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I’ll just explain it to her that if I’m unemployed to watch our son so she can work we need to have an arrangement where she provides child support. She won’t have an issue with it.

Because she's such an understanding, rational, reasonable person? Because she's always been honourable?

Listen to what has been explained to you from all those people here who care enough to share from their very, very painfully gained experiences. They see great problems for you in your near future (greater than they already are). Protect yourself. Take action.

Talk to as many lawyers you need to, but use not that you are comfortable with. Remember you are paying them to look after your and sons bets interests. Don’t go for the cheapest one.

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I understand I sound desperate but living with someone who lies with every breath can be disorienting.

This is exactly the effect of gaslighting. Google it.

Keep taking action to remove this person from your life as much as possible. I know you have to coparent with her. Keep your interactions to a minimum. Email and text only.

"She is crazy but we both have his best interests at heart."

Wrong. She doesn't have anyone's best interest at heart. Not even her own. You would be wise to 180 this woman. Get yourself free from her. Do not allow her to stay another day or night at your house. She was out; keep her out. You have options. Take some time to write them down. Then take the option that makes you the most successful. Realize that this woman is and has been sleeping with other men all along. She was never yours and isn't yours now. Stand up for yourself and don't allow her or anyone else to treat you other than respectfully. Also, work on your self-esteem and get your job back. There are options for daycare or paying a friend or family member to help watch the child. The woman should be paying at least half of the expense. Take care of yourself.

Told her she could spend the night last night after her and my son got back and we would just keep our distance and talk the next day when she saw her therapist. So she shows up trashed out of her mind I video it and send it to her parents who call me an asshole and all other sorts of stuff. While I was on the phone with her Mom she throws herself down the stairs and screamed that I pushed her. Im narrating this for her mother while she is laying on the ground just relaxing apparently. She eventually bolts to another hotel. Called police on her incase she tried something crazy. I have my son back and Im done. Told her she cant see him unsupervised until we have a legal agreement and she needs to go to therapy and rehab if she ever wants to have private visitation at all. I knew she’d self implode, just figured she could manage 3 hours unsupervised.

You absolutely have to get a Voice Activated Recorder and carry it on you at all times. Hell I'd get one of those body cameras that the police have. She threw herself down some stairs and claimed you pushed her? She will set you up on a false DV charge. The police will show up and you will have to leave the house. Protect yourself here.

Hey guy, the VAR thing is real. I had one myself. I realize it feels surreal and like you're in Mission Impossible right now, but this is something good people sometimes have to do.

Order one immediately if you can't go buy one, and seriously get it overnighted. People here can probably give you recommendations on a good one that's cheap.

It has happened before that BS end up in jail because of this sort of thing. You cannot have that.

Get a SONY at Walmart or BesT Buy.

Read the instructions thoroughly and get good batteries.

Maybe text her “nighty night babe - please don’t return”.

That should get her attention.

VAR brother.

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I have my son back and Im done. Told her she cant see him unsupervised until we have a legal agreement and she needs to go to therapy and rehab if she ever wants to have private visitation at all.

Please see an attorney TODAY (even if it has to be a videoconference) and get emergency temporary custody orders in place until said final legal agreement is in place. If you do not do this legally, she could come back and take him and you have zero recourse.

While I was on the phone with her Mom she throws herself down the stairs and screamed that I pushed her.

Another echo of get a VAR and keep it on you at all times. I know that throwing herself down the stairs is her MO but the police don't know that. I remember the first time you posted about it thinking "that's crazy, why would anyone do that?" I believe you but you must know that most people are going to assume you hurt her. Saying she threw herself down that stairs is the same thing as she ran into a wall ... that it's a standard lie that people that abuse might use.

She really seems crazy but she also seems calculated. Says that you pushed her ... the idea of frameing you for DV has entered her mind.

We have seen fake DV cases on here many times. The husband is pulled out of the house. He is paying for a hotel plus the morgage and all the bills, has supervised visitation... has to pay legal fees for his own Charges... The WW is seen as the victim and everyone is trying to help her out...

There was one case on here where things went the other way because the guy had a VAR. His wife started hitting and abuseing him while pretending she was being hit. The police heard the recording and removed her from the home.

So she shows up trashed out of her mind I video it and send it to her parents who call me an asshole and all other sorts of stuff. While I was on the phone with her Mom she throws herself down the stairs and screamed that I pushed her. Im narrating this for her mother while she is laying on the ground just relaxing apparently.

It also doesn't seem like anything productive comes from you communicating with her parents. I can't see how it does anyway.

Save your recording somewhere safe. Make a copy. Email it to yourself. Etc.

VAR might not even be enough. Get one for sure, but if that's the kind of crap she's going to pull I would suggest getting a body cam for yourself or dash cam that you can put on a shelf somewhere and grab at am moment's notice.

You have to have SOMETHING that will document this in stone. If you want to get higher end, get a gopro that has bluetooth and install the app on your phone this way you can activate it remotely.

STOP CONTACTING HER PARENTS. If this goes to court they will say you called threatening them or her and have phone records to "prove" it.

Yes, get a VAR but I agree with others. You need some sort of video documentation. If she comes over and starts an argument and hits herself, a video recording would be much better than a voice recording to prove her craziness.

I hope you see now that it won't be all "well just work out the custody and everything will work out"

With the money she makes, you are entitled to child support!

Judges usually want 50/50 custody. This case is different. Shes unfit and most likely will be drunk driving with your kid in the car. Shes unstable. Get a VAR, get a video recorder. You can't trust her

I wouldn't even be subtle about the VAR. Don't hide it. Tell her that you have it and are recording all conversations with her from now on. Having the recording is great insurance but never having to use it is even better. If she knows you are recording she will think twice and announcing you are recording gets you around any issues with the laws in your state. If she continues to talk to you after you have told her you are recording she is agreeing to be recorded. If she didn't agree she could quit talking.

I had her call the police to explain everything the next morning. She talked to a psychiatrist who told her she needs intensive psychiatric treatment and rehab. She called me and told

me she’s been lying about how much she’s been drinking at work and I’ve been right about it everytime I’ve suspected she was lying about her drinking and it has been an enormous issue our whole relationship (everything has always been drinking related). She also talked to her parents who texted me and apologized for everything last night. She has also agrees she will predominantly work from home and never be alone with Person X again and only meet in required group meetings at work or talk by email or phone if necessary and they are no longer friends. Agreed to enter program and AA (weve already found one and she starts next week) and to never drink again. She just ordered a Breathalyzer so I can check her daily if she has to go to work. Seems committed. Swears on our sons life that shes only lied about the drinking and has not ever cheated on me anymore than drunken messages I’ve seen. Agreed to let me run software to recover deleted things on her phone and to release custody to me if I find anything and to enable location services.

Still plan on talking to lawyer incase things go south. I figure either way I will have a better custody argument now and she might have a chance to sober up.

At this juncture, where she is being so agreeable, I have Three words of advice

polygraph

Polygraph

POLYGRAPH

Good luck and stay strong

Wow, it sounds like she may have had some kind of breakthru but realize that in a situation like trying to change her lifestyle all at once by stopping drinking, getting psych help, changing work style, quitting her BF, etc there will be as many steps forward as back.

You can help her but cannot do the hard work for her. You should keep going in the direction that you need to go and if that plan includes divorce, so be it.

Good luck TAY with a lot of help things may get better!

PS. why can she drink so much at work and work events? Does she work at a bar or event place, brewery?