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Tay, I suggest you get more IC time as well. Keep going.

I understand you wanting to help the mother of your child, but your writing screams codependency and Mr. Nice Guy.

You yourself grew up in an unhealthy household, like you said. Staying with her, you will put your son in the same shitty environment. Its going to be messy. He deserves better, and so do you. She has been completely disrespecting you even if she didn't sleep with the OM. All the other things she's done to you, you've got to have some respect for yourself.

Lastly, she is endangering you and your son. You need to see that. She's throwing herself downstairs, and then, trying to blame you for it, but she's also a raging alcoholic. Take control of the situation, and get your son and yourself stable. That means she has to go. She gets help and gets to visit your boy until she fixes herself. With her actions, and a domestic against you from lying about your throwing her down the stairs you're going to end up with CPS taking over your son. You need to take a step back and read what you've written and see how it looks.

Also, you've got some outdated beliefs about the court system. If you Divorce her, she will owe you CS and SP for a time. You will need to get a new job, but you will most likely get full custody of the child. That is safer for your son. You need to see that. Just b/c she gave birth to your son, doesn't make her a good parent. She's got some work to do to earn the MOM title. Right now, she's just someone who gave birth.

TAY, brother, support is support, do help her as it can only help you and the relationship.

Buffer

Exactly my dilemma. I have no problem not drinking but I don’t want to foster anymore codependence. I will keep a dry house and likely won’t drink for a couple months but I thought it to be enablement to agree to superficial conditions.

Last night she agreed to let me text OM. In the morning she changed her mind saying she didn’t want to lose her

job. Found number and texted anyway. Nothing threatening just wanting to clear things up (she told me he wanted to get beers with me) but she still freaks out when I attempt to contact him. She kept claiming it was inappropriate to contact him on a weekend. Anyway. Immediately after he sends her a

picture of him eating her favorite takeout from his apartment on google teams.

She says it is a coincidence and had nothing to do with eachother.

Also talked to my psychiatrist today. She literally was like I’m not sure i should even be saying this but you need to get the fuck out. She said gaslighting, manipulation and abuse and she will not change because she likely has BPD

Save yourself and your child from a life of chaos and abuse. LISTEN TO YOU THERAPIST!!!

This is no longer about you or her!!! This is about your CHILD!!!

Get away from your wife to safe your child from getting really messed up!!!

She kept claiming it was inappropriate to contact him on a weekend. Anyway. Immediately after he sends her a

picture of him eating her favorite takeout from his apartment on google teams.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Seriously. Dude. Come on. She actually had the audacity to tell you it wasn't appropriate to message her boyfriend on the weekend.

She has a boyfriend,and is with you. And she is telling you what is appropriate?

And, you realize her freaking out was all about protecting him. She knew his wife may see the text,because he is with his family on the weekends.

And that text he sent her? It's because they are still together. You just happened to see it.

He’s single. He sent the picture immediately after I texted him.

I know the weekend thing is bullshit. She admitted as much. She said she doesn’t want to lose her job so she doesn’t want me to talk to him.

He's being alpha male and throwing shit in your face. Immediately texting her eating her favourite food is giving you the finger big time. He's showing your WW he thinks nothing of you and neither does she.

^^^^ Pay careful attention to this because it is 100% correct.

Yep, I’d further add you don’t need her damn permission for anything.

I mean yes I know it sounds ridiculous. But does her scheduling an std test and polygraph mean nothing? Also found search in her browser for metronidazole in April. At first she said she was searching for metro now she says she doesn’t remember.

See what is versus what you want to see.

The facts are her actions don’t lie.

Forget what she says. Watch what she does.

You're still in denial TAY. She is protecting her boyfriend and not you, while you're the husband and father of her child.

Does that not piss you off? C'mon dude. Stand up for yourself. She gives zero respect to you, and neither does the OM. Whats the point of texting him anyway. He is not in a relationship with you. Its your Wife that owes you fidelity. Not him.

Until you Man up, you're going to get worked from all angles. Her family, her, and the OM. You need to show her that you mean business. Talk to an attorney and learn about your rights. Than start separating from her. You can always change you mind later on.

Yes. Trust me I am very pissed. She says he just doesn’t want to be involved and she doesn’t want to lose her job. Again though, she is already signed up for a polygraph and an std and is in intensive psychotherapy so I’m still just holding it together to make sure she gets sober. She hasn’t drank in about 10 days. I breathalyze her when she gets home. I just feel like I can suck it up for a few weeks and it’ll be worth it if she can get sober. Even if I decide all this shit is enough, but I I mean signing up for a polygraph seems pretty serious.

And already contacted an attorney who told me exactly what to do to protect myself for now.

Great, thats a good first step. Look, no one here can make the decision for you. We are just active participants on a board about infidelity, but we happen to have first hand experience and the collective wisdom here is almost always right.

I hope for the sake of you and your child, that your WW stays sober. As things continue to develop, I think its important for you to sit her down and have her own up to her mess in front of her family. She needs to apologize to you, in front of her mom and dad and let them know that they need to realize that you were the rock in this relationship. If you are to stay, she needs to be on your side, and not use her mom and dad to her advantage.

you've got a lot of work to do. Keep reading and keep posting. Again, I'd move on to at least prep for D, and show her you mean business. You can always stop, but you need leverage going forward. Also, don't forget to buy and keep the Var on you when she is around. She can throw a DV charge against you at anytime if she starts drinking again, and you're trying to stop her.