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Ignore her entitlement and follow the custody arrangement to the letter. Do not cave to her. If she upsets your daughter and her party then that is on the ex, not you. If you do cave she will manipulate you in everything from now on.

That is a big deal and I don't want her memories of it tarnished by her asshole parents.

You're only an asshole parent if you act like one.

Personally, I would say to my daughter that you’re sorry but her mother is demanding that she come in to your home and chaperone her during her party. That isn’t acceptable to you and so it’s probably best to celebrate her birthday with her friends at your place another weekend! Yes, this will cause friction between the two of them but that is of your ex’s doing.

You HAVE to state and maintain your boundaries. Let your daughter see and learn that lesson from you.

Please stand your ground. Keep your home safe and untarnished from your ex. Your daughter should be able to have the 16th bday party at your place. Choose your daughter, she deserves to be the priority in this situation.

Your ex can have her own party to celebrate the occasion with her family. The drama is unnecessary and indicative of her displeasure with the current state of affairs. She is a train wreck.

Your wife's behavior towards their dad influences them more than anything you do.

You hosting the party highlights her own failure and shows your wife for 'who' she is. Among other things, very self centered.

There are many ways to celebrate a 16th. Tell your wife to plan her own celebration in a similar or entirely different format.

Perhaps at her parents house...or just a mother daughter trip.

Can I suggest that you speak with your daughter as 2 adults and explain to her that you are not happy with her mother coming to the party. Find a compromise.

Maybe your daughter has a party in your house with her friends and another party in her mother's house. Most divorced people would do this.Choose the days.

Stand your ground Westway. You have been through so much and you have always shown to have the intelligence and strength in dealing with problems.

Your house is your safe haven, do not let her come and snoop/taint your space.

[This message edited by cannotforgive at 1:25 PM, February 16th (Sunday)]

Nope, you have your time she has hers.

I’d just say ok, maybe it’s time we explain to everyone (friends, family, etc.) why I divorced you. Just so everyone knows why I don’t want to be around you. It’s probably a good idea to get the truth out.

So now my daughter is caught between her manipulative mom and I. I don't want her to have to choose or piss her mom off, but at the same time my place would be much better for a big girl party. So now I have to decide if I'm going to let the X come over. I just feel like if I let her have her way in this I will be setting a precedent, and I don't want that. This whole thing sucks. This is my daughter's 16th birthday. That is a big deal and I don't want her memories of it tarnished by her asshole parents.

Only ONE of her parents is choosing to act like an asshole... and it's obvious which one it is.

If the visitation is scheduled on what would otherwise be your time, just keep to the plan. If it's scheduled on your STBX's time and if she's not willing to back down... reschedule the event. Under no circumstances should you allow your STBX to bully her way through your door though, because you're right... it's going to set the precedent.

Disappointments are part of life. If your DD doesn't quite understand today, she will as she matures. And frankly, your STBX is the one who comes out looking like a turd on this one. You and your DD made those plans together. So, it's your STBX who barged in and wrecked them. If she won't back down, the stink will cling to her, not you.

She called me last night and cussed me out on the phone, asking me why I was trying to turn our daughter against her and embarrass her.

God the ego ... that she even thinks it has anything to do with her?!?!?

Hey brother, if you still want the sleepover to proceed and the stbxWW needs to be there, she can come and sit in the corner with the infidelity hat on. The other mom can help etc.

if any of stbxWW family get involved tell them to but out it has nothing to do with them. It is about your daughter and her wishes.

Buffer

Tell them you have ZERO Tolerance for SERIAL CHEATERS inside your new home and that's precisely why the M ended, another reason why EXPOSURE with ALL family and close friends should be done and why at least stakeholders should be made aware of the huge betrayal in an effort to try to avoid/reduce situations like this, and you're right, if you cave on this it would set a very bad precedent and would show your STBXWW still somehow has the upper hand at least in some cases. DO NOT ALLOW THIS.

Tell your wife it's going to be a day later than what the real date is.

When she shows up just let her know she has earned just as much honesty as she has given.

She's claiming that you're "trying to embarrass her"?

I think this clueless cheater needs to be reminded that you've shown a huge amount of restraint and if you really wanted to "embarrass" her all you have to do is get the word out of why you divorced her.

Tell her the next time she runs to mommy and daddy to get them involved in something between you and your daughter that the gloves will be off and you'll spill the beans on her whorish ways to her entire family.

That's a really shitty position to be in, and you WW knew exactly what she was / is doing. There is nothing more pathetic than a parent using their child against the other parent.

16 is a big one, especially for girls. I commend you for seeing through the bullshit for what it is. This is what your daughter wants, period.

There is absolutely no problem with hosting your daughters 16th at your place, with all her friends and her loving Dad. Your WW can do something equally special for her daughter at her place.

You are right, your new place is yours, and you make the decisions. Really admire your decisiveness on separation and dedication to your kids.

It's ironic, when you consistently do the right and honorable thing, the right people tend to notice.

You should tell her if you wanted to embarrass her you could just show the evidence of her shenanigans that you have to her family. I'm not saying threaten her but she really isn't a position to be making ridiculous demands and dictating how things are going be.

She's acting like this because in her mind she basically got away with it. Ya she got caught, lost her marriage, etc but her secret, for the most part, is safe and she gets to have her fun without having to worry about a husband she has to dodge.

I think she needs a reminder that she's not calling the shots. And if you back down or "compromise" simply to placate her misdirected anger then she'll just keep on doing it. Because she'll know it works.

[This message edited by JS84 at 12:28 AM, February 17th (Monday)]

And her actions scream “ME! ME! ME!”

My post from a few weeks ago.

I suggest that the next time she calls you and curses you out - or attempts that again - HANG UP!!

You are not obligated under any circumstances to have to engage with her under those circumstances. Do that a few times and she sill get the message that SHE no longer controls you or the situation.

Take her power and controlling antics away from her. Now.

I don’t see any legitimate reason for her to do this other than to make sure you know she is still the boss.

Stand your ground.

Who’s weekend is it to have your daughter?

If she continues to pull this garbage, bring her to court.

Her behavior is an excellent way to make the wedge between and and your daughters even wider!!!

She will lose

The weekend was a nightmare, but in the end I prevailed. WW will not be coming to the party. The party is on. Wife will be doing a party with her parents and my younger D on Thursday night at a nice restaurant. I will not be attending of course.

I reminded my WW that the pre-D arrangement is that I get our daughter for the weekends. Whatever D wants to do on the weekends with me is between her and I, not her mom. She is not under any circumstances to come into my condo. I'm not her husband anymore and she doesn't get free access to my shit. I told WW I would set another meeting with the lawyers if she wanted to go toe to toe over this. I'm ready. So far she hasn't said anything more, but I know she's stewing.

Most of the weekend was actually spent in a showdown between the MIL and I. That woman has basically declared a family war against me. I've been getting harassing texts from the brothers...even the sister in law... who I thought was kind of on my side. Turncoat bitch. I texted and told MIL that going against me would not be advisable if she didn't want to find out the lurid details and amounts of her daughter's shenanigans. I told her she only knows 1% of all the crap her daughter was up to the years we were married. Well that shut her up, for now.

Fortunately my D was busy with a homework assignment over the weekend so she was sequestered in her room and wasn't aware of most of it. The poor kid shouldn't have to put up with all this crap.

Who’s weekend is it to have your daughter?

I get my daughter every weekend from Friday 3:00 p.m. to Sunday night 8:00 p.m. Mom gets her on the weekdays.

What do you ladies think of me hiring a manicurist to come and do the girls' nails at the party? There will be seven girls. I heard of a lady I know doing this for her daughter's party, but I'm not sure its is something that is done at these evening sleepovers.

Block her family. There is zero reason to have any contact with them. Then tell your ex to have a talk with all of them,because if they want to continue to harass you, you will have to explain to them exactly why you have divorced her.

I think the manicurist is a GREAT idea! The girls will love it.