SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Midnight, I won't be buying into that a single iota. There's no path back from this, it is unforgivable. I've done some reading on this site, I know there are men who reconcile after long term sexual affairs by their cheating wives. I won't judge them or condemn them for that. But I cannot see a way I could do that.

[This message edited by LtCdrLost at 8:51 AM, April 13th (Friday)]

LtCdr.....

Sorry you find yourself here.....

USNA Class of 1990 here.....just wanted to say hi and wish you the best.....

Saw enough of this shit myself during my post grad stint before I got out.....even had to deal with a Mast situation involving a turd in my Main Propulsion Division who was caught screwing his shipmate’s W.....

As Cromer said, often it ends at Mast because a CO chooses to keep it in house.....personally, I recommended CM but my CO wouldn’t go there.

Hope you bury the POS.....

And I agree with going for D......enough crap to worry with on deployments without having to worry about this nonsense.

Use that discipline you rightly mentioned to push through the pain of this and crush these traitors.

Ok House, you're Navy so you understand the significance of involving the Goat Locker at his command. Nothing out of line there, just two professional Sailors sitting down for a meal. Regardless of whatever UCMJ sanction falls on him, those Chiefs will tie this around his neck for however long he's in.

Oh yes....for sure on that.

He won’t be liking the attention this will bring him in that crowd.

Dyoke, there are some intangibles that might force this past an Article 15. And Sandy Eggo is looking better & better for a new start. I mentioned that to the lawyer today, having the D final by this summer can't happen in this state. But I wouldn't have to come back after a final hearing, which can absolutely happen before mid-summer.

First, Thank You for your service sir and I pray you nothing but success in the future.

I was a military spouse for 20+ years. My husband was Delta and had some deployments that lasted more than a year at a time with NO communication as that was the nature of the operation. I was a loyal spouse through all of it, worked full time, and raised our children. IMO when you marry into the military you don't do it blindly and the least you can do is honor the vow you took while your spouse is putting their life on the line daily for family and country. These two cheaters knew exactly what they were doing when they made the choice to betray their spouses and families for some cheap thrills. They deserve whatever consequences they suffer.

Delta... the Navy parallel is DevGru, Naval Special Warfare Development Group. What the press erroneously calls "SEAL Team 6".

[This message edited by LtCdrLost at 11:26 PM, April 16th (Monday)]

Yep, my husband chuckles every time he hears "SEAL Team 6" because it's incorrect.

I retired 3 years ago, so I'm not that old!!

Hope you don’t mind my inquiry, but was your home on base? We’re you able to hire a private investigator who would go on base? I recently tried to hire one, but none will go on the military base my husband is a contractor on.

Off base, 20yrsago. I was able to authorize entry to the home by the PI when the home was unoccupied, which is why I have the proof I have. Audio tapes by the box full...

[This message edited by LtCdrLost at 9:44 PM, April 10th (Tuesday)]

Chicky, thank you for your service from the Canadian again.

LCL, I was only thinking about not affecting your WW's employment so she kept earning income when alimony is calculated (if any). My WW would have lost her job when I went to their HR department because she supervised him. She asked me to wait a day so she could formally request retirement. I did so because it was a courtesy I would naturally do. Afterwards I wondered why the hell I did that. She sure never showed any courtesy towards me.

I should have mentioned the VAR. Protect yourself. VAR at all times, everywhere. You don't know what people will do when they panic - actually you probably do given your profession. The WW of a friend of mine charged him with domestic violence (didn't happen) in the early 1990's. It's still on his record. She has admitted it was a false accusation but won't admit it legally because it would make her look bad. If the things that others above about crying, love bombing, promising everything don't work she could get nasty.

If adultery is a deal breaker, it's a deal breaker. All the best to you, LCL.

Thank you for your service. It is men like you that secure the freedoms too many of us take for granted!

I am truly sorry this has happened to you. You must seek the justice that is right for you! Please remember to seek your justice wisely, patiently, and prudently!

____________________________________________________________________________________

Would this all be different if I was a corporate type, or an attorney or an engineer? I'll never know the answer to that.

YES! You most likely would have a like surrounded by strong moral men, like your "old roommates from the long training pipeline", with a strong sense of right and wrong. The people that watch out for your family even when they don't know they are watching. Not to watch for mistakes but to do what men like you and men like you do.... PROTECT! I'm sure one of the hardest thing your old roommate ever did was break the news to you...

Just imagine the Corp/Law/Eng world, where people watch "2 broke girls", "Suites", & "Grey's Anatomy" every week.... Most of your "friends", from that world, would stab you in the back for a promotion and if your wife's hot would lay pipe in her if given half a chance.

Just my shitty thoughts!

Hey man, you're getting some good advice from some people I highly respect and who helped me out when I first arrived here. I don't often read in the JFO forum, but the moment I saw your username I knew I had to do what I could to help out a sailor. My Navy days are half a life time ago. I was in boot camp while you were potty training. I liked the Navy and hated being an electrician. So I moved on to other things.

There's a good chance this shit storm is going to fuck you up like nothing you've ever experienced. My WW certainly unhinged my sorry ass (as a few of these gentlemen can attest to).

None of this is your fault, though. Your WW's affair is 100% on her. I've come to know a great many stories in my three years here on SI and I've heard from all sorts of BHs in all sorts of marriages and the only thing we all seem to have in common is that none of us saw this shit coming and we certainly didn't deserve such a profound level of disrespect.

Would things have been different if you were a lawyer or brick-layer? No. I don't think so. In fact, I'm pretty fucking sure it wouldn't have made one bit of difference. A WS will talk themselves into all kinds of crazy shit in order to justify betraying themselves in such a base and self-destructive manner. They will rewrite the history of their marriage and shift the blame to everyone and anyone around them. They will lie. They will lie to their spouses, to the world, to their families, to their APs and, most of all, to themselves.

Nothing you did or didn't do, nothing you said or didn't say, would have made any difference at all. Your WW cheated for her own fucked-up reasons, selfishness, entitlement, you name it. Her affair had nothing at all to do with you.

minor t/j

For the life of me, I have no idea why people are telling you to back off the OM.

Civility, mostly. I understand the desire for revenge. I've felt it. I've fantasized about it (splitting him in two with a very large battle axe seem quite satisfying). I even planned out exactly how I'd ruin his life, fuck-up his career, at least two or three times. But that won't change the past and it will hurt his kids. I'm not sure how much an senior officer makes these days, but I know for damned sure that senior NCOs still don't make jack-fucking-squat for what they do. Yeah, he may not make E-7 and that doesn't seem to mean too much to you. But think about that for a moment. What's the difference between an O-6 and O-7? Just a pay-grade, right? Or does that star mean something else entirely, sir?

Look, I'm not trying to stick up for this guy. What he did is absolutely deplorable and he should and will face the consequences of his actions.

All I'm trying to do is remind this Naval Officer that revenge is not justice.

Peace

[This message edited by Unhinged at 9:59 PM, April 10th (Tuesday)]

Unhinged, what is justice in a situation like this? Sweeping this aside for the sake of civilty, reading his name on the Chief's list in a few months hardly seems like justice, nicht wahr?

Hell, justice might actually be barbaric (not that I'm going to commit a crime large or small against him). So, I'm asking what is "Justice" to the male who stole my wife while I wasn't around to stop him dead in his tracks? Because I would've fought, literally, for my wife and what I thought was a solid marriage.

Your reaction to scum is perfectly normal.

You were away, trying to make a life for you and her.

Her thank-you? Hump a loser.

Civility defines your comportment while the wheels of justice roll over him and your STBX.

You leverage your anger at the gym. You find constructive outlets that work in your favor. She is the enemy and civility is your cloak of protection against being vulnerable.

Extreme politeness. Coldness. No Contact - even better, but civil and detached when you have no other choice.

She doesn't deserve your civility, but she certainly should not get your vulnerability too. Civility is posture of an officer and a gentleman.

Former E5 Army/national guard wife here; thank you for your service.

And...said loser wasn't concerned about his career and family when he chose to sleep with LtCdrLost's wife anymore than she was concerned about her marriage. Again, they deserve what they got coming.

One more thing. He owns a gun, you come over threatening and things happen. Turn him over to the powers that be and boogie on out of the place.

Years ago some politician was accused of a bunch of stuff and his career was ruined. After he was exonerated someone asked what he wanted and he said he wanted to know where to go to get his reputation back. Guard yours well.

You sound rock solid. Stay that way.

Man, there is no justice to be found here. At least, I can't think of any. The only justice is to be the best man that you can be and do what is right.

Truth be told, I don't give a shit about the OM. I told his wife everything I knew, we traded emails for a few days and that was it. I'm not responsible for him and whether or not his wife cut off his balls is of no consequence to me at all. The prick isn't worth the electrons it took to transmit this message.

If the OM gets busted for using military equipment for personal messages then so be it; that's his fucking problem. Beyond that, what could you really do to him that would be justice for what he's done?

Personally, I think the OM could have been anyone in my WW's case. I was angry with her for deciding to have her little fling with the POS.

I would've fought, literally, for my wife and what I thought was a solid marriage.

Can you imagine how many times I've read that a BS thought they had a solid marriage? I know it may be hard to grasp, brother, but the state of your marriage had absolutely nothing to do with your WW's decision to have an affair. If you stick around long enough, you'll see it, too. Good marriage and bad ones, rich and poor, straight and gay, black, white, brown, lavender or fuchsia, it doesn't fucking matter. Marriages don't cheat; people cheat.

Make sense?