SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Just a question.

If your lawyer is right about the finances and your wife has access to legal advice from friends she would also know roughly where she stands if you divorce.

So why would she file.

I would be willing to believe reality hasn't set in yet. Sometimes it takes going before a judge for them to get it. During my divorce I was the higher wage earner and refused to believe my stbx deserved that even though worked my ass off. At the end of the day marriage was just a business transaction in the eyes of the law. But some things are worth paying for.

[This message edited by 1survivor at 1:41 PM, April 22nd (Friday)]

You should try to get a financial timeline from your lawyer so you know what waiting to file will accrue you in additional benefits.

3 months = X dollars additional and six months = Y additional dollars. You are under a lot of stress with this situation and I'd hate to see you in the exact same boat six months from now. She's still having the affair and you still getting blamed for it. Screw that.

Now I like the idea of more money as much as the next guy but I draw the line at getting kicked in the nuts to get it. I think you get the point here.

Lastly, people make situations more complicated than they need to be. Yours is, like most, pretty straightforward.

1. Your wife is having an affair.

2. Your wife refuses to end the affair.

3. You are going to divorce her because of it.

That's it. Everything else is just static.

I know she cancelled a joint CC but why can't you open another and put the retainer on that?

I think you need to file ASAP for your own peace of mind and that of your kids. Limbo is an awfully stressful place.

I think it would be absolutely appropriate for you to tell her you aren't available for childcare because you are going out. The "date" comment is beneath you. IMO. Just tell her you aren't available and leave for your meeting. Let her step up. She'll be pissed, moaning that she did the bulk of the childcare for many years, so what? Let her.

It's a new day.

On the other hand if she gets the promotion the support will go up.

Good point redsox. Maybe that's what the attorney meant about waiting awhile.

JM deserves as much as he can get financially. SHE was the one who blew up a 25 year marriage for her ongoing affair with the BBC ghetto rat.

Maybe it's been lost in the 41 pages of this thread, but let's all remember that she is making the big bucks now BECAUSE JM made the sacrifice at the beginning of their marriage to continue working at his lower paying job so that SHE could go to college and thus qualify for the high paying job she has.

So JM is, in reality, a big part of the reason she is making those big bucks and he is still stuck in lower paying jobs. That means he has an absolute RIGHT to part of her big salary.

Let her sell her fancy sports car and trade down to the kind of beater JM is driving.

I'm growing weary of her "better than thou" sense of entitlement. Her "sins" are a hundred times worse than his harmless verbal-only fling with the cat lady two years ago.

Man I've been feeling good the last couple of days.

Ever since the consultation, everything seemed to fall into place.

I've been with one woman for the last 25 years, and I loved her, but I'm starting to love myself. I have too much to offer. No more letting her trying to make me feel less then.

Been walking around with my head up, making eye contact, confident, catching a few ladies making eye contact and turning their head real quick.

I know financially I'm gonna be OK. I know I have alot to offer. A few ladies have talked to me at my meetings, but I told them I'm married.

I'm not afraid anymore. I wish her the best, but I come home smiling, listening to my music, feeling FREE, and she's sitting around sulking.

And easy on "the junker" Montana.

I call her "Old Reliable"

And I appreciate the support, but I need to put my Big Boy pants on - when I flirted with that lady a couple years ago, I was 100% wrong.

It disrespected my wife and my marriage. There was no excuse for it. Even now, with what is happening, I'm still glad I didn't make the ultimate mistake.

I was wrong, but I can feel good knowing I turned away when I had a choice to make because I didn't want to do that to my wife.

I'm gonna go ahead with the divorce. I'll contact my attorney and get the ball rolling.

Keep your head up. You did the best you could. Did you make mistakes? Sure. But you tried your best, and you worked hard to make it right. Where you are at now, you have no choice but to move forward with divorce. Hopefully it will jar her back to reality, but if not, it will lead to peace for everyone involved.

Good for you, JM. Do what you need to do. I am glad Montana joined to help you

I get home from work just now (9:30), my 13 year old daughter is home alone. I ask "where's mom?" - she went out. "How long ago?" - 6:30.

I'm so done with this woman. Leave the kid home alone all night while you go out partying?

I'm documenting all these weekend things with her taking off for the night while I'm left to look after and find out where the kids are for my attorney.

I'm so sorry, JM. I'm glad you're documenting it all, but so sorry that you have it to document.

It's bad enough that she has walked out on you, but to neglect her children. That is a whole new level of low.

Good to see you wake up.

I'm so glad that you're divorcing. I'm so glad that you're feeling better. I'm so pleased to see your self-reflection, your ownership of your actions, AND your clarity of exactly what you need, want, and deserve in your marriage. In other words, your growth. I personally, find you an admirable man and I am pulling for your exit out of infidelity and into a new life without being tied to a cheater as quickly as possible. I think that you've done very well and that you seem to now have a clear focus on what your path should look like going forward.

Keep documenting the times that your WW has left the children alone, has been unavailable for child care, and has neglected them. And if you have not already, please head down to the Separation and Divorce forum and start talking to the people there. They can give you some really amazing help through the divorce and custody process.

Thank you skan

Daughter had her 3 month checkup up with her endocrinologist for her diabetes today. My wife took her, and I went myself.

We're sitting in the exam room waiting for the doctor, and my daughter leaves to use the bathroom. My wife says - "You didn't have to take separate cars, you could have come with us"

I didn't acknowledge her. She says - "you're still not talking to me?" I just rolled my eyes and shook my head.

She still doesn't get it. I'm not cordial or "friends" with people who treat me like shit.

Does she not know that you're divorcing?

5454real- if you haven't noticed by now, she's a little loopy