SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

When I found out, four years later I asked my ww what she was thinking, she said:

"I needed help to get through your dying, he helped me relax so I could deal with you."

(In the event I didn't die, he did)

She said that it was unfair that I found out about the affair because I didn't find out at the time. Besides, I was supposed to be dead and would never have found out. (sorry for living)

She went on to say the affair was ending any way.

She wanted me to get over the affair so she suggested that I think of her going out to fuck this tattooed POS like "Her going out for a massage or to yoga"

My AP feeling guilty thread is definitely a SSCS. I have another one WW said to me involving the AP:

This was when she was openly sleeping with him and we were attempting MC, one weekend my WW wanted me to drive her (she has a license but doesn't drive by herself) to a board game meetup we usually would go to. It's a 45 min drive one way.

When I told her I didn't feel like going and I didn't want to drive her, she said something along the lines of "AP drives me to places out of his way". Recently he had driven her to said meetup but not attended. She had the audacity to compare me to that bastard and try and guilt me into doing something for her while she's banging another man. I don't remember much after other than intense rage.

She said that it was unfair that I found out about the affair because I didn't find out at the time. Besides, I was supposed to be dead and would never have found out. (sorry for living)

I thought Canadians were supposed to be nice!

Remembered another one - when I was asking him why in the hell he believed he was 'in love' with his 18yo slutcakce - "I didn't do it to hurt you, you just took it too personally."

Seriously, thinking back on all of the insane stupid bullshit that came pouring out his lyin ass mouth in the last 9 months of our M, I really should get a cookie or something for never once hitting him (thought about it thousands of times, but didn't do it) or outright killing him. I showed remarkable restraint.

"I didn't think you'd care."

Asshole. Seven years together, stayed with him while the rest of my family emigrated across the world years previously. But he thought I wouldn't care? Sure, like he wouldn't care if I'd cheated on him for months?

"You'll thank me for doing this later in life."

Uh, no, fuck you.

"You'd actually really like him. You two are a lot alike."

But different enough that you'd rather be with him. Okay.

"I'm a lesbian now."

This picture of you giving him a blowjob makes that a lie!

"I think we'll be better friends when we're not married. That happens a lot. Most of the time, really."

Lady, you're off your tits.

"I lied to you to protect you. I thought you would hurt yourself."

So wait. You thought I'd hurt myself, so I'm supposed to be grateful you lied?

"I haven't been happy for a long time. If you cared, you'd have paid enough attention to see it."

Well, being gaslit and constantly lied to when I asked what we could do to get closer, well... that throws a wrench in certain gears.

"I just want you to be happy. Now you can find someone who can make you happy. You're welcome."

Yes. Yes, she said "You're welcome."

"I never wanted to marry you in the first place."

THEN WHY DID YOU SAY YES AND HAVE FIVE KIDS WITH ME!?

"I never actually cheated. I considered our marriage to be invalid. It's not my fault that you didn't know. I'm not an adulterer, and I never committed infidelity. Stop referring to it as that."

*blank stare*

"I was under no obligation to tell you that I had ended our marriage ten years ago."

Despite the fact that you referred to me as your husband, filed taxes as married, and claimed to be exclusive. Riiight.

I could go on and on, but this isn't even mental gymnastics anymore, it's mental parkour.

Wow Incarnate, just wow.

"You'd actually really like him. You two are a lot alike."

But different enough that you'd rather be with him. Okay.

I got something like this early in our relationship when they were "just platonic friends". She even wanted to invite him to our wedding. It caused a lot of fights.

Five years later she says she didn't know how much I wanted her to cut off contact with him, and that I didn't make it clear enough. That I should've given her an ultimatum to leave her if not.

I was very clear, she just didn't want to let go. (and neither did I :( )

[This message edited by ShatteredSakura at 9:47 AM, November 12th (Tuesday)]

While he was still working with AP he had to call a male employee in to his office for making an inappropriate remark to a female employee. He told him "we dp not condone that sort of behavior."

So, apparently, you can fuck a co-worker - just don't say anything inappropriate!

Stupid and hypocritical.

When they were still working together I found out he had crossed a boundary and bought her lunch. When I confronted him he said she had asked him to bring her lunch and it was the "polite" thing to do. Told him "No, the polite thing would have been for her not to have fucked my husband."

I was under no obligation to tell you that I had ended our marriage ten years ago."

There's a quote I like, "The worst thing about being lied to is knowing you weren't worth the truth."

Part of SSCS:

I didn't think you'd find out.

She said something about sharing that made sense at the time. You would have me most of the time, but we'd (UH & AP) would get together when possible.

"I thought you didn't care about me"

We agreed that you could take some time off from work due to burnout. Don't worry about that I'm covering all the expenses.

"I did it so you wouldn't be stressed"

Uh?

"He was a decent guy"

Nice guys (married with 2 kids) don't cheat.

"I love you"

You don't know what love is.

I have another SSCS, graphical warning though. I still feel rage when I think about this so maybe it'll be good to get it off my chest.

My exWW adamantly claimed they always wore condoms when they had sex. Of course that means her AP finished inside her most if not all the time. We'll she didn't deny that, instead on several occasions tried to minimize saying "it was different because he was wearing a condom".

It's such a mindfuck because this douchebag is still on top of her, both of them in the throes of passion, and he's going through all the motions of an orgasm while in her. Wearing or not wearing a condom doesn't make all those other things go away.

The audacity to say it's different and implying it's not nearly as bad. It's not different to me at all

MY Cheater says he didn’t stop pursuing other women because he didn’t want ME controlling him

[This message edited by 20yrsagoBS at 11:09 PM, November 15th (Friday)]

"OH, so there's something WRONG with me??"

-_-

(ETA this in response to me saying he hasn't found his "why" yet. Um, you said it, not me)

[This message edited by CallingSpades at 11:44 PM, November 15th, 2019 (Friday)]

20yrsagoBS: oh, those pesky, controlling marriage vows!

My then 44-year-old WH to his 24-year-old AP:

"I want to keep her (referring to me) as my wife and you as my friend."

"...but if I do get you pregnant, my wife will eventually come around and help co-parent the child..."

My WH to me:

"She's proven her trust (after 3 months), but I can't trust you (after 23 years)."

[This message edited by truthdisinterred at 1:53 AM, November 16th (Saturday)]

Me; and that's just the text msgs I have seen there were hundreds I haven't seen

Him; yes there were hundreds of texts u didn't see but just remember "yes" is a text and "no" is a text.

He told me she slept with a .38 under her pillow I told him she might want to keep that bit of info to herself her next boyfriends wife might be crazy.

Some more to add...

"I thought this was best. You could stay in the house and continue this lifestyle, and the family could stay together." You didn't cheat FOR me you cheated ON me you idiot. You didn't do me a favor.

Whenever I refer to AP as a skank, he says it makes me look like a low life and undignified. Cheating with a married woman makes you dignified? Makes you a pillar of society?

"AP's husband never says anything bad about me. He never refers to me by any negative names". How would you know if you are NC? "Before I was NC she told me". So how do you know what he says now? And he is a cheater too so it would be hypocritical of him to call you any names - it would be like calling himself the same things.

"If you had been the wife you were supposed to be this never would have happened." No, I do not take the blame for your cheating and it didn't happen, you did it.

"She's a good person. You don't know anything about her or what she's dealing with". Actually, I do because her sleazy husband cheated on her too (supposedly) and yet she chose to put me in the same position. How about defending me and what I'm going through because of all of you?

"Are you saying I'm broken?" YES - YES I AM. You have to be broken to be a cheater. You have to be broken to cause pain to other people this way.

And yes, I continue to wonder how I missed this stupid mindset all these years. Guess I wasn't looking for it. Guess I actually trusted him and what he told me. That's must be my bad.

I got a new one over the weekend!

"I had to cheat on you to find my way back to God."

Of all the dumb shit he said, this one hurt my brain the most. I had no reply.

[This message edited by Lemondrop10 at 1:59 PM, November 18th (Monday)]