SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thank you for the posts. I have read them carefully. I've avoided this for due to TMI, but here is something that strikes at the heart of the issue...

My wife is a timid person. She is IMMENSLEY talented, but gets walked all over. She is a remarkable piano player (even had a piano tape out when cassettes were the thing). She has authored 72 books (all but 2 under contract in the education industry). But she gets passed over repeatedly for passion projects and piano gigs as she just cannot stand up for herself. Her Achilles heel is a craving for validation. Making things worse, her first husband (I'm #2) was very abusive, and she fled with no money. Between marriages if a guy gave her validating flattery she would fall for him for just that reason. Now she's going to a famous hotel with many somewhat older artists in residence and she has a very vulnerable person. Very. Easy to take advantage of.

About a week ago we had it out. A very frank discussion and I laid my cards out and insisted on a response. She tells me not to worry, but she also makes it clear that if a fellow artist wants to take her dinner or lunches, she's not going to say 'no' and tells me not to worry about it. After losing the love of my youth I have terrible trust anxiety issues.

So it's going to be a long week. She leaves tomorrow. I like to think she will be honest with me if she falls.

Please continue to post here during the week of her trip. We will do our best to support you.

I can only imagine the stress and anxiety you will suffer with this week (and hoping forward).

I'm sorry you are in this situation, I think I know what's having a high likelihood to happen. I am familiar with the traits your wife displays, because my wife has those and it was not only one betrayal.

If we were in your shoes, and she'd refused to allow me to check in, there would be a empty home at her return, just the divorce papers.

But that's me.

Spot on BackfromtheStorm.

This craving for validation concerns me. That was the whole basis for my H’s affairs. Fortunately he recognized his poor choices but for 30 years he needed that ego boost.

I’m not saying he had constant affairs or anything like that. What I am saying is I am lucky it wasn’t worse AND that when I finally stood up for myself he learned a very hard lesson.

And either he changed or I would have divorced him.

I dont have anything to add that hasn’t already been posted about. I just hate that you’re in this position.

I'm sorry honey, but you're making a mistake. I'm telling you that bluntly. It's like leaving an alcoholic to mind the liquor store for a few days. Hey, I won't touch it - we talked about it!!! You know your wife has vulnerability issues, she has a weakness, maybe not specifically for cheating or sex, but things that could lead up to that. So instead of helping her and protecting her FROM HER WEAKNESS, you're setting her up with an opportunity for failure. If she fails and gets involved with somebody, whoever, part of that is gonna be your fault because you're letting it happen. I know we can't be there all the time, and people have to strengthen themselves, but this is NOT the way to do it, and this is NOT the opportunity. You've setting her up to fail. You should be there to support her and help her to prevent anything and to grow. This is not some small thing like learning to ride a bike, whoops, I fell off. If she falls into some pitfall because of some guys' validation....your marriage is at stake. People often don't come back from infidelity, not fully. We kid ourselves and many people do...but we don't often come back from it.

Don't take this risk. Go with her, show up, be there, even for a portion, but BE A PRESENCE THERE. Considering what you've told us, this is too big a risk, and I think most of us know how this is gonna turn out. I think you're being way too optimistic. I wouldn't leave my husband alone with some sexy trollop which might be the equivalent, and tell myself....oh, he's got the will power. The hell he does. People are weak, be wise, put up the guard rails even if she objects.....later she will thank you.