I have therapy today and i usually go over what i am going to try to get help on in my head a few days before i see her
Sooo. I took my wh’s phone and looked at texts his sister and he shared before july when i found out MIL hd planned to go with my SILs on vacation during our visit to their city. (We hadnt seen the in laws in 2.5 years)
First, i got dates wrong. I thought our trip was July 31-aug. 9. Wh told SIL it was aug 1- aug 8. Not huge but a mistake in my memory of events.
Mil decided to go with SILs on vacation August 5-11, so our visit would only be cut 4 days short instead of 5.
Sil seemed nice in the texts. She invited "you all" to visit her rental house in the Hamptons when she rented the house, and said it was an open invitation. Asked do u think u can come up soon?
But when we did make plans to visit MIL in her hometown (MIL lives a few hours from the Hamptons, while SIL is in NYC) and tell her and MIL, they decided to take a vacation halfway through our planned visit. The vacation was with SIL 2 and her family- SIL2 has not talked to WH in 2 years. I think she hot upset that we had a small baptism for our youngest and said we should be ashamed for what we did, which I think was not invite MIL. However I had told MIL we were having it in our town, and would bring baby to their town and have a big party to celebrate and meet extended family later. Before that, SIL 2 never contacted us during my pregnancy in 2019, and since 2015 has not really spoken to me. It was a joke between me and WH, wed visit the ILS and I would say Hi, SIL and she would walk away from me. She woukd talk to me to tell me, "Theres nothing here for you to eat" when we would go to her house for family dinners. (Im a life long vegetarian and she would put meat in everything, including the salad)
I used to call my MIL or email when wh was going off the rails. He would have an episode where he would scream and either kick a hole in a door or hide the phones and take our only car (we had 1 car at the beginning of our marriage). They would say what do you want us to do and tell him that We should divorce if we fought so much. But it wasnt a fight, it was a mentally ill person who could function sometimes having an episode. I didnt say it explicitly, but i needed help. I thought they would help him.
I just dont know. Im so confused. Yhey act like Im horrible (they say i attacked… yes, ATTACKED, MIL and pick on her. When i said just be nice to my kids because you arent always, and the i did say you are weak and have no morals for things she has done in the past. I gave very specific examples. I did not yell or curse.
I feel a little crazy, like i have done something wrong but Im not quite sure what it is (in years past… i do know they hate me for calling MIL out two mos ago)
This is narcissistic behavior, right? They arent nice even if they act nice sometimes. If we stay at a hotel and everyone is at the lake house, they invite my Dd to stay over but not my son. They planned a vacation during our planned visit to see them. The last Christmas we attended at their house, everyone exchanged gifts and I sat there and received nothing. We go for family dinner to SIL and I walk in the door and am told, I dont think there is anything you can eat here.
Im not the bad guy right? You all would tell me, right? The whole family is fucked up bc MIL is a narcissist and they cater to her, so they are in her good graces, but we moved away and dont offer her anything (SIL 1 offers money and SIL2 offers services , like her hubby mows MIl lawn and acts as handy man). WH was told by SIL 1 that he needs to send MIL money each month two months after we moved into a home my famiky member bought and let us live in rent free. She said "you were given a house and so you can help mom" MiL has declared bankruptcy 2x, and refuses to budget. After getting 40,000 when her dad died, she turned around and spent it ALL on SIL 2’s wedding the next year.
And when FIL was dying, MIL told hin he couldnt come home from the hospital, that he had to go to hospice, because she couldnt take him dying in her house. It would be too hard on her.
When he was dying SIL 1 was pregnant and had some high risk complications and her doc said dont travel too much- you can make the trip to see your dad one time, but dont go back and forth. MIL said, dont come now (when FIL was still alive) come when he dies, I will need you then. So she didnt see her dying father, she went to the funeral instead to support her mom.
I am not the asshole, right? I called a narcissist on their bad behavior and am getting slammed. But Im not the asshole right?