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still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 4:16 AM on Tuesday, June 30th, 2009
Right on all counts.
bump
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
inink ( member #24251) posted at 10:09 AM on Wednesday, July 1st, 2009
Thank you katherine41 for your post. I am new but trying to process all the information. It is really helpful to have people who have been there and done that to reflect and share.
Me - BW
DD - May Day 2009
Status - Limbo waiting for him to engage
May 2012 - Feeling Done in my heart. Death by limbo, lack of demonstrated remorse, emotional unavailability, lack of companionship, lack of demonstrated affection. Sexless marri
Trailrider ( member #23977) posted at 11:03 AM on Wednesday, July 1st, 2009
Great thread. Well I pretty much wish I had grown a back bone a year ago.
BS me: 48
WH: 46
M.24 years. together 25
3 kids, ages 21,18,12
EA #1 1/08-7/08
PA #2 8/08-3/09
Broke NC several times
D day 9/13/08
D day 12/14/08
D day 3/30/08
D day, 12/14/09
Taking one last shot at making this work. So far so good.
SuspiciousWife ( member #18108) posted at 4:10 PM on Thursday, July 2nd, 2009
Me - BW, 44
Him - FWH, 44
OW - former co-worker
3 great kids
DDay - April 25, 2008 - mostly EA with one make-out session
Sumrlady ( member #4355) posted at 8:47 AM on Monday, July 6th, 2009
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover-Mark Twain
Will70 ( member #24309) posted at 12:51 PM on Monday, July 6th, 2009
I am now on board Katherine following your guideline. Currently in month two and separating. I am so glad you posted this because, there is so much gaslighting, blameshifting and justifying going on, I don't think there is going to be a defog.
The one thing she has not been is consistenly remorseful. I really don't know who the hell I married 11 yrs ago.
Me: BH 38
Her: WW 36
C: D8 and D5
D-Day: 5-30-09
Currently in state of world upside down
Dust Bunny ( member #2066) posted at 3:31 AM on Wednesday, July 8th, 2009
bump
Noticed several new members.
FBW married 30 years to RFWH
(ps... F=former :P)
"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the progress he(or she) does not become a monster."
Friedrich Nietzsche
NewAttitude ( member #1030) posted at 3:43 AM on Thursday, July 16th, 2009
Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.
katherine41 (original poster member #5792) posted at 5:57 AM on Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009
was reading a thread from gonogo about the prospect of divorce defogging her WH.
bump.
stefanie ( member #21139) posted at 7:02 PM on Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009
[This message edited by stefanie at 12:36 AM, April 26th (Tuesday)]
lingerdog ( member #24459) posted at 5:30 PM on Friday, July 24th, 2009
What lies behind us & what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Oliver Wendell Holmes -Stolen from Uni's page
million tears ( member #24416) posted at 5:48 PM on Friday, July 24th, 2009
There are a lot of things I wish I had done differently but at least I know what I will do if this happens again.
inconnu ( member #24518) posted at 10:48 PM on Thursday, July 30th, 2009
time for this to be on page 1 again
There is no joy without gratitude. - Brené Brown
nooneeverthought ( member #20157) posted at 3:24 PM on Tuesday, August 4th, 2009
it doesn't matter where you go in life ,it's who you have the beside you
badlyhurting ( member #18915) posted at 7:34 PM on Monday, August 10th, 2009
Bump.
Please, if you are a new member, READ and FOLLOW the advice in the first post.
Don't waste your time and heart...
I'm so sorry your are here.
Me - 37 BW
Him - 50 WX/Sperm Donor
5 beautiful children
Dday 10/29/07 - day after my birthday, 23 days before birth of #5
Too Many False Rs; D final Feb. 09.
amott ( member #25063) posted at 1:06 AM on Tuesday, August 11th, 2009
If they lie, just keep repeating, "You are lying and I know it."
I wish i had seen this 9 months ago...I would have known the truth a whole lot sooner. My exbf told me something (honestly cannot remember what it was) that i thought made it sound suspiciously like she had just slipped and informed me that she had indeed had sex with my husband...when i confronter her...nothing...when i confronted him....nothing. Of course, he knew my source but if only I had stood my ground and told him in those same words..."You are lying and I know it" maybe I would have at least kept my pride by not continuing to welcome this homewrecker into my life week after week. 
It makes me sick to think of how I pushed aside my intuition to salvage her feelings and continue being the best possible friend to her that I could be. It makes me so MAD! 
BS-me 31
WXH-him 36
OW-my so-called best friend
Kids-3 daughters
M-10 years
DDay-5/11/09
It was a ONS while I was asleep in the same house.
Doesn't matter anymore. It's over.
gonogo ( member #24317) posted at 1:30 AM on Wednesday, August 12th, 2009
Great post.I have not had any of my minimum standards met, NC, no consistent remorsefulness,I'm 180,and I have contacted the lawyer regarding Legal seperation. He is in a complete fog,blameshifting and I've given him enough time already,4 months , I'm moving on....I'm believing now it is for the best...I can't fix this or him ,so I'll look after me.
katherine41 (original poster member #5792) posted at 4:35 AM on Thursday, August 13th, 2009
SuspiciousWife ( member #18108) posted at 2:47 AM on Tuesday, August 18th, 2009
Bumping for thisisterrible....
Me - BW, 44
Him - FWH, 44
OW - former co-worker
3 great kids
DDay - April 25, 2008 - mostly EA with one make-out session
JustKeepSwimmig ( member #19269) posted at 3:57 AM on Monday, August 24th, 2009
Mr. JKS - EA/PA
DDay - April 2008
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