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Newest Member: wonkeddev

Just Found Out :
20/20 Hindsight--What I wish I'd done

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historyrocks63 ( new member #32189) posted at 7:56 AM on Sunday, June 12th, 2011

This post deserves a prominent place! Bump for the new members...

Me-46
WW-31
Together 11 years/Married 8
Little ones=2 ages 5(f) & 10(m)
d-day-5/17/11
I was starting to fix myself,
but she made it glaringly clear that no amount of self-improvement
will fix her.

posts: 34   ·   registered: May. 17th, 2011   ·   location: Northern Vermont, USA
id 5283263
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punky ( member #12233) posted at 5:03 PM on Sunday, June 12th, 2011

bumping!!!!

13 years later...finally healed. Definitely survived and thrived and you can, too.

posts: 11326   ·   registered: Oct. 4th, 2006   ·   location: A whole 'nother country
id 5283599
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Cee64D ( member #21836) posted at 4:06 AM on Thursday, June 16th, 2011

The hardest part of forgiveness is accepting it from others...
Me BH 44
Clarrissa FWW 44
D-Day 04 Oct, 2008

posts: 2740   ·   registered: Nov. 30th, 2008   ·   location: Ohio
id 5289806
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SuspiciousWife ( member #18108) posted at 4:47 AM on Saturday, June 18th, 2011

Bumping again.

Me - BW, 44
Him - FWH, 44
OW - former co-worker
3 great kids
DDay - April 25, 2008 - mostly EA with one make-out session

posts: 557   ·   registered: Feb. 8th, 2008   ·   location: East Coast
id 5293868
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still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 3:14 AM on Wednesday, June 22nd, 2011

Reset.

For newbies...

"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.

posts: 1329   ·   registered: Aug. 8th, 2005   ·   location: up the river, NY
id 5299785
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Cee64D ( member #21836) posted at 7:08 AM on Thursday, June 23rd, 2011

The hardest part of forgiveness is accepting it from others...
Me BH 44
Clarrissa FWW 44
D-Day 04 Oct, 2008

posts: 2740   ·   registered: Nov. 30th, 2008   ·   location: Ohio
id 5301922
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still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 3:26 AM on Monday, June 27th, 2011

Good, straightforward, no b.s. advice ...

"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.

posts: 1329   ·   registered: Aug. 8th, 2005   ·   location: up the river, NY
id 5307926
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Edie ( member #26133) posted at 11:28 PM on Wednesday, June 29th, 2011

posts: 6663   ·   registered: Nov. 9th, 2009   ·   location: Europe
id 5312802
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Rise_Above ( member #23674) posted at 10:06 PM on Thursday, June 30th, 2011

bump

You can live the way you believe this is your opportunity to let your life be one that lights the way~F.Battistelli

*****
God's hand was an avocado branch

posts: 14226   ·   registered: Apr. 18th, 2009   ·   location: Chrys a lis
id 5314574
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september7 ( member #29929) posted at 1:15 AM on Saturday, July 2nd, 2011

bump, bump bump

Reading it over and over!

D-Day September 7, 2010 NC ended December 22, 2010 and I kicked him OUT! WH dumps OW July 2, 2011 and wants to R! Now he has been living with me and on best behavior since then!

posts: 157   ·   registered: Oct. 24th, 2010   ·   location: Florida
id 5316555
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still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 4:18 AM on Friday, July 8th, 2011

Yep.

"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.

posts: 1329   ·   registered: Aug. 8th, 2005   ·   location: up the river, NY
id 5326595
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keepingcalm ( member #32623) posted at 4:45 PM on Friday, July 8th, 2011

Great read. Thank you all.

ME: 30
WH: 31
Two kids, 2 and 4
DD: April 2011 (he denies)

posts: 62   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2011
id 5327278
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keepingcalm ( member #32623) posted at 4:48 PM on Friday, July 8th, 2011

Great read. Thank you all.

ME: 30
WH: 31
Two kids, 2 and 4
DD: April 2011 (he denies)

posts: 62   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2011
id 5327287
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openedupmyeyes ( member #27871) posted at 2:13 AM on Thursday, July 14th, 2011

bump!!!

words of wisdom to make through the next 5 min. without going insane.

Me:55 BS
Him:55 FWH Trying to make me a believer?
Years married:37
:03-01-10: The day I learned the truth
Kids:Daughters 4 all grown and married.
Reconciliation is hard.
Really freakin' hard.

posts: 771   ·   registered: Mar. 8th, 2010   ·   location: The Great State of Texas
id 5336614
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anewbeachgirl ( member #32667) posted at 2:45 AM on Thursday, July 14th, 2011

Yep--I agree wholeheartedly-Sadly most cheaters have deep issues that cannot be changed overnight by their simply changing their cell #'s or moving, etc. BRAVO

Me:BS
Him: I divorced him...not much else to say! married: 3 years
Sep:10-2011
Div: 2/11
Kids: 1 Daughter-grown & married
Picking up the pieces of a sweet shattered dream.

posts: 101   ·   registered: Jul. 3rd, 2011
id 5336677
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cass ( member #24261) posted at 10:13 PM on Sunday, July 17th, 2011

bumping for newbies

DDay - April 2008
Me - 58 and doing great, alone.

Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket!

posts: 5188   ·   registered: Jun. 4th, 2009   ·   location: Scotland
id 5342280
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still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 4:12 AM on Thursday, July 21st, 2011

"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.

posts: 1329   ·   registered: Aug. 8th, 2005   ·   location: up the river, NY
id 5348360
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stillinshockx2 ( member #28638) posted at 4:27 AM on Thursday, July 21st, 2011

I read this post back when I was still begging, bargaining, crying, and begging some more. My STBXWH was not remorseful, still lies even though he knows I have PI proof, and is still selfish, cold, gaslighting and manipulative. I am happy to be working towards D.

BUT, I WISH, WISH, WISH I had followed this advice. STBXWH used the manipulation and gaslighting, just as he had done during the M, to keep me scared and off balance. During that time, he took all the money, ran up the credit cards, and ruined our credit.

For all of you new BSes - I know how hard it is to follow this advice. At the very least, PLEASE protect your finances. Go to an attorney and get advice. You can "undo" anything that you do to protect yourself if you end up in R. But you cannot undo the damage an unremorseful, foggy, broken, gaslighting, bad WS does to ruin your finances.

Just my .02 cents worth!

Me: BS, 54; Him: WS, 56
DDay 1 - EA (denies PA) 6-13-05
DDay 2 - EA (denies PA) 3-30-10
DDay 3 - 8-04-10 WH living w/30 yo OW2; still denies PA despite PI proof and won't admit he lives with OW2
2 children (D27, S24)
M 25 years; together 8

posts: 321   ·   registered: May. 29th, 2010
id 5348373
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Fighting2Survive ( member #28410) posted at 2:21 AM on Sunday, July 24th, 2011

bump

Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well

"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces

posts: 7279   ·   registered: Apr. 30th, 2010   ·   location: NC
id 5353202
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lordhasaplan? ( member #30079) posted at 1:51 PM on Friday, August 5th, 2011

BS- Me (45)D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10). Currently in R.Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.

posts: 2114   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2010
id 5372480
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