False Rs; D final Feb. 09.
betterintime1014 ( member #22100) posted at 9:34 PM on Friday, January 16th, 2009
Yep, I'm a newbie, but man, have I learned alot. I agree that it may not take months and months to know the true intentions of the WS.
Mine NEVER showed remorse and said she did not want to work on the marriage. Her lies, deceit, etc, would be considered evil by some. Fog or no Fog--I filed for D very quickly.
I am not gonna sit around while she continues an affair and walks all over me and wait for her to come out of it. For what? To wait for it to happen again? Especially if she knows how weak I was the first time.
Shit, I'm a doc who works long hours, loved his wife and family above all and never strayed. And SHE was miserable? Boo hoo.
We can all ask for advice on this forum. But there is no BS who doesn't know early on the likely intention of the WS. If there is hope, then go for it...if not...well, you know the rest.
Excellent post by the way...
Me 35, WW 34
D-Day Nov 08
Divorced
Kids live with me
whyamistillhere ( member #22471) posted at 3:16 PM on Saturday, January 17th, 2009
I wish I had trusted my gut. It was letting me know something was wrong for months. The months when the affair started. I will never mistrust it again. I am working on trusting him again and working even harder at learning to trust myself for the first time in my life.
UnbearablySadd ( member #18150) posted at 4:48 PM on Saturday, January 17th, 2009
But there is no BS who doesn't know early on the likely intention of the WS.
Can't agree with your there, Better.
there wouldn't be so many of us having gone through false R.
never figure which is worse, trickle truth and false R or them walking out on ya immediately. It all just sucks, doesn't it?
Warmly,
Us
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGQd8M5t4Ao&NR=1
it's all about James Hunter, now ;)
And here's the 180 link:
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=256092
gma56 ( member #19595) posted at 2:54 AM on Sunday, January 18th, 2009
I wish I had filed for D the day after I found the first emails to and from women. 
I didn't realize how fast my future could be shattered and destroyed. I would have been happier sooner without him coming back into my life. gma
[This message edited by gma56 at 8:57 PM, January 17th (Saturday)]
BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.
Hurtsadangry ( member #9294) posted at 2:57 AM on Sunday, January 18th, 2009
Wish I had filed for D upon first DDAY - could have saved a ton of heart-ache.
Happily Divorced as of 7/13/2009 at 2:30 pm!
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