SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

((((Scooby))))

Thank you so much for taking the time to come here and update us. Sorry, but you have been officially adopted by a 70,000+ member family.

I'm glad that you and your family got some R&R - more than well deserved.

One day at a time with the crap going on with WH. I hope he does go in rehab as that will give you another 30 days or so to do some duck lining.

I have to say he has NEVER shown this behaviour before

I am glad you mentioned this. It is important for people to know that waywards can lose their shit in a nanosecond when they know they're losing control of their BS.

Hang in there, Scoobs; keep posting and keep on keeping on. You got this!

Hugs!

Thank you so much for posting, Scooby! You were in my thoughts all weekend.

he has been controlling & violent in the early years

I'm glad you are doing well. Don't minimize this. That's how abusers work, usually. They start slowly and escalate over time. The fact that he was controlling and violent in the early years means that he did show this type of behavior before.

Don't minimize this.

I don't care if he was doing drugs, drunker than a skunk what he did was criminal and freaking scary. DO NOT allow him back in even if/when he gets clean. He is dangerous. Period.

Glad you were able to have a good time w/ your family. It is important for all of your healing.

(((And Strength)))

I'm glad you had a great time.

Sadly, it actually makes perfect sense for him to make an attempt on your life with his history. Men who kill their partners have violence in their past. Even situations where they don't threaten to kill or choke their spouse. His words about how you could not leave him and how everything's he's done is not worth you leaving him for it. That level of entitlement and control is dead ringer for a dangerous man who would stop his wife from leaving at all costs including ending her life.

Drugs and alcohol may have made him feel more comfortable with acting how he did but his feelings and plans didn't come from no where. He was sober enough to type here coherently and without a bunch of spelling and grammar issues. He knew what he was doing.

[This message edited by nekonamida at 8:12 AM, August 28th (Wednesday)]

Thanks for the update Scooby. Sounds like you have a strong and worthy support network.

Few things -

he has been controlling & violent in the early years but not to this level of craziness,

Let any lawyer, law enforcement, crisis counselor, etc. know this. Jot down any notes you can think of as examples. That's how abusers work. They start slow. Like the old adage of boiling a frog. Increase the heat one degree at a time and they don't even notice.

Due to the Toxicology Report done on his arrest showing high levels of alcohol & Drug use he may be sent to a Rehab Centre instead of prison.

As long as he is kept away from you. BUT again, let any lawyer, law enforcement, crisis counselor, etc. know this. They need the whole history before they can figure out what to do. This is the grand finale sure - but it isn't the whole Scoobydoo Mystery. You have to expose it all first.

Take care of yourself. Sending hugs, strength and sparkles.

Hi Scooby... I've been following your story and I'm glad you're safe! I just want to echo this:

Don't minimize this.

I don't care if he was doing drugs, drunker than a skunk what he did was criminal and freaking scary. DO NOT allow him back in even if/when he gets clean. He is dangerous. Period.

If/when he gets out, I bet you'll be his first stop. He will be angry. Please be very, very careful.

Rehab teaches them a lot of the right words to say, Scooby. It teaches them how to appear trustworthy and humble. It does actually help a few change, but your WH is on a different level than most addicts who go into rehabs. If they downgrade this to a substance abuse issue and not an attempted murder issue, that's dangerous for you. He'll have a whole new set of tools under his belt to manipulate you with. I am so glad that you're safe right now.

Rehab teaches them a lot of the right words to say, Scooby. It teaches them how to appear trustworthy and humble. It does actually help a few change, but your WH is on a different level than most addicts who go into rehabs. If they downgrade this to a substance abuse issue and not an attempted murder issue, that's dangerous for you. He'll have a whole new set of tools under his belt to manipulate you with. I am so glad that you're safe right now.

OMG, this is so spot on! He will try the "I wasn't in my right mind," "I'm soooo sorry" ... don't fall for it.

I don't want to say anything about strategy on the public forum since he will definitely be reading on here when he gets out...but I will say that you need to not be alone, ever, at this time.

Hugs...

I just want to support what the others are saying about not minimising this and to ensure your safety. Unfortunately, his behaviour is textbook so you need to protect yourself just to make sure. This is easier for us to see from the outside without bias. And we've seen it before. You don't need that in your life. Please be very careful with him. You deserve better.

Not sure of the protocol in this sort of situation,

but I have to put this out there in the hope this person see's it.

A very kind & very generous sole donated anonymously for me to be upgraded on SI,

I’m in absolute awe of this perfect stranger that has done this for me, I cannot tell you how much gratitude I have for you,

I’m so bloody humbled you would do this for me...A complete stranger,

I can’t express how grateful I am.

So from the bottom of my very warmed heart

Thank you so very very much whoever you are xx

UPDATE ON H

Prosecution has been on the phone this morning, just checking off everything they have on him can & has been backed up with proof, I signed some sort of disclaimers Saturday for hospital & doctor records to be used, seems they have received it all by Fax, including police reports over the years, also copies of his thread he made here.

They are pushing for a custodial sentence in Crown Court so he should be remanded in custody till the date set.

No one has told me to get a lawyer, Should I have 1?

To take my mind of things & to get space I'm now going into work, I work with the public so its nice to be normal with everything going on around me, for the next 10 hrs I can forget everything.

Thank you again for all your support & well wishes,

I will keep on keeping on

Glad to hear from you. You sound good given the situation. Thank you so much for the update. Stay safe.

A very kind & very generous sole donated anonymously for me to be upgraded on SI,

SO awesome! I love this place!

((((Scooby))))

No one has told me to get a lawyer, Should I have 1?

That is an excellent question - SI peeps, what say you?

It wouldn't hurt to consult one.

The kindness I have found on SI never ceases to amaze me in the most warm and wonderful way.

Scooby - good update. You sound like you are in a better place now and on the road to more.

I can feel your strength grow with every word you type. I am in awe of you.

Lawyer - can't hurt to consult one.

I am asking because I don’t know.

Why would scoobs need a lawyer? She hasn’t been charged with anything. She didn’t do anything wrong. She is clearly the victim of assault. What would a lawyer do? Outside of a divorce lawyer, I can’t see the reason to engage one for this situation, it is a criminal act. But sometimes normal logic doesn’t match legal logic or process.

Perhaps to get advice on how best to legally protect yourself. Wouldn't a divorce lawyer do that?

Boxer certainly needs a defence lawyer that I assume he pays for out of his funds. Not marital ones.

ETA. I view the assault and the divorce as separate. Absolutely a divorce lawyer is needed. This is complex.

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 7:01 AM, August 29th (Thursday)]

You absolutely need to retain an attorney.

At minimum you will need it for D at minimum. Having worked w/ one prior to that, knowing the violence, and abuse, and all that came with it, will be important in the process.

Please call a few attorney's today.

Thank you to the anonymous good soul.

You do not need a lawyer regarding the prosecution the CPS will deal with that and it sounds like you have a good support system from the police, make sure they keep you updated and provide them with information they need for the prosecution. They now do & should treat these crimes very seriously.

If you need a lawyer as suggested it will be for divorce. PM me if there is anything I can do to assist you, I am in the UK!

You should have your own divorce lawyer retained and ready to follow these proceeding and weigh in where decisions being made might affect you.

I'm not certain if Scooby was asking about consulting an attorney for the assault, for the D, or both...that is why I was not sure how to answer her.