SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I've never seen one case here where a WS just stumbled across this place and coincidentally enough, found their BS's thread.

Possible? Yes

Likely? No

Of course anyone can stumble upon this site. That's not what happened in this situation. OP said she told her husband about SI and this thread. He then came here,read her thread,and also chose to read OBS's thread.

It's not unusual that a new BS will tell their WS about SI..though it's typically not advisable for a variety of very,very good reasons.

But that isn't what has people upset. OBS said he and op agreed not to share this site with their cheating spouses. The last we heard from OBS, he thought his wife had found SI, and he asked if his thread could be deleted. That doesnt sound like he shared his posts with her. So people are feeling upset on behalf of the OBS,who not only was kind enough to tell OP about the affair,but he shared this site with her, so she could get help, and then she told her husband...who was still talking to OW..because he had taken the affair underground by buying a burner phone after NC was established.

This isn't a situation of a WS looking for help on the internet and whoops! there's their BS posts.

[This message edited by HellFire at 5:00 AM, April 4th (Thursday)]

Not going to flame you marriageredux959 because you absolutely have to live by the standards you believe are right for you and your M. But I don't think you can widen this as appropriate for the SI community.

You're quite right that people can stumble upon posters and if they are the 'real life players' in the scenario then they may be able to put two and two together. I get and agree with your point.

But actually I do believe that every poster on here has the right to choose how much they protect their privacy (by deciding what specifics to reveal) and BS have the right to choose this as a personal space and not tell their WS because it enables people to get advice and support away from their emotionally charged real relationship.

And given what has happened to each of us in order to be here, I feel we're owed that.

I found out 18 months after the end of my W's A and chose not to tell friends and family. So this forum was a lifeline for me to express my hurt and pain and to get advice and to read different perspectives.

As members of this community I think we should all start with the principle that a poster's identity is sacrosanct and the fact that another BS feels compromised is a big deal.

T/j. When I suspected my husband cheated I was petrified so I did nothing. SI wasn’t available then. I was facing the fact I was a SAHM with very young children and 2 years of college. We had moved across the country where new friends were great but not close enough to offer the kind of help a young wife and mother needed. Both of my parents died shortly after we moved. I literally had no one so I kept my mouth shut. Trying to figure out how to manage confrontation, dealing with the different outcomes, was more than I could handle. I have no idea how I would have felt if I was told I HAD to do something.

I bring this up because this poster is still reeling from being lied to for a year by a cheating husband and their friend. No one makes rational decisions under extreme stress. The body goes into self protection.

I think the point has been made that she should have honored the obs but HER marriage was/is her focus. I imagine the obs reads these posts. I hope both these broken-hearted people can take from here what they need and leave the rest.

My typing and autocorrect managed to come up with a new word. Thanks for the heads up. I think I fixed it.

[This message edited by Cooley2here at 8:03 AM, April 4th (Thursday)]

I agree with Cooley2 (hey Cooley, spot your typo ) and others defending Ladybug's decision to share SI with her WS. I would have preferred by a long chalk that she had given OBS a heads up, so that is something to be sorry and critical about for sure. It will be something already on her conscience and the point has been made repeatedly so I'm not sure its useful to keep bashing her over the head about - it's so soon after D-day. Sleep deprivation and irrationality prevail over sense sometimes.

Less than six weeks ago since D-day. And, contrary to SI rules, many members have referred to other thread within this thread and vice versa so it was inevitable that anyone reading one would discover the other. The horse is dead. Quit beating it.

I've decided that knowing the OBS's thread and mine both here and both so obvious to WW and WH is a window into each others lives that needs to be shut. I thank you all for your encouragement and support over the last several weeks. I'm going to find another online resource for this kind of support - just not here with the loose boundaries into the other parties of the A lives.

I wish you all the best and peace through this incredibly difficult process - wherever you are in them. Thank you all so much.

Good luck Ladybug.

I hope the angry villagers are happy.

By flaming LBM, second guessing her motives she has moved on. She is walking a tough road and I hope it works out for her.

I don't know who told who what about SI but anyone with half a brain who can spell cheating, infidelity and Google will find SI in a .23 second search.

There area lot of hurt people here and, no offense but some of the newer members can be the harshest.

This is supposed to be a place to help people,not flame them.

Hopefully this thread will be locked too.

Wishing you all the best Ladybugmaam. I hope that you are one of the lucky ones. Keep pressing forward and hold him to a higher standard, you absolutely deserve it.

Need to second Steven's post. The continued venom about a choice she made ran her off.

Wish you good healing Ladybug.

Why not just request a change in username? You can notify a mod by posting a new thread just saying "mod please", and someone should PM you. After that, just don't post enough detail that you're identified.

My worry is that you'll end up somewhere which doesn't offer the same quality of response due to lack of similar experiences or the need to promote a particular product or ideal.

Good luck Ladybug!! So sorry you don't feel safe here anymore.

A wise decision. All the best to you

I understand. If you like you can use the PM function here and continue to engage with the members you have felt supportive, without posting openly on the forums. It happens from time to time that people have to do that to get out of the limelight and regain privacy/anonymity.

Be well.

I hope the angry villagers are happy.

By flaming LBM, second guessing her motives she has moved on. She is walking a tough road and I hope it works out for her.

NOT AT ALL what OP stated!

I Wish you two the best LBM.

[This message edited by DeWittle at 12:29 AM, April 5th (Friday)]

Ladybug and H. Most people who come here aren't having this kind of experience be cause of another related couple here at the same time.

Ladybug I wish you well. You're doing better than I was and so hold to your inner strength to guide you.

Ladybug H, please consider joining our wayward group. They're a great group and you can find much healing there. They've lived the emotions, the situations. I go there to work on my self awareness, my humility, my openness to my WS.

Please pray for the other couple, especially the BH who is a gentle soul and caring father. I'm sorry he's gone from here. I thought he had a kindness that was admirable. Seems like he was the one who started the healing path for all of you so thanks to him and please divine power watch over him and may all your children enjoy stronger more loving families.

We are all here to learn something. Move forward with love and with humility and gratitude. Have compassion for the pain of others and lay down your ego to help them. Please consider a return one day after all this has passed. People here cared and wanted to help. I hope to see you on the R pages sometime telling us good news.

I wish you well, Ladybugmaam.