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Robert22205https ( member #65547) posted at 7:34 PM on Wednesday, December 4th, 2019
Remind her that you could insist she reimburse you for the thousands she spent on her affairs.
Shockedmom ( member #44708) posted at 7:45 PM on Wednesday, December 4th, 2019
Following the trend here. A man grieving the loss of his marriage and family as he knew it is absolutely entitled to weeping and a loss of control. Know that your daughter witnessing real emotion from her father is ok.
ShutterHappy ( member #64318) posted at 9:28 PM on Wednesday, December 4th, 2019
Give yourself some time. It will get better, 100% guaranteed.
Why don’t go out with our daughter? Movies and restaurant
Me: BH
Divorced, remarried.
I plan on living forever. So far so good
Buffer ( member #71664) posted at 9:49 PM on Wednesday, December 4th, 2019
Never apologise for your feelings. Be strong and take care.
One day at a time.
Hit the gym turn heavy weight into light weights, put the gloves on and punch shit out of the large bag
When stressed train the shit out. Chicks dig cardio!!
Buffer
[This message edited by Buffer at 4:11 PM, December 4th (Wednesday)]
ramius ( member #44750) posted at 10:04 PM on Wednesday, December 4th, 2019
It’s ok, for you, that your daughter saw you cry. She saw how much you are hurting, how much you care about this whole mess.
It does not bode well for your wife, that your daughter saw you cry. It’s another reminder to your daughter, that your WW is the cause of this entire shitstorm.
How many scars have you rationalized because you loved the person who was holding the knife?
Their actions reveal their intentions. Their words conceal them.
hansvoleman ( member #55284) posted at 10:34 PM on Wednesday, December 4th, 2019
From your writing, you don't come across as a guy who cries at the slightest excuse. Your daughter(s) know this intrinsically. What will also matter to them, were you to share it someday, is the trigger was a memory of something you were doing with them.
Your daughters will, in time, understand the depth of your grief and that it is for what you and they have lost. Your wife not only hid herself from you but also her children. I have no idea how she will ever be able to parent successfully again.
I hope things start to improve.
When you cheat the first person you betray is yourself.
jadedangel ( member #26979) posted at 11:16 PM on Wednesday, December 4th, 2019
You are human and you experience emotions like everyone else. Absolutely nothing wrong in letting your daughter see you and yes it will be a memory that she will never forget.
Remind her that you could insist she reimburse you for the thousands she spent on her affairs.
I don't think she is aware of just how much knowledge Westway has of her affairs. It may be time to let some of that knowledge be known since she is wanting more money.
Divorced 2007.
EXWH died 2011
Remarried 2018!
rambler ( member #43747) posted at 2:49 AM on Thursday, December 5th, 2019
Do a cost benefit in everything. Do pay more in legal fees than the value of the asset.
steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 11:17 AM on Thursday, December 5th, 2019
Rambler, should that be "don't" instead of "do" in pay more in legal fees than the value of the asset?
BH(me)72(now); XWW 64; M 42 yrsDDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW 4 years; "dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, liesSeparated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020
ISurvived7734 ( member #60205) posted at 7:42 PM on Thursday, December 5th, 2019
A teenage girl shouldn't see her dad like that.
Come on - you are just teaching her important lessons. Life is hard; marriage is harder. Cheating destroys partners and families. These are things that all kids need to understand and you should explain some of this to her when you are composed. She deserves to know how you feel and what you are going though and that none of this is her fault. It's amazing how kids can blame themselves for almost anything that fucks up their family life. Make sure she's not doing that to herself.
"I always look both ways when crossing a one-way street. That's how much faith I have in humanity..."
beenthereinco ( member #56409) posted at 8:06 PM on Thursday, December 5th, 2019
Most likely she has not been truthful with her own attorney on what has gone on and they are just trying to represent her as best as possible. You should just remind her of how all of this can play out.
ohsospecial ( member #72054) posted at 8:21 PM on Thursday, December 5th, 2019
I’ll bet beenthere is correct: WW ‘s attorney doesn’t have full story.
I’ve been interviewing D lawyers. I said to one, “I guess you don’t like to lose” Lawyer: Nope. Me: So, when’s the last time you lost? Lawyer, with rather surprised look: Monday. I got reamed in court. Me: Wow, what happened? Lawyer: Bad facts. Client was the bad guy in the D. He didn’t tell me everything. His wife’s attorney had the info. We lost. Big time.
Good luck Westway. I feel awful for you. At least my kids are grown....
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=642616
Westway (original poster member #71747) posted at 12:16 AM on Friday, December 6th, 2019
I have to be careful how I do this. My lawyer has the binder of evidence, but she has not determined how we will use it. She is supposed to get back from a trip to Washington tomorrow and I am meeting her Monday.
I'm worried about strong-arming her with the evidence and whether that will be perceived as blackmail. I don't want to end up committing a felony unwittingly.
Me: 52;
XWW: 50 y.o. serial cheater
Married 22 years, Together 24
2 Daughters: aged 16 and 20
DDay: 9/20/19
Divorced 12/03/20.
Thumos ( member #69668) posted at 12:19 AM on Friday, December 6th, 2019
I agree. Follow your lawyer’s lead.
"True character is revealed in the choices a human being makes under pressure. The greater the pressure, the deeper the revelation, the truer the choice to the character's essential nature."
BH: 50, WW: 49 Wed: Feb.'96 DDAY1: 12.20.16 DDAY2: 12.23.19
self-rescuer ( member #35059) posted at 12:09 PM on Friday, December 6th, 2019
I understand your reluctance to use the evidence in a way that could jeopardize future circumstances (both that you can predict now and those you can't).
You might want to suggest having your lawyer depose the AP's and even subpoena them. That is standard divorce practice and might achieve the same results. Your cheating wife will know that you have names and her APs will press her to not disclose their names to her mob connected family.
The turning point in my divorce, (my ex felt that I would eventually come to understand that he needed a wife and a GF - lord almighty) when my ex really came to the table, was when his AP had to sign her subpoena. He also received a list of colleagues that included the leadership of the university where he was employed, who would also be subpoenaed.
It's something you may want to discuss with your attorney.
edited because apparently I cannot spell this morning!
[This message edited by self-rescuer at 6:13 AM, December 6th (Friday)]
How are you tending to the the emerging story of your life?
~ Carol Hegedus
DoinBettr ( member #71209) posted at 3:05 PM on Friday, December 6th, 2019
Westway - The government has made it very cut and dry on what is given over in divorces. They were tired of wives getting nothing after being married to millionaires and then going on welfare.
I would recommend you figure out how much your lawyer fees and her's balance out to what she wants. Both parties always walk away a little pissed off from a divorce. Just see that you will lose some of your money you didn't plan and balance that with future interactions. The goal is to be free from your XWW. Realize that goal will take some sacrifice.
Divorces are expensive. It is supposed to stop people from being stupid about throwing away a marriage. You can rebuild. See freedom instead of shackles.
Thumos ( member #69668) posted at 9:47 PM on Friday, December 6th, 2019
As DoinBettr notes, unfortunately divorce laws are biased against men and antiquated. Women are able to be economically independent now in a way they were not even a few decades ago, but the laws still award them cash and prizes -- even adulterous wives (which is one reason I think we're seeing a spike in female infidelity now - it's a win-win for them). The term is "divorce rape" -- but it sounds like your lawyers is approaching this the right way and will try to prevent as much of that for you as they can.
"True character is revealed in the choices a human being makes under pressure. The greater the pressure, the deeper the revelation, the truer the choice to the character's essential nature."
BH: 50, WW: 49 Wed: Feb.'96 DDAY1: 12.20.16 DDAY2: 12.23.19
Thanksgiving2016 ( member #63462) posted at 1:21 AM on Saturday, December 7th, 2019
They aren’t necessarily biased against men. The one who earned the least still gets half. Plenty of stay at home husbands now too and they get a good chunk just like the stay at home wives.
Newlifeisgreat ( member #71308) posted at 7:03 PM on Sunday, December 8th, 2019
Hope all is well, or at least as possible
Good luck with the meeting tomorrow
Betrayed Spouse. She cheated and I filed immediately upon discovering. She never even suspected that I knew until the moment she was served with reason being Adultery. Divorced: Sept, 2018. VERY happy with new life, 0 regrets
paboy ( member #59482) posted at 9:41 AM on Monday, December 9th, 2019
Westway,
Selfrescuer does have a real viable action plan in informing of what you know.
Having your lawyer notifying hers of your intent to subpoena these men, by name and date of liaison, and money used, would let her know legally of what you have possession of, and coerce her to avoid this and be more willing to settle quickly.
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