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Vindicate (v.t.)

To clear from an accusation, suspicion or criticism; To justify by providing evidence; To maintain or defend a cause against opposition; To provide justification for; To lay claim to; to assert a right to; to claim; To liberate; to set free; to deliver; To avenge; to punish

en.wiktionary.org/wiki/vindicate

"Vindictive"? Damn straight. OM2 should've thought twice before screwing a married woman.

What ever became of OM #3 & #4? Maybe you mentioned them and I missed it...

[This message edited by Silencio at 10:17 PM, June 7th (Tuesday)]

Im sure someone has already said this but this thread is like a soap opera. I have to tune in to see what happens next.

sorry for your pain chopping

Forgot to mention, my purse VAR source has been exposed to WW. OM#2's BS told him (I emphatically asked her not to), and he told WW through that last nastygram he sent.

Oh well. Probably doesn't matter now.

WW again agrees to polygraph, actually eager to prove herself (we'll see if she follows through, hope so). She's a mess from all the events of the day, curled up and cried much of the evening. She is afraid her job performance is suffering, she thinks people are noticing. Wants to resign...not good.

What ever became of OM #3 & #4? Maybe you mentioned them and I missed it...

Both overseas, old school friends, apparently. She has had very infrequent and limited contact with them in recent years, as far as I can tell. Something to address later, but we've got enough on our plate at the mo'.

[This message edited by ChoppingOnions at 2:04 AM, June 8th (Wednesday)]

My FWW's OM threatened me as well. he told me if I continued to harass him he would contact the police. I blew it off, told him I was gonna sue him for alienation of affection.

One thing to consider...after I outed the affair to OM's live-in girlfriend I realized she had as much an axe to grind with my wife as I did with OM....so I stopped providing info. I wanted to protect our kids didn't want them exposed to this. I also didn't want any backlash at my wife's job.

Something to think about.

Aside from that, good job. You are sticking to your guns. Like others have mentioned, she sounds like she is still in dreamland...alligator tears and promises of a happy family .....

Actions speak much louder than words. She hasn't even begun to own her shit.

Stay strong.

I would be inclined to set up a computer recorder on the home phone to monitor all calls, then make sure that OP#2 was given the number so he could fuck away. Of course one sided recording is legal here, not sure about there.

I haven't had chance to read all the responses but I think you absolutely did the right thing letting OM#2's BS hear the message.

He was lying to her and she would have been in a position where she didn't know what to believe. I'm sure hearing it was painful but it will have helped her massively in the long run.

I know you're in a horrible situation right now but I'm glad to hear it is going so well. I do hope she isn't hiding more

To me the best thing to do is for you to give OM#2 a call yourself. Ask him point blank why he has an ax to grind when he was the one that went and screwed your wife. Put it back in his court.

I've been following along and if OM#2 has sent threating e-mails to WW, then perhaps you could use them to get a RO?

I do think you & WW need to send a certified mail NC letter that if he contacts her any further then legal action will follow??

Something to think about!!

CO,

Your WW taking a poly seems like a good choice. It could confirm facts and/or cut straight to the chase and make R'ing more efficient. I wish I had done it. TT sucks. Fog is so powerful. I trusted my wife after initial discovery not understanding the power of the fog, which resulting in me experiencing more significant TT 8 months later. It was very painful. I hope you can avoid this.

I like aesir's idea, except instead of using your real home phone, set up a magic jack number and don't give it to anyone else. That way, when it rings, you know who it is.

Nothing wrong with revenge if it's legal and doesn't take too much time or energy.

Hey CO, have you suggested to BS of OM#2 of this website? She might want to find "us".

I'd like to hear more about "legal" revenge ideas. Is there another thread around? Should we start one?

Hey ChOn,

He emailed WW saying it's now a 'war' and to be prepared for the outcome. Threatening to call the police. Says I'm "vindictive" and that she deserves better than the "asshole" that I am.

This is living proof that they always affair down. Good grief, where did she find this lunatic?

[This message edited by shattered123 at 10:15 AM, June 8th (Wednesday)]

If OM#2 is sending her texts or leaving VM's at her work #, she needs to forward them on to you (or save the VMs for you to hear). She shouldn't be in contact with him at all. She doesn't need to know what is happening between his BS & him. The minute she hears his voice on VM she needs to stop listening and call you. She can control the flow of info. She seems to like the drama.

Hey CO, have you suggested to BS of OM#2 of this website? She might want to find "us".

Not to be adversarial to other members of SI by directly contradicting them, but I would suggest not telling BW of OM#2 at this point. She is too emotional and is a loose canon, regarding your (CO's) sources. She will easily figure out which is your thread, and will be likely to expose more of your sources to OM, even if she means you no harm in doing so. You do not want OM#2 tracking you through SI, either.

Don't tell your WW about SI at this point either. SI is supposed to be a "safe" place for you. You can tell others when the A's are really over and WW is out of the fog and needing accountability from other WS'es. When OM#2 is off your back and his BS is not so emotional, but is thinking clearly, you can tell her about SI so she can also get support.

Says I'm "vindictive" and that she deserves better than the "asshole" that I am.

Does OM believe your WW deserves a cheating a-hole like him who threatens the legitimate husband of his OW?

[This message edited by HurtButHopeful? at 11:17 AM, June 8th (Wednesday)]

CO,

Can your WW change her phone # to stop the continued breaking of NC? Why is your WW answering the phone (or is OM leaving msgs)?

I would see if you can block off ALL forms of communication w/ OM, work and home.

jc

OM#2 continues to escalate things, emailing WW with threats to me, and posting links of personal information. His BW obviously isn't holding her cards as I asked, and so I'm ending that avenue.

I emailed him back, as obviously he has no legal standing to enforce anything. Reiterated NC between him and our family, and pointed out the statutes that indicate his threats mean harassment and will result in legal recourse if he continues.

WW is not getting with the program. She didn't inform me about him breaking NC (I found out myself). She says it's because she's afraid of the escalation of matters. She broke our agreement, and now she's going to sleep elsewhere tonight. DD is going to be affected in a real way now, and I'm really pissed off about this.

CO--you may want to see an attorney ASAP and have him/her write a letter laying out the illegality and actionable nature of his threats. That sometimes has a chilling effect when other communications don't work.

Sorry your WW isn't standing beside you on this. I expected my WW to wake up immediate after confrontation/dday, but THAT didn't happen. It rarely does.

BW obviously isn't holding her cards as I asked, and so I'm ending that avenue.

I think you are the "exception" to the normal course of a BS. As in, you did things methodical and correctly. Many BSs, me very much included in this category, do not act rationally in the raw days just after dday.

Yes, I would not share any info you don't want your WW to hear with OMs BW.

jc

[This message edited by Just Crushed at 5:40 PM, June 8th (Wednesday)]

She didn't inform me about him breaking NC (I found out myself). She says it's because she's afraid of the escalation of matters. She broke our agreement, and now she's going to sleep elsewhere tonight.

Is this because of the rules you set up, or because she is having a hissy fit?

If it is her idea to sleep elsewhere, you might consider keeping an eye on her and her hotel room, b/c OM might also be sleeping elsewhere tonight.

I hope it is your idea, not hers, because it will give her a big dose of reality.

You have probably already thought of this, but do OM's emails have the time of day they were sent? If they do, it will help prove he is harrassing you on his company's time if you want to get him in trouble at work for his unprofessional behavior.

Do OM#1, 2 and WW all work for the same company?

[This message edited by HurtButHopeful? at 6:12 PM, June 8th (Wednesday)]