SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I REALLY needed to hear those wonderful things today...

I'm trying to just hold fast and sail on thru this shitstorm of abuse and utter hypocrisy and hate and lies and abandonment and slander and disrespect etc.

Why so many people enable her entitlement behavior is beyond me really.

I just cannot fathom it.

C, I really do think you have a gift of a creative and nimble mind. Where people have to invent humor, you already have it formed in your mind in an instant. You have a great ability for language.

I had my complete group of friends turn away from me more than twice. When I stood in the right and they were choosing the easy path. It's hard to be alone then. Later they were regretful what they chose to do then. I felt like I could not keep any friends. It feels lonely on top of the sadness and injustice.

It doesn't matter what anyone says. The truth will out.

You have to pull yourself out of this hole you have dug for yourself. If for no other reason for your kids.

Don't focus on all the negative in the past. There is nothing in the past that you can change. Deal with it.

Evil people do evil things, That is the way it has been for a very long time and not likely to change anytime soon.

You cannot curl up in a ball and cry poor me.

Visit your doctor, they may be able to help.

C, we all care about you and are all rooting for you. In my experience, sometimes people who are not worth your time sort themselves out. It’s like the universe doing you a favor so that you can move onto new people and a new life even though it doesn’t feel like a positive at the moment. You don’t need a whole village to be on your side. You just need one or two good friends to help you through this rough patch. Besides we are all here for you.

In the meantime, consult a lawyer, document every interaction. Share your documents with someone. Your WW is planning something and you must protect yourself.

My wife's username is "Pyrite".

After today's new additional issues, I have finally gone "public" on here in the Reconciliation forum with very openly begging for help from others to reach out to my wayward lying and slandering wife, "Pyrite".

I cannot fathom why so many people in our real life world have nothing but evil and hate and lies or else just apathy and indifference and hypocris and narcissistic abanonment to offer our immensely struggling family.

I can barely function after seeing my wayward-hearted son and losing the use of my computer today along with the insulting bullying and emotional abusing of my wife with me and the children, even while she's gone...

[This message edited by Cephastion at 5:05 PM, December 29th (Sunday)]

I’m so sorry for you!!!! Saying a prayer that you find some peace tonight.

Last night was plenty hard enough for me being alone with my poor hurting kids on the death anniversary of my beloved mom while their struggling, betrayal-traumatized dad got literally yelled at on the phone by a so-called friend for my consolation and comfort and support.

At least my WW is more honest than the people she's staying with about not giving a damn about me (or the kids either).

[This message edited by Cephastion at 3:28 AM, January 4th (Saturday)]

Rocky (aka the "Whipping Post") Balboa is finally getting hurt enough and pissed off enough and fed up enough to FINALLY 180, though.

The problem was that I didn't know how many people to include in that 180 along with my WW.

I think at this point, I have a hell of a much better idea...

[This message edited by Cephastion at 3:37 AM, January 4th (Saturday)]

Ceph,

A lot of people here care about you, and will always be here to listen to you and be with you in spirit as you weather the storms of being with a person who seems unstable and emotionally abusive.

Please know that you did nothing to deserve this, and the negative things some people are doing to you reflect on them, and not you.

What kind of person says they do not give a damn about their family? The kind of person you are better off without. So if she is voluntarily removing herself from your life, it can only be a positive thing in the end, because all she contributes to your life is negativity and selfishness.

You will get through this, Ceph, because you are a strong and intelligent person. Sure, this hurts like absolute Hell right now. That is because you have a heart and you care about your family. However, if the result is that such an unpleasant, selfish, and destructive person reduces her presence in the lives of you and your family, the pain will have been worth it.

People here care, Ceph, and our hearts, thoughts, and prayers are with you and your family.

Damn it's lonely when the kids are gone...

Where are they? When will they be back?

Damn it's lonely when the kids are gone...

I guess that was uninformative enough to seem misleading on my part, but I didn't mean to be. When I am feeling seriously down and out, I sometimes don't say much or process things out loud very much sometimes.

They are fine and were only away at their homeschooling co-op for the first time since the "holiday break". They came back home an hour or two after I posted how lonely the house felt (now that school had resumed) without anyone else in it besides me, myself, and I.

Since we had no holiday or presents or anything whatsoever along those lines, and since it was all such a repeat performance of what I've gone thru multiple times in the past...

I just struggle mightily at times now when I find myself alone.

Having gone from the night before Thanksgiving thru Christmas and New Years and now my birthday alone and virtually uncelebrated/unrecognized with no one except for my 2 dependents...it's hard when my babies are not here.

We technically did have a Thanksgiving and "Christmas dinner" with another family, but...frozen pizza and unexpected total strangers being included that dominated everything without us having a clue about such terms and conditions for "Christmas dinner" was such a gross violation of my expectations and cultural-social norms for me and the kids that it just didn't seem like it should count for much other than the equivalent of a soup kitchen experience when we were expecting more of a time of sharing and visiting and Christmas-ish type of thing.

I just can't believe what a fool I've been to keep believing the best or better of my shit-for-a-"wife" for all of these years...thinking that deep down she really loved me or God or family or much of anyone besides just her fucking SELF.

She refuses to answer hardly a damn thing about anything at all, and is unashamed in her stubbornness about her ongoing disrespect and abuses of trust and relationship and position as a supposed wife and mother of 5.

The fact that everyone enables such behavior in the name of religious self-entitlement and so-called "mercy" or "grace" is so disgusting and hypocritical and possibly blashpemous to me that I can hardly stand to stay in this world at times to see my Father's name taken so horribly in vain and profanely used to stand for what He expressly stands against.

Pretty much NO ONE has called or has checked up on the children or me since Dec. 25th other than the one fellow that she's staying with who called to let me know that I didn't have a right to meet with them along with my wife at the same time to get the whole story out there instead of just the one delusional wayward version that they are getting a nightly earful of without any balancing input from me or the children who have witnessed everything and had to pay the price for standing up to her abuses. Unless I count my wife who tried to sentence me to being alone on New Year's Eve and/or Day, that is. Which was her attempted effort on Christmas Eve, as well, I might add.

I didn't get married just to be alone.

I didn't raise children just to be a single parent that has no Christmas to give his amazing, incredibly deserving children that are still at home with me suffering thru this shit along with me for a miserable comforter and shellshocked, traumatized wannabe dad.

Sometimes it just feels like it sucks to be alive anymore after all of this waste of time and love and faith in people that you've trusted and poured yourself into with the simplest of expectations for decency and honesty and civility in return.

I'm not saying that last bit to sound suicidal. I'm just saying that I'm freaking tired. Sick and tired of abuse and infidelity...and lonliness and betrayal and abandonment and lies and slander...

I'm just sick to death of it all...

[This message edited by Cephastion at 3:11 AM, January 7th (Tuesday)]

New year = new You!

What are your plans for moving forward? To getting yourself out of the back hole.

Well, for starters, My "New Year's Day" is gonna be April 1st this year.

However, something about you posting that to me today of all days...

New year = new You!

followed up by this:

What are your plans for moving forward? To getting yourself out of the back hole.

I think you might have given me a new perspective on how to look at my birthday and beyond...

I'm spending at least part of today with a new plan I have for tackling life issues.

I just started the Pomodoro method for managing my time and my babies' time as well.

But I just "invented" a new concept to go along with it that I call the Peacemaker Method (as in Colt Peacemaker).

With this new method, I take my tasks and fit them into one of 6 "barrels" or categories.

1)Loving others & thereby loving the Lord

6)"Other": The Junk Drawer, safety net, and special projects

Using this method so far, I have managed to get a lot of things done along with the kids by rotating /revolving each "barrel" with each 25 minute time period of focused "shot" along with a 5 minute rest in-between each 25 min. shot at a task or list of task within any given category.

When I revolve barrels for another shot, it addresses a very different area of need.

Barrel/bullet #1: Sing a couple of worship songs and do outreach with those in need for 25 mins with a 5 minute break playing thumb wrestling or something innocuous and fun.

Barrel-bullet #2: Do online work to bring home some income or work on the farm/business for 25 mins, then veg out for 5 mins while heartily singing Christmas carols.

Barrel/bullet #3: We go from cleaning house for 25 minutes with a 5 minute phone app game or texting with someone...

Barrel/bullet #4: then on to doing 25 minutes of school with 5 minutes of root beer float or a YouTube video...

After every 4 shots, take a one hour break for a decent meal or midday meditative HOT shower or reading a book or praying/jamming out to music on the road while aimlessly driving with the dog along for the excursion

Barrel bullet #5: and then to grooming the dog for 25 minutes with 5 minutes of running or exercise with the dog or just privately...

Barrel #6: Stop and reassess what still needs doing and what fell thru the cracks or work for 25 mins. on a special project that always gets put off.

Rinse, lather, repeat.

I know it's more of a SHAD story (SHAD=stay at home Dad but it sounds better to me to say "sad" right now) or self-employed/unemployed kind of a self management tool but that's what I'm planning and already doing so far with the so-called "new year" that I'm dealing with at this point.

What do ya'll think? Has anyone got any experience with the time boxing/pomodoro method?

I'm trying to take the bull by the horns instead of just always reacting to being gored or run the hell over by the beast.

Frankly, I'm still trying to get the taste of hoof and horn out of my mouth and nose at the moment...

[This message edited by Cephastion at 5:12 AM, January 7th (Tuesday)]

Hi Ceph,

My DH and I are fellow Homeschooling parents, and I implemented the Pomodoro "tomato" timer this past year and it has been life changing --especially for my son and I with ADHD. But even my Type A daughter really enjoys the work/reward system. We use a combo of free app and inexpensive kitchen timers.

I love your clever idea of the Peacemaker Method! If bet if you set up a word document PDF, and uploaded it blank with the six areas of the barrel, I get it would be appreciated on Homeschooling forums.

This is the very best thing you can do for your kids. You are going to figure this out.

One day you'll be where you want to be and have the kind of holiday that your kids will always remember. This is just a passing cloud, dark as it is.

I was thinking of James Russell Lowell's

The Present Crisis

Once to every man and nation comes

The moment to decide,

In the strife of truth with falsehood the good or evil side;

Some great cause, God's new Messiah,

Offering each bloom or blight,

Parts the goats upon the left hand,

And the sheep on the right,

And the choice goes by forever 'twixt

That darkness and that light.

Wish that I had that kind of writing ability.....

And so we all choose. It hurts to stand alone in the light but it won't be for long. Keep going, keep walking toward a better, stronger you. I can't wait to see you bloom. It will be tremendous. Believe it friend.

I hope that those of you who have helped to keep me "stabilized" during this crisis so far can be somewhat encouraged to know that you all were responsible in part for what happened yesterday.

In spite of my wayward minded family entirely defrauding me of any respect or recognition whatsoever yesterday, my two "babies" and I had a remarkable time together.

We went and saw a movie they had wanted to see and it was so very enjoyable to me that I can't say I've enjoyed one nearly so much as that one in a very long time.

Besides that, they have REALLY gotten behind and beside me in pulling this thing along and going for excellence in how we are all three working and playing and schooling and living life together now!

After living through this Hellish Holiday Season going thru "the fire" and betrayal-abandonment shitstorm along with me, they can now finally see for themselves how truly horrible their mother and siblings and my MIL and so many other people in our world that we thought we KNEW and loved really are. Consequently, they have stopped acting neutral or unaffected in this mutiny/coup/betrayal business and are actively grieving along with me as well as opening up and being truly HONEST with me about their feelings and grievances and issues instead of just repressing them or denying their feelings about being wronged by me or others, etc.

To see us be able to laugh and cry together yesterday and to see my son opt to stay home from school and do his sister's chores so that she didn't have to be late herself... just to be with me on my birthday so I wouldn't be alone like I usually am...was just so perfect considering everything.

(BTW, they both LOVE their home schooling co-op and to see their friends and everything, because the place is like a seriously real life utopia that most people simply wouldn't believe, so it was a real sacrifice for them, unlike it would have been for ME or most teens I know of at that age.)

If the day of working alongside my very respectful and loving son doing repairs on the farmhouse and readying it for winter wasn't enough of a "birthday cake" on my birthday, then the tears and laughter shed was all the more icing and candles for it, along with a couple of friends giving me honest connection and well-wishing instead of the fake kind I often would get from lying, legalistic assholes like my abandoning sons and daughter and wife who really could care less about anyone besides themselves at this point in their twisted, falsely "Christian/caring" lives.

Over the course of our 30 year relationship, I have gently and only occasionally nudged my wife to go to prayer meetings or ladies' Bible studies or socials and to have friends and get-togethers and to go on retreats and interact with others and stuff, but she has pretty much refused to do so or bother except on very rare occasion. But of COURSE she proudly threw it in my face that she was going to start doing that out of respect for pleasing OTHER people on my birthday and I wasn't invited to be a part of it, and so consequently, THAT was the closest thing to any acknowledgement that I got from her for having been born and lived for almost 5 decades now.

I sorta wonder what remarkable improvement upon that I can expect for the commemoration of getting to have her as my beloved "soulmate" for 27 years will be on our upcoming anniversary this winter?

She has told me, as I'm sure you will all agree...that she has gone away on her own initiative since Thanksgiving to "work on herself", after all!

Or maybe she would instead tell the version of it being my fault she's still gone and happily abandoning the marriage and the children for kicking her out of the house for one night because of her refusal to explain why she unilaterally defends the man that grossly and utterly betrayed my trust and shamed the shit out me and defaming me while my runaway son was committed to his care as well as even now a full year later...

Either way, I'm breathing and functioning better now that I'm in a "new year with a new me" so to speak.

And my children are also more encouraged now in this last week or two than they have been in quite some time, I believe, because they are very much connected with me and cueing off of me for their emotions and sense of direction somewhat.

I can hardly remember when the two of them have been so respectful and engaged and listening so intently and taking my instruction to heart, whether it's about how to fix a broken window pane in the house (like we did yesterday), or to repair a compressor and tune up a tablesaw, or how to gently teach the dogs not to jump up on them like they have for years now...or just to laugh freely at me making a fool of myself by accident when I'm not paying enough attention to my own stuff I'm doing...because I'm just human, too.

Damn I'm glad that awful toxic bitch of a wife of mine is gone out of our lives enough for us to breath a little and learn how to live and love each other better without having her to answer to for doing it wrong or for somehow hurting HER damn feelings just for being honest and real about calling a spade a spade.

Happy New U-era, indeed!

[This message edited by Cephastion at 12:54 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)]

Why didn't you report the trucking violations to OSHA?

Why didn't you report the trucking violations to OSHA?

I was told by my employer that I was the one responsible for enforcing safety standards and also responsible to see that the repairs and inspections were done by the drivers and the mechanic.

It was a messed up situation. I didn't want to go behind my employer's back to undermine his judgement or business just to make my own much less experienced judgement win out over his.

The business and profit margin were turned around from red to black by the changes in management that I was a part of, but all of the trucking particulars were very new to me since I was new to the industry.

Honestly, the situation was just literally too good to be true I guess you could say. I don't want to say too much about it at the moment because I'm not here to deal with that mess at the present time. It's a whole different sideshow of issues all on it's own, and I can barely see my way out of the woods I'm already in.

Why do so many people enable and encourage cheating assholes and arrogant lying absuive malignant toxic abandoning, wayward minded people to just keep on "being (true to) themselves"?

I mean on the one hand, I guess it's easier to get along with a self entitled despot by simply nodding your head and smiling while saying "Si!" to everything that is shared...

But on the other hand, I don't see doctors lying to their patients and affected family members about serious illnesses and so on...

Why lie about something as serious as death or adultery or the destruction of a marriage and family with all the innocent souls involved who become casualties?