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twistedupinside ( member #26179) posted at 3:19 AM on Saturday, July 24th, 2010
My answer for 20/20 Hindsight What I wish I'd done is:
Let him go so he could be with her.
I tried 5 or 6 times to do this for 2 months out. Now, 10 months out and trying (in vain) to R, we're still on the same square.
me:47 him: 49
Dday #1: 09/30/09
Dday #2: 07/24/10 Trickled Truth
R begins 07/21/11
No it's not holding a grudge, it's called making a list and remembering everything so when it's my turn to drive the karma bus I know who to run over!
SuspiciousWife ( member #18108) posted at 3:42 AM on Wednesday, July 28th, 2010
Me - BW, 44
Him - FWH, 44
OW - former co-worker
3 great kids
DDay - April 25, 2008 - mostly EA with one make-out session
unarmbears ( member #7480) posted at 6:26 AM on Saturday, August 7th, 2010
Bumping for the new folks.
Take care of you!
FBS-Me, 67
FWH-Him, 62
2 Sons 33 and 38
2 Daughters 36 & 31 And 5 darling grandchildren!
"Love is an impulsive act, it's free. It's the story we tell about it afterward that's our poverty." Byron Katie
Jen ( member #26584) posted at 4:48 AM on Sunday, August 8th, 2010
bump 
Me former Booger Bear ...
https://youtu.be/1TcLw3TOIN8
Hand Me Down MatchBox 20
https://youtu.be/iFdOAyyn76M
Love Falls by HellYeah
Zerbe ( member #27620) posted at 10:22 PM on Sunday, August 8th, 2010
I wish I had trusted my gut as soon as I first suspected. I wish I had contacted his BW immediately. I wish that I had not tried to be nice and honorable for so long.
Me: BH 40
Her: STBXW 37
2 daughters (1 mine{11} ,1 ours{4})
D-Day 1: 6/30/09 (3 year LTA revealed as well as one that was just beginning)
4th and hopefully last D-Day: 2/16/10
NOT!! Dday #5 9/8/10
Final Dday 10/12/10 - D will be final 1/11
phatchance12 ( member #28280) posted at 10:52 PM on Sunday, August 8th, 2010
I wish I had married SOMEONE ELSE. 
Me: Faithful Wife.
Him: Who gives a shit, really.
Caught him on Feb 22nd, 2010.
Who the fuck does he think he is changing my life forever without asking me?
still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 3:21 AM on Monday, August 9th, 2010
Yeah! That being "nice and honorable for so long"! I forgot THAT part of my marriage coming undone. I kept trying to Do the Right Thing, when the WS hadn't ever tried to do ONE thing right, not one. Yeah.
Today, I wish I had been thinking a little harder about my financial future, instead of trying to make him think "she is so kind and generous and not a bitch, maybe I'll stop this A and ..." Talk about self-delusion!
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
completeshock ( member #19334) posted at 3:29 AM on Monday, August 9th, 2010
I wish I had left him sooner. I've now spent time on my own, working on myself and am happier than I have ever been with myself.
Sometimes you have to forget what you want and remember what you deserve.
RKT429SS ( member #28883) posted at 9:06 PM on Monday, August 9th, 2010
I'm only 5 mo out so there is little worthy hindsight but if anything....I would have 180'd more and foreced/encouraged the MC thing which did happen, but overall not very well.
Me - BS 38
Her - WS 37
MOM - coworker,with 2 kids, EA&PA approx. 6 mo
Us Married 10 yrs (together 15 yrs)
1 girl, 1 boy
DDay 3.15.2010
Working on R
phoenix_vs ( member #29193) posted at 12:30 AM on Tuesday, August 10th, 2010
Thank you for your wisdom and for all the following posts. I'm two weeks into the latest blip on his cheating radar, and find myself at rather a disadvantage. You see, because I was "all in" in this relationship, and he was "bluffing" with aces up his sleeve, I have not taken care of myself financially like I should have. I have shared expenses including his house payment for five years, amid promises of getting married. What is the cost of this stupidity? I'll have to add it up and get back to you.
I'm not sad that you lied to me. I'm sad that I can never believe you again.
Well, I'm sad that you lied to me, too.
hard_yards ( member #23549) posted at 6:59 AM on Sunday, August 15th, 2010
bump for newbies 
I feel like I'm in a parallel universe... everything looks the same... but something's just not right...
KarenDC ( member #11715) posted at 12:18 PM on Tuesday, August 17th, 2010
Me-BS; Him-FWS; Both late 50s
Together 42/Married 36yrs
D-Day 1/3/2005 total shock by me
D-Day #2 4/25/2017 numb
Divorcing
"What you feel only matters to you, what matters is what you do to those you claim to love"
tammyjean100 ( member #28159) posted at 6:04 PM on Sunday, August 22nd, 2010
Bump for EVERYONE who has joined the SI Club, whether you are new here, or been here for a while.
Thank you again, Katherine.
TJ/Silver Girl 
You can't overcome anything without facing it. Betty Ford
thiswontdefineme ( member #29118) posted at 6:23 PM on Sunday, August 22nd, 2010
Excellent Katherine!
I couldn't agree more!!
“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections."
Me:40 BW
FWH:49
DD 7/24/09
NC 7/25/09
R 21 mo and doing ok
hexed ( member #19258) posted at 6:51 PM on Sunday, August 22nd, 2010
glad to see this post here again.
i don't post in JFO much b/c its too painful for me still. BUT - to the new folks here... i can't tell you how spot on this is.
But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler
Deanna ( member #26854) posted at 8:41 PM on Sunday, August 22nd, 2010
I wish I had checked his cell phone records sooner!
DDay - 11/4/09
BS-49 DDay
fWS-46 DDay
EA/PA with childhood sweetheart/ kissed
R - 11/25/09
Life is not a dress rehearsal
lovemyfamily75 ( member #29394) posted at 9:37 PM on Sunday, August 22nd, 2010
Nothing to add, but want to thank everyone who has contributed to this thread so far.
I have gained so much comfort from reading it.
ScribblingMum ( member #20097) posted at 6:09 AM on Monday, August 23rd, 2010
I mosly wish i would've gone back to school a long time ago (I only have an A.A. degree). I've been a SAHM for 24 years (lots of volunteer work, but no paid). About 10 years ago, I took a few night classes at the community college. I wish to god i would've stuck w/ it and got my B.A. My dd has special needs so i ended up home schooling her.
I feel so stuck because i cannot support myself...
~ScribblingMum~
D-D 1: 12/23/06 - Porn (dd bust him on-line)
D-D 2: 4-25-08 - Massage P.'s(new act. in pretend recov.)
D-D 3:9-9-08 Caught call m. girl
D-Day 4: 6/30/09 -: free MP g.f./prost.
D-Day 5: 1-10-10: new mp prost's.
~DONE!
Pentup ( member #20563) posted at 5:34 PM on Wednesday, August 25th, 2010
Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)
colezmom1221 ( member #28981) posted at 6:40 PM on Wednesday, August 25th, 2010
I wish I would have done more PI work when my gut instincts started kicking in. I was too trusting then, believed he'd never wander into another woman's arms. Little did I know....
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