Each SI thread (like this one) is limited by the board software to 1,000 posts. Once yours hits that just make a new thread in JFO (or wherever is appropriate) titled something like "Wife acting strange Part 2". That'll be fine. Nothing to worry about and now you know!
This has all happened so very fast. Are you eating? Drinking water (no alcohol, it is a depressant and you don't need more of that right now)? Sleeping? Here's the beginner's drill that we try to give out but may have missed:
Eat - little meals, more frequently that you otherwise would. Your brain needs to cope with this and running a brain on no fuel means no correct thinking. Drop down to simple, healthy, protein-rich foods if you need. If you can't eat then Smoothies or a product like Ensure, Muscle Milk, etc.
Drink - Water, no alcohol. Fruit juices (real ones, not flavored junk) are good, too.
Sleep - naps if necessary. For the first month or so I couldn't sleep more than an hour a night. I lost a pound a day for 20 days and a half-pound a day for another 10 days or so. The Infidelity Diet we call it. I called it the 2x2x2 diet. 2 hours of sleep, 2 packs of cigarettes, and 2 pots of coffee per day was what I lived on. My body cannibalized my fat and muscle, and my thoughts and anxiety showed it. Don't be me.
Our brains are layered up. Low, low down there's the lizard brain. It comes out earlier in men than women, typically, and when it does it is time to put a conversation to rest for an hour or so to recover. Google this and learn to recognize it in you and your WW.
Next up is what I call the Little Mammal. It sits down there and says, "Gimme." It doesn't want plans, it doesn't want thinking (thinking burns calories and for 99% of our existence calories have been in short supply). It wants what it wants and Status Quo is easiest on it. No thinking, save calories, and, worst for us, No Change.
Finally there's the thinking and reasoning parts of our brains. I often think that this part's most important job is to justify to ourselves and others decisions made by the lower two parts.
Your brain is going to try to do a primitive "saving throw" of brush it all, or the hardest bits, under the rug. This is normal human behavior. You are a normal human, as is your WW and your kids. From an evolutionary point of view your kids, deep down, believe that their lives depend upon keeping the family together because more folks means more survival chances.
Become aware of these things and sit back and watch each person go through their roles. I know that that requires a level of detachment that you might not be capable of right now, but try to be more aware of what is going on, watch the dynamics in play.
Why should you do this? Because each person involved is seeking to get back to status quo right now. Your Personal Narrative has been destroyed and that is a huge thing. The Personal Narrative is your story of your life to yourself and serves as the basis of your safety and security. Now you find out that a major source of truth in your life (your WW) cannot be believed.
She also robbed you of your Personal Agency. That's your ability to make correct decisions based upon true knowledge of life events. Now, you find that she's been lying to you for a while, you got in a fight with a guy (probably rare) and you find that you're doing unimagined things like buying VARs and paying somebody to go through your wife's phone with a fine-toothed comb.
No matter what she says, no matter what she does, you and your girls will survive. In time, with good decisions, you can all thrive. Whether or not your WW makes herself safe enough to be allowed to participate in your life is, largely, up to her. You can't control her and if you could, would you believe what's she's doing is for the right reasons?
